Punch (103.1892)

October 1, 1892 ] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

155

SIGH NO MORE, LOTTIE.

[" The disinfecting process
has ruined all the dresses of
Miss Collins." — New York
Telegram.']

Sigh no more, Lottie, sigh,
no more,
Those gowns have gone for
ever;

You've cut some capers on
that shore
That you expected never;
Then sigh not so, hut let
them go,
And he you blithe and
bonny,

Converting all your sounds
of woe

To Tarara - boom - de
nonny.

Sing that vile ditty yet once
more,

And win almighty dollars
From Yankees who have
spoilt your store
Of frocks, frills, cuffs and
collars;
The air will run in their
heads like one
O'clock, till it makes the
same ache.
"While on you shines pros-
perity's sun,
Your Tarara-boom-de hay
make!

At the Pattenmakers'
Banquet. — At the Court
Dinner of the Pattenmakers,
held at the Metrepole, the
eulogies of the Worshipful
Master, Sir Augustus Dru-
riolanus (now Master of
Horse at Drury Lane), were
plentiful, and he had a con-
siderable amount of patten
on the back from all his
guests. The great dish of
the evening was Partridge
au Patten, an English sub-
stitute for Perdrix au chou.

FANCY PORTRAIT.

OUR GRAND YOUNG GARDNER (HERBERT II.),
In his New Character of The Minister of Agriculture.
( With Song)—"Here's to the Health of the Barley Mow ! "

SONNET ON CHILLON.

( Where the electric light is now
installed in the dungeon oj
Bonivard.)

Electric lighting, dear to
modern mind,
Bright in this dungeon!

Switzerland, thou art
Too mad for things quite
fin-de-siecle smart!
Surely the trains, that rum-
ble just behind,
And Vevey tramcars, in my
thoughts consigned
To even hotter place, had

been enough
To scare Sand, Hugo,
Shelley, in a huff;
Make Byron cast his poem

to the wind!
Chillon, thy prison may be-
come a place
"With little marble tables
in a row,
Where tourists, dressed with
artless English grace,
May drink their bock or
cafe down below,
And foreign penknives
rapidly efface
The boasted names this
light is meant to show.

Musical Note.—The most
tranquillising, or even som-
niferous melodies ever com-
posed, must have been those
written by the celebrated
Lulli. The first thing by
Lulli was a " Lulliby."

New Words to an Old
Tune (and a Syllable to
spare). — Song for the
Secretary for Ireland :—
" ' Tis all for good luck, quoth
bould Pory &Mor-ley."

All the Difference—
between "Sir G. 0. M."
and " The G. 0. M."

EXAMINATION PAPER FOR A PRESS CANDIDATE.

( With a View to Carrying out the Suggestion of the Institute oj

Journalists,)

1. What are the principal duties of an Editor ? _ State what you
would do if you were visited by bores of the following kinds :—(1),
a friend ; (2), an enemy; (3), a proprietor.

2. _ Show how a political article may be written, saying as little as
possible in the greatest amount of space ? Give specimens of
" writing round a subject" without offending susceptibilities.

3. What are the duties of a Dramatic Critic ? Show, by a specimen
article, how a critique of a bad play, indifferently performed, can yet
be made to give satisfaction to the Author, the Manager, the
Company, and the Public ?

4 What are the duties of a Special Correspondent at a Seat of
War ? Give a short descriptive article of a battle written in such a
manner that the readers of your paper may learn everything without
your getting shot as a spy, or drummed out of camp as an informer.

5. What are the duties of a Reviewer? Describe the process of
log-rolling, and give specimen of notices of books:—(1), when the
Author is your friend, but you object'to the Publisher; (2), when you
hate the writer, but must not offend the gentleman whose name
appears as the distributor, and (3), when you know nothing of the
volume and its producer, but suspect that the Author reviews for
another periodical, and that you may possibly get an order from his
literary introducer.

6. _ What are the duties of a Musical Critic ? Show how it is
feasible to write a most scientific notice without being able to distin-
guish the National Anthem, Mascagni's "Intermezzo" or " The
Wedding March," from 44 The Blue Pells of Scotland."

7. Distinguish the difference between " Our Own Commissioner "
and "Our Own Correspondent," and " Our Special Reporter "and

"An Occasional Contributor." Give the rates of rumuneration (if
any) attaching to each office.

8. What is " City Intelligence ? " Is it affected by the rise and
fall of the advertisement columns ? State the difference between
"News Specially Communicated" and a puff paragraph.

9. Give the statistics (if you are able) of the number of aspirants
to Journalism who have risen and fallen. Show that a small certainty
in the City is better than an occasional ten-pound note earned in
Fleet Street.

10. Write an essay upon the subject that Journalism is better as a
stick than a crutch, and show that it is useless to take up your pen
if you have not already provided (from other sources) for the pay-
ment of your butcher's book.

Fareavell to thee_, Cricket,

Thy last match is o'er;
Thy bat, ball, and wicket,

Are needed no more.
To thy sister we turn,

For her coming we pray:
Her worshippers burn

For the heat of the fray.

Hail! Goddess of battle,
Yet hated of Ma(r)s,

How ceaseless their tattle
Of tumbles and scars!

TO FOOTBALL.

Such warnings are vain,

For thy rites we prepare,
Youth is yearning again
In thy perils to share.

Broken limbs-and black eyes,
May, perchance, be our lot;
But grant goals and ties
And we care not a jot.
Too sacred to name

With thy posts, ball, and field,
There is no winter game_
To which thou canst yield.

New Translation—" Very choice Italian,"—" Sotto voce
i.e., in a drunken tone of voice.