DOI Heft:
October 8, 1892
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17694#0173
168 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [October 8, 1892.
LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.
No. XVI—TO YOUTHFULNESS.
Totr are much, misunderstood. For it is supposed that those who
in this world bear your stamp upon them are to be recognised
self with a spring as he met his opponent. A large body hurtled
through the air, and in a moment the younger man was lying flat
on the carpet amidst the shouts of the company. "It's the old
'flying mare' my boy," said the General to me, "a very useful
dodge. I learnt it fifty years ago."
In the company of young men the General is at his very best.
without trouble by the mere calculation of their He knows all their little weaknesses, and chaffs
years of life. No notion can be further from ffSyjfa them with delightful point and humour, though
the truth. Mere absence of wrinkles, the pre- /^^ife^B ne would- n°t» for all the world, give them pam.
sence or colour of the hair on the head, the ^ttiTtmStigP *s a pleasant sight to see the old fellow with
elasticity of limbs, these do not of themselves, W-'f^ffisr a party of his young friends, poking sly fun at
I protest, testify to youthfulness. I knew a lad V ftffyw them, laughing with them, taking all their jests
of twenty, who, in the judgment of the world, ^^iHr *n £00(1 part, and thoroughly enjoying himself,
was young. In mine he was one of the hoariest He can walk most of them off their legs still,
as he was one of the least scrupulous of men. >^^^^^^^^^S^ can row them on the broad reaches of the
No veteran that I ever met could have put him jgafc, Thames, and keep his form with the best of
up to any trick, or added any experience to his /W^^X^M-'/'lltilpS^W^V them; he can hold his gun straight at driven
store. He seemed to have a marvellous and fiw%^\ birds, and revel like a boy in a rattling run to
intuitive experience of the ways of life, and of (ff^E^Y \\TA s^^^^^^F^£l hounds across country. All the youngsters
the tricks of men. No shady society came V^f^k ^#^-r^SV^^Bj rjfe/ respect him by instinct, and love the cheery old
amiss to him. He gambled, in his way, as ^P^Gf^k vm\^^^^^^^'^t^^ fellow, whose heart is as soft as his muscles are
coolly, and with as careful a precision, as Barry hard. They talk to him as to an elder brother,
Lyndon ; he met the keen frequenters of the ^^^^P^k^^s^^^R^^/ come to him for his advice, and, which is per-
betting-ring on equal terms, and contrived, ^^^-rT-^^CSpip^/ haP3 even more strange, like it, and follow it.
amid that vortex to keep his head above water. h -WitIShIIiEII / Withal, the General is the most modest of men.
He had a faultless taste in wine—he knew a ( , I-JIH J§iiffi|| // In his youth he was a mighty man of war. It
good cigar by an instinct. It is hardly necessary I I !j3£r 'j^[|i^fi§ff\ was only the other day that I heard (not from
to add that, with all these accomplishments, he \^X^ "| JPii=4 '/ his own lips, you may be sure) the thrilling
held and expressed the meanest opinion of human ^^Al^^^J^^m stories of his hand-to-hand conflict with two
nature in general. Not even Sir Robert Wal- ^^fSUzMmM > gigantic Russians in the fog of Inkermann, and
pole could have more cynically estimated the ~ '•-P^^^umliM °^ n*8 rescue of a wounded Sergeant at the
price at which men might be bought. As for \ Hj^^SmMM attack in the Redan. With women, old or
women, this precocious paragon despised them, \ Yx^^mmmu young, the General uses an old-fashioned and
and women, as is their wont, repaid him by / y''}JmJ^ Wjf chivalrous courtesy, as far removed from latter-
admiration, and, here and there, by genuine > f (mn^k jn|> day smartness as was Bayard from Boulanger.
affection. I shudder to think how he might / iWimW^ iiX The younger ones adore him. They all seem to
have developed in the course of years. It hap- ( ^l^JI^^&,W De his nieces, for they all call him Uncle John".
