DOI Heft:
December 18, 1880
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0294
December 18, 1880.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 287
Captain Jones (alluding to acquaintance who had just passed). “Seems a nice sort o’ Fellow, that Brown. You say he’s THE
Riding-Master of the 120th Hussars ? ”
Lieutenant Krutch. “ No ; the Veterinary Surgeon.”
Captain Jones. “ Are you sure ? ”
Lieutenant Krutch. “ Oh yes. He’s got Y.C. after his Ha me, and I know he hasn’t got the Victoria Cross ! ! ”
posture. Only one thing is wanted—a Queen ! Mow is Lord Little-
hampton ? Ailing a little through, age ? Has he a coldness about
the lower extremities ? This is a symptom often produced by natural
causes ; it can also he produced by hi-chloride of potassium, a slow
but deadly poison which leaves no traces whatever. But I am
wandering, and will merely subscribe myself as
Forsitan—your slave, and King of
the Haphazard Islands.
Tyra had hardly finished the perusal of this truly kingly missive,
when a telegraph-boy rushed in with a despatch.
Lord Littlehampton had died that morning!
So had Lord Mumpford !! *
Chapter Four.
Ben D’ymion had to make his first Parliamentary speech. He got
through it pretty well. He only fainted away five times during its
delivery. This was because he felt so dizzy. The Speaker fanned
him with the Mace, and the Serjeant-at-Arms brought him iced
water in his cocked-hat. The speech was rapturously applauded by
Tyra and Irrevalenta, who were looking in through a skylight:
’twas on the question of the Timbuctoo War, and was a master-
peace. The Prime Minister felt so unable to answer it, that he
resigned.
There was nothing for it hut to make Ben D’xmion Prime
Minister!
Irrevalenta called to congratulate him.
“ I have some news for you,” she said. “You know Leonora F ”
“ Leonora ! ” echoed Ben D’ymion, rapturously.
“ She is engaged to be married to St. Snobb ! ”
Ben D’ymion masticated his patrician lip for some moments, and
* Editor to Earl.—That’s right! Clear ’em off. Isn’t this rather sudden,
though ?
Earl to Editor.—Oh, yes, ’tis sudden. Such things will happen—especially
towards end of Vol. III. Besides, I must get ’em out of the way for final
scene.
then said, “ Oh, I don’t care! It doesn’t matter to me! There are
other people as rich, I dessay, and-”
“Dearest Dymie!” said Irrevalenta, “if you’re thinking of
marrying, Lord Mumpford’s fortune was not inconsiderable,
and-”
“ Well ? ” said Ben D’ymion, impatiently.
“ ’Tis all settled upon me ”
“ Beauteous creature ! What, all? A cool hundred thousand a
year, as I’m a living Prime Minister. Irrevalenta ! you shall be j
mine ! ”
“ Them’s my sentiments, too,” she said. And the peerless Peeress ;
disappeared in his Titanic arms.
Tyra—she was Queen of the Haphazard Islands now—went with !
Ben D’ymion to see his old attic in Ratcliff Highway. It was quite j
a classical occasion. Let me hear it say its ’ittle cataclysm—I mean j
Catechism, Dyumie dear ! What can the Human Will achieve ? ”
The Prime Minister put his hands meekly behind his back, and
replied, “ Whatever it determines on.”
“ And what is the Whole Duty of Man ? ”
“ To get to the top of the tree.”
“ Good hoy ! ” said Tyra. And she folded to her breast in a last j
embrace the First Lord of the Treasury ! *
Editor to Earl.—I say, is this the end ? What becomes of ’em all ? And
why last embrace ?
Earl to Editor.—You don’t expect Prime Ministers and Queens to go on em-
bracing for ever, do you ? Cleared ’em all off, y ’see ! It’s gone first-rate, eb ? |
Editor to Earl.—Not bad, but nobody knows wbo’s who.
Earl to Editor.—No, but somebody knows wbat’s what! Send round the j
boy with the ten thousand. In all day. Ta ! Ta! Quiequid agunt homines, !
&c. You know the rest, of course. If not, see Popular Quotation Book, where i
you get compressed version all ready for use in one line. It has been applied j
over and over again to Shakspeare, why not to yours truly, £10,000 ?
