Punch: Punch (87.1884)

July 12, 18R4.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

17

HORTICULTURAL CUTTINGS.

(Culled by Dumb-Crambo Junior.)

Marshal Kiel—Bose.

Any-monev.

Few-shiers.

Double Pink.

Glad I-o-la!

TACKLING THE TAX-COLLECTOR.

Our. Special Interviewist has read with such painful emotion of
Miss M-ll-r’s heroic encounter with the ingenuous representatives
of the Chancellor of the Exchequer, who took away with them
£120-worth of her furniture, to satisfy a debt of £19, that, against
our solemn advice, he decided to visit her, and find out her views,
and this is the result

Interviewist (with his most fascinating smile). So I hear, Madam,
that you are actually determined to rejjeat your noble conduct, and
for ever to resist the payment of rates and taxes ?

Miss M-ll-r (with no smile at all). You are totally misinformed.
I have a vote for Municipal Elections, so why should I object to the
rates ?

Interviewist (crushed, but still gallant). At any rate—ahem!—I
think I am correct in saying that you are a prominent champion of
the rights of the Fair Sex ?

Miss M-ll-r [sternly). The—what, Sir p

Interviewist (seeing that he has put his foot into it again). Well*
the Female Sex, then ; only, you ’re so particular. Surely, you will
admit, some women are fair-

Miss M-ll-r. Just as all men are unfair, in refusing us the vote.
There I agree with you, Sir.

Interviewist (who says he felt as if she didn't agree with him at
all). Ahem! But all men—(winningly)—are not so prejudiced.

For instance, there’s Mr. Woodall-

Miss M-ll-r. Oh ! Would all men were like him !

Interviewist (wishing to change the subject). Well, you are now a
sort of Tillage Hampden, aren’t you ?

Miss M-ll-r. I don’t know about the Village, Sir, but I do intend
to resist illegal taxation, as Hampden did. My Ship Money is the

Income Tax, my Star Chamber is the House of Commons---

Interviewist (who sees a chance of making himself pleasatit). Ah,
but there’s no Star Chamber now, you know. The People’s Chamber
doesn’t care twopence about the stars. They may know something
about the Poll-Star, but that’s the only one. By the bye, I suppose
you hope some day to have a seat in that assembly ?

Miss M-ll-r. Hope! We intend to sit there. The House of
Lords will, before twenty years have past, become the House of
Ladies, when the Lady Chancellor will sit on the Berlin Woolsack,
and-

Interviewist (off his guard, for once). How convenient the Lobbies
will be, won’t they F Every Cabinet Ministeress will, I presume,
have a special lock-up place, where she can keep her own feeding-
bottles, and the Nurses-

Miss M-ll-r. Those wretched specimens of feminine servitude will
disappear, Sir. There will be no more Nurses !

Interviewist (anxious to change the subject). I see that at the in-
dignation meeting which was held, apparently on your front door-
step, while your furniture was being brutally carried off by the
minions of the law, Miss Briggs “ declared that your action would
produce a strong impression at St. Stephen’s.” Can you inform me
if the prediction has been verified F
Miss M-ll-r. Undoubtedly it has. Mr. Gladstone, I hear, is so
stricken with remorse for opposing our claims, that he is about to
resign the Premiership, and offer it to Mr. Woodall as some slight
compensation. Sir William Harcourt has also sent to inquire
when the auction of the furniture would take place, because he
“ would be glad to purchase the carved black-wood escritoire, if it
goes cheap,” which evinces evident sympathy with our cause, I think.

Interviewist (who is of an inquiring• disposition). How will you
resist the Tax-Collector next time he calls F

Miss M-ll-r (loftily). In the same manner, Sir. Simply with the
might of Justice. j

Interviewist. Yes, but—ahem!—I don’t think the ordinary Tax-,
Collector cares much about the might of Justice. I ’ve never found
any justice about him—not a mite. Now, if you were to empty one
or two buckets, quite by accident, you know, on to the front door-
step, while he is getting out his papers-

Miss M-ll-r. Well—(smiling grimly)—we may possibly come to
the buckets. But first we shalL ply him with a summary of the
arguments of Political Economy. If he can survive that, we may
pass on to indignant protests, even to strong denunciation.

Interviewist (doubtfully). Well, I hope you’ll succeed. Some of
them don’t mind abuse, you know ; they’ve no “ rateable value,” if
1 may use the expression. Then, supposing the Government doesn’t
repent and see the error of its ways F

Miss M-ll-r (with evident satisfaction). Ah ! I am prepared for
martyrdom, Sir. For instance, I am, as you perceive, already put
to some inconvenience, owing to the carrying off of all the chairs in
the house, and the confiscation of the front-door bell, which obliges
visitors to enter through the area. But there is worse to come. I !

know that the Chancellor of the
' Exchequer has already withdrawn,
for immediate use, several thumb-
screws from the Tower collection.
They will send me to the Back—-
perhaps—(gloomily)—to the Stake !

Interviewist (overcome). No, no!
That’s a mis-stake, I’m sure; or,—
fcheerfully)—a Miss at the Stake, eh F
Ha, ha, ha! No—pray don’t go,
Madam. ’Twas a harmless jest. Ah, .
she has really gone ! That must be
the Female Emancipation Movement,

I suppose. I believe she takes me for
a Tax-Collector in disguise. Possibly
she is preparing the buckets upstairs! |
If this — (savagely) — is Woman’s
Bight- [And he left, hastily.

Vegetables Going. A Modern Valuation.—The Value

It’s too strong even for them. of an Oath : Five Shillings.