pened, however, that a shipwreck—a form of fj^Mmi^mH ^ ^ear or 0 a?° ^e General iU) an(l the
disaster against which cynicism and precocity WnBBmMSr / / doctors shook their heads. It was touching to
afford no protection — removed him from the IwiH //■//'' see the concern of all his young friends. Charlie
world before he had come of age. Now, to call fafff >w7m' '/ Chirper, a gay little butterfly of a fellow, who
this infant young, would have been a mockery. Ww wff ' ' '' never seemed to treat life as anything but a
To all outward appearance, indeed, he was a _ yj }.'■:{ IpM, huge joke, became gloomy with anxiety. Twice
boy, but his mind was that of a selfish and used- '[ yum/v'&k I every day he called to make inquiries, and, as
up roue of sixty, without illusions, and without //A j fci ^ne bulletins got worse, Charlie became visibly
hope. // L^_y^^^^^^. thinner. I saw him at the Club one evening,
Let me pass to a more pleasant subject, and ' W8^<^^^^^ sitting moodily in a corner. ''What's up,
one with which you, my dear boy, are more *§3^r Charlie?" I said to him. _ "You look as if
closely connected. I refer to my old friend, you'd been refused by an heiress.'^ " The Old
General Vangard, the kindest and best-natured man that ever drew
half-pay. Seventy years have passed over his head, and turned his
hair to silver, but his heart remains pure gold without alloy. In
vain do his whiskers and moustache attempt to give a touch of fierce-
ness to his face. The kindly eyes smile it away in a moment. He
stands six feet and an inch, his back his broad, his step springy; he
carries his head erect on his massive shoulders with a leonine air of
good-humoured defiance. To hear him greet you, to feel his hand-
shake, is to get a lesson in geniality. I never knew a man who had
so whole-hearted a contempt for insincerity and affectation. It was
only the other day that I saw little Tom Titterton, of the Diplo-
matic Service, introduced to him. Tom is a devil of a fellow in
Society. He warbles little songs of his own composition at afternoon
teas, he insinuates himself into the elderly affections of stony-hearted
dowagers, he can lead a cotillon to perfection, and is universally
acknowledged as an authority on gloves and handkerchiefs. It was
at a shooting-party that he and the General met. The little fellow
advanced simpering, and raised a limp and dangling hand to about
the height of Ms eyes. The General had extended his in his usual
bluff and unceremonious manner. Naturally enough the hands
failed to meet. A puzzled look came over the General's face. In a
moment, however, he had grasped the situation, and Tttterton's
hand, and shaken the latter with a ferocious heartiness. "Owl"
screamed Tom. It was a short exclamation, but a world of agony
was concentrated into it. "The old bear has spoilt my shooting for
the day," said Titterton to me afterwards, as he missed his tenth
partridge. That very evening, I remember, there was a great dis-
cussion in the smoking-room on the subject of wrestling. One of
the party, a burly youth of twenty-six, boasted somewhat loudly of
the tricks that a Cornishman had lately taught him. For a long
time the General sat silently puffing his cigar, but at length the
would-be wrestler said something that roused him, " Would you
mind showing me how that's done?" he said; "I seem to re-
member something about it, but it was done differently in my
time. No doubt your notion's an improvement." Nothing loth
the burly one stood up. I don't quite know what happened. The
General seemed to stoop with outstretched hands and then raise him-
General's worse to-day," said Charlie, simply. "They're very
anxious about him. No, dash it all!" he went on, "it's too bad.
I can't bear to think of it. Such an old ripper as the General!
Why must they take him ? Why can't they take a useless chap
like me, who never did anyone any good ? " And the unaccustomed
tears came into the lad's eyes as he turned his head away. But
the old General battled through, and, thank Heaven, I can still
write of him in the present tense.
Yours as always, my dear boy, Diogenes Robinson.
"ANECDOTAGE."
(Companion Volume to other Works of the same kind.)
A Traveller in Italy during the middle ages knew a Chemist very
well indeed. One day a rather stylish Lady, with a shifty look about
the eyes, entered the shop and asked for some poison. "Ieannot
furnish you, Madam, with what you require. I have quarrelled
with the undertaker." The Traveller subsequently ascertained that
the name of the lady was Ltjcrezia Borgia.
Just before the Battle of Waterloo, Fouche met Bonaparte,
who was then in command of the French Army. He said, "You
will find that, before this campaign is over, I shall have on one foot
a Blucher, and on the other a Wellington. It is fortunate for
me I cannot find pairs of both ! " This is a proof (if one is needed)
of the Emperor's fear of fate.
Christopher Columbus was (as a lad) very fond of exploration.
One day he went over to America, and, arriving at his destination,
christened it Columbia, The land of the Yankees, even now, is
occasionally known by this appellation.
Mr. Punch one day was invited to listen to Someone's Recollec-
tions or Reminiscences. All went well for five minutes, when the
Autobiogryphist, looking up from his Autobiography, found that
Mr. Pttnch was fast a'sle'ep. The Sagfe slumo'ered as the Represen-
tative of the Public.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or f ictures ot any descfipuoii, wui
tf"1ro case be returned, not eVca when accompanied a stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cotfer, or Wrapper. To this rulo
tUm ttftil be nb exception.