The Original Three “ F’s.”—“ Fair, Fat, and Forty,”
Captain Jones (alluding to acquaintance who had just passed). “Seems a nice sort o’ Fellow, that Brown. You say he’s THE
Riding-Master of the 120th Hussars ? ”
Lieutenant Krutch. “ No ; the Veterinary Surgeon.”
Captain Jones. “ Are you sure ? ”
Lieutenant Krutch. “ Oh yes. He’s got Y.C. after his Ha me, and I know he hasn’t got the Victoria Cross ! ! ”
posture. Only one thing is wanted—a Queen ! Mow is Lord Little-
hampton ? Ailing a little through, age ? Has he a coldness about
the lower extremities ? This is a symptom often produced by natural
causes ; it can also he produced by hi-chloride of potassium, a slow
but deadly poison which leaves no traces whatever. But I am
wandering, and will merely subscribe myself as
Forsitan—your slave, and King of
the Haphazard Islands.
Tyra had hardly finished the perusal of this truly kingly missive,
when a telegraph-boy rushed in with a despatch.
Lord Littlehampton had died that morning!
So had Lord Mumpford !! *
Chapter Four.
Ben D’ymion had to make his first Parliamentary speech. He got
through it pretty well. He only fainted away five times during its
delivery. This was because he felt so dizzy. The Speaker fanned
him with the Mace, and the Serjeant-at-Arms brought him iced
water in his cocked-hat. The speech was rapturously applauded by
Tyra and Irrevalenta, who were looking in through a skylight:
’twas on the question of the Timbuctoo War, and was a master-
peace. The Prime Minister felt so unable to answer it, that he
resigned.
There was nothing for it hut to make Ben D’xmion Prime
Minister!
Irrevalenta called to congratulate him.
“ I have some news for you,” she said. “You know Leonora F ”
“ Leonora ! ” echoed Ben D’ymion, rapturously.
“ She is engaged to be married to St. Snobb ! ”
Ben D’ymion masticated his patrician lip for some moments, and
* Editor to Earl.—That’s right! Clear ’em off. Isn’t this rather sudden,
though ?
Earl to Editor.—Oh, yes, ’tis sudden. Such things will happen—especially
towards end of Vol. III. Besides, I must get ’em out of the way for final
scene.
then said, “ Oh, I don’t care! It doesn’t matter to me! There are
other people as rich, I dessay, and-”
“Dearest Dymie!” said Irrevalenta, “if you’re thinking of
marrying, Lord Mumpford’s fortune was not inconsiderable,
and-”
“ Well ? ” said Ben D’ymion, impatiently.
“ ’Tis all settled upon me ”
“ Beauteous creature ! What, all? A cool hundred thousand a
year, as I’m a living Prime Minister. Irrevalenta ! you shall be j
mine ! ”
“ Them’s my sentiments, too,” she said. And the peerless Peeress ;
disappeared in his Titanic arms.
Tyra—she was Queen of the Haphazard Islands now—went with !
Ben D’ymion to see his old attic in Ratcliff Highway. It was quite j
a classical occasion. Let me hear it say its ’ittle cataclysm—I mean j
Catechism, Dyumie dear ! What can the Human Will achieve ? ”
The Prime Minister put his hands meekly behind his back, and
replied, “ Whatever it determines on.”
“ And what is the Whole Duty of Man ? ”
“ To get to the top of the tree.”
“ Good hoy ! ” said Tyra. And she folded to her breast in a last j
embrace the First Lord of the Treasury ! *
Editor to Earl.—I say, is this the end ? What becomes of ’em all ? And
why last embrace ?
Earl to Editor.—You don’t expect Prime Ministers and Queens to go on em-
bracing for ever, do you ? Cleared ’em all off, y ’see ! It’s gone first-rate, eb ? |
Editor to Earl.—Not bad, but nobody knows wbo’s who.
Earl to Editor.—No, but somebody knows wbat’s what! Send round the j
boy with the ten thousand. In all day. Ta ! Ta! Quiequid agunt homines, !
&c. You know the rest, of course. If not, see Popular Quotation Book, where i
you get compressed version all ready for use in one line. It has been applied j
over and over again to Shakspeare, why not to yours truly, £10,000 ?
The Original Three “ F’s.”—“ Fair, Fat, and Forty,”