LETTERS TO ABSTRACTIONS.
No. XVI—TO YOUTHFULNESS.
Totr are much, misunderstood. For it is supposed that those who
in this world bear your stamp upon them are to be recognised
self with a spring as he met his opponent. A large body hurtled
through the air, and in a moment the younger man was lying flat
on the carpet amidst the shouts of the company. "It's the old
'flying mare' my boy," said the General to me, "a very useful
dodge. I learnt it fifty years ago."
In the company of young men the General is at his very best.
without trouble by the mere calculation of their He knows all their little weaknesses, and chaffs
years of life. No notion can be further from ffSyjfa them with delightful point and humour, though
the truth. Mere absence of wrinkles, the pre- /^^ife^B ne would- n°t» for all the world, give them pam.
sence or colour of the hair on the head, the ^ttiTtmStigP *s a pleasant sight to see the old fellow with
elasticity of limbs, these do not of themselves, W-'f^ffisr a party of his young friends, poking sly fun at
I protest, testify to youthfulness. I knew a lad V ftffyw them, laughing with them, taking all their jests
of twenty, who, in the judgment of the world, ^^iHr *n £00(1 part, and thoroughly enjoying himself,
was young. In mine he was one of the hoariest He can walk most of them off their legs still,
as he was one of the least scrupulous of men. >^^^^^^^^^S^ can row them on the broad reaches of the
No veteran that I ever met could have put him jgafc, Thames, and keep his form with the best of
up to any trick, or added any experience to his /W^^X^M-'/'lltilpS^W^V them; he can hold his gun straight at driven
store. He seemed to have a marvellous and fiw%^\ birds, and revel like a boy in a rattling run to
intuitive experience of the ways of life, and of (ff^E^Y \\TA s^^^^^^F^£l hounds across country. All the youngsters
the tricks of men. No shady society came V^f^k ^#^-r^SV^^Bj rjfe/ respect him by instinct, and love the cheery old
amiss to him. He gambled, in his way, as ^P^Gf^k vm\^^^^^^^'^t^^ fellow, whose heart is as soft as his muscles are
coolly, and with as careful a precision, as Barry hard. They talk to him as to an elder brother,
Lyndon ; he met the keen frequenters of the ^^^^P^k^^s^^^R^^/ come to him for his advice, and, which is per-
betting-ring on equal terms, and contrived, ^^^-rT-^^CSpip^/ haP3 even more strange, like it, and follow it.
amid that vortex to keep his head above water. h -WitIShIIiEII / Withal, the General is the most modest of men.
He had a faultless taste in wine—he knew a ( , I-JIH J§iiffi|| // In his youth he was a mighty man of war. It
good cigar by an instinct. It is hardly necessary I I !j3£r 'j^[|i^fi§ff\ was only the other day that I heard (not from
to add that, with all these accomplishments, he \^X^ "| JPii=4 '/ his own lips, you may be sure) the thrilling
held and expressed the meanest opinion of human ^^Al^^^J^^m stories of his hand-to-hand conflict with two
nature in general. Not even Sir Robert Wal- ^^fSUzMmM > gigantic Russians in the fog of Inkermann, and
pole could have more cynically estimated the ~ '•-P^^^umliM °^ n*8 rescue of a wounded Sergeant at the
price at which men might be bought. As for \ Hj^^SmMM attack in the Redan. With women, old or
women, this precocious paragon despised them, \ Yx^^mmmu young, the General uses an old-fashioned and
and women, as is their wont, repaid him by / y''}JmJ^ Wjf chivalrous courtesy, as far removed from latter-
admiration, and, here and there, by genuine > f (mn^k jn|> day smartness as was Bayard from Boulanger.
affection. I shudder to think how he might / iWimW^ iiX The younger ones adore him. They all seem to
have developed in the course of years. It hap- ( ^l^JI^^&,W De his nieces, for they all call him Uncle John".
pened, however, that a shipwreck—a form of fj^Mmi^mH ^ ^ear or 0 a?° ^e General iU) an(l the
disaster against which cynicism and precocity WnBBmMSr / / doctors shook their heads. It was touching to
afford no protection — removed him from the IwiH //■//'' see the concern of all his young friends. Charlie
world before he had come of age. Now, to call fafff >w7m' '/ Chirper, a gay little butterfly of a fellow, who
this infant young, would have been a mockery. Ww wff ' ' '' never seemed to treat life as anything but a
To all outward appearance, indeed, he was a _ yj }.'■:{ IpM, huge joke, became gloomy with anxiety. Twice
boy, but his mind was that of a selfish and used- '[ yum/v'&k I every day he called to make inquiries, and, as
up roue of sixty, without illusions, and without //A j fci ^ne bulletins got worse, Charlie became visibly
hope. // L^_y^^^^^^. thinner. I saw him at the Club one evening,
Let me pass to a more pleasant subject, and ' W8^<^^^^^ sitting moodily in a corner. ''What's up,
one with which you, my dear boy, are more *§3^r Charlie?" I said to him. _ "You look as if
closely connected. I refer to my old friend, you'd been refused by an heiress.'^ " The Old
General Vangard, the kindest and best-natured man that ever drew
half-pay. Seventy years have passed over his head, and turned his
hair to silver, but his heart remains pure gold without alloy. In
vain do his whiskers and moustache attempt to give a touch of fierce-
ness to his face. The kindly eyes smile it away in a moment. He
stands six feet and an inch, his back his broad, his step springy; he
carries his head erect on his massive shoulders with a leonine air of
good-humoured defiance. To hear him greet you, to feel his hand-
shake, is to get a lesson in geniality. I never knew a man who had
so whole-hearted a contempt for insincerity and affectation. It was
only the other day that I saw little Tom Titterton, of the Diplo-
matic Service, introduced to him. Tom is a devil of a fellow in
Society. He warbles little songs of his own composition at afternoon
teas, he insinuates himself into the elderly affections of stony-hearted
dowagers, he can lead a cotillon to perfection, and is universally
acknowledged as an authority on gloves and handkerchiefs. It was
at a shooting-party that he and the General met. The little fellow
advanced simpering, and raised a limp and dangling hand to about
the height of Ms eyes. The General had extended his in his usual
bluff and unceremonious manner. Naturally enough the hands
failed to meet. A puzzled look came over the General's face. In a
moment, however, he had grasped the situation, and Tttterton's
hand, and shaken the latter with a ferocious heartiness. "Owl"
screamed Tom. It was a short exclamation, but a world of agony
was concentrated into it. "The old bear has spoilt my shooting for
the day," said Titterton to me afterwards, as he missed his tenth
partridge. That very evening, I remember, there was a great dis-
cussion in the smoking-room on the subject of wrestling. One of
the party, a burly youth of twenty-six, boasted somewhat loudly of
the tricks that a Cornishman had lately taught him. For a long
time the General sat silently puffing his cigar, but at length the
would-be wrestler said something that roused him, " Would you
mind showing me how that's done?" he said; "I seem to re-
member something about it, but it was done differently in my
time. No doubt your notion's an improvement." Nothing loth
the burly one stood up. I don't quite know what happened. The
General seemed to stoop with outstretched hands and then raise him-
General's worse to-day," said Charlie, simply. "They're very
anxious about him. No, dash it all!" he went on, "it's too bad.
I can't bear to think of it. Such an old ripper as the General!
Why must they take him ? Why can't they take a useless chap
like me, who never did anyone any good ? " And the unaccustomed
tears came into the lad's eyes as he turned his head away. But
the old General battled through, and, thank Heaven, I can still
write of him in the present tense.
Yours as always, my dear boy, Diogenes Robinson.
"ANECDOTAGE."
(Companion Volume to other Works of the same kind.)
A Traveller in Italy during the middle ages knew a Chemist very
well indeed. One day a rather stylish Lady, with a shifty look about
the eyes, entered the shop and asked for some poison. "Ieannot
furnish you, Madam, with what you require. I have quarrelled
with the undertaker." The Traveller subsequently ascertained that
the name of the lady was Ltjcrezia Borgia.
Just before the Battle of Waterloo, Fouche met Bonaparte,
who was then in command of the French Army. He said, "You
will find that, before this campaign is over, I shall have on one foot
a Blucher, and on the other a Wellington. It is fortunate for
me I cannot find pairs of both ! " This is a proof (if one is needed)
of the Emperor's fear of fate.
Christopher Columbus was (as a lad) very fond of exploration.
One day he went over to America, and, arriving at his destination,
christened it Columbia, The land of the Yankees, even now, is
occasionally known by this appellation.
Mr. Punch one day was invited to listen to Someone's Recollec-
tions or Reminiscences. All went well for five minutes, when the
Autobiogryphist, looking up from his Autobiography, found that
Mr. Pttnch was fast a'sle'ep. The Sagfe slumo'ered as the Represen-
tative of the Public.
NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or f ictures ot any descfipuoii, wui
tf"1ro case be returned, not eVca when accompanied a stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cotfer, or Wrapper. To this rulo
tUm ttftil be nb exception.