Punch / Almanack (1844)

THE "BRITISH FARMER" AND THE ROYAL GLEANERS.

the Pni' r,rr-" n'Ulr:1 on the 26th of this month, 1827, from an unsuccessful attempt to ko to
doim* «!?' ■Sat,frip!ltfully Particular revising barrister, the Ice, having filed an objection to his
"• had been out sixty-one days, and had gone at the rate of a mile a day; so that he

must have got as far as from here to Worthing. This was called Parry's Expedition, but
there was little expedition in the case—and the term was about as appropriate as that of
Fly Waggon to the lumbering roulage, known by that name.

MONTHLY

Aphorisms.

The flowers of Fashion have fled.
The birds of Beauty have migrated.
The Houses of Parliament have
ceased to resound with the periods
of Peel, with the wit of Sibthorpe.
or the laugh which attends if-.
Town is empty. How strikingly it
resembles an author's pocket 1

Moral Reflection.

This is the harvest month, and
so make the most of it. Cut away
asfastasyou can ; and ifvourpro-
pay your rent, cut away altogether.

Th.

SWalln„, A Physical Ditto.
trirf dime T>aVT quits <> ..iv.s

n» ^e> v j us I10t despond. The par-

> revisits t'lw!' v*>'^ concomitant bread-

Th,

us for a more

REMARKS.

harvest delay its welcome advent
to the fourteenth of the month.

Hints.

Rooks and crows, residing in
the vicinity of the metropolis, are
requested to fly high on the 1st
of September, lest they should be
mistaken for partridges.
The careful farmer, also,

♦ 'ill, on that day, do
xcll to confine his poul-
try to their roosts.

Moveable Fairs.

The policemen appear
to consider the
apple-women as
moveable fairs,
and invariably call
upon the fair to
keep moving.

aloni>

8 the social board. Oh, may no late
ne R V ZOOLOGICAL. .

in the wn j now Puts on his best red waistcoat and goes out larking
^boW8* The Kangaroo rollicks in the jungle, and the Cassowary
£ the rushy banks of the shallow stream.

Unclaimed Dividends.

—~ers of Waterloo Bridge never think of claiming a
because they arc quite aware that if they did they would be
sure not to get it.

,.Th,

MONTHLY

Horse-dealer's Duty.

The horse-dealer's duty
is to cheat every body he
can, and take care that
all " white stockings " are
blacked with caustic ; to
warrant all knackers' hacks
as thoroughly sound, and
express happiness at the
chance of taking them back
again if not approved; to
speak of every vicious ani-
mal as " the sweetest mare
he ever saw to call glan-
ders "a cold;" and live
nobody knows where.

To choose Meats.

The cheapest and best
will be found at all times

REMARKS.

the most advantageous.

Joints, like secrets, are
worth little when they are
blown ,■ hut, like children,
should be washed and
dressed before appearing
at table ; and occasionally
basted.

Astronomical Notice.

Punch will cast nativi-|

ties, if any of the natives are'

desirous of knowing them.

Punch will give advice how to act in
any serious matter ; and consequently a
melodramatic performer having a se-
rious part to go through, may have
advice how to act by applying at our
Office.

TO TELL WHAT O'CLOCK IT IS BY A CLOCK THAT DON'T GO.

Get a sun-dial, or, if you have not one by yon, make one. .J8'4®
it out into the sun, and place your clock, that don't go, by the side of
it. Ascertain the time by the shadows thrown on the dial by the
sun, and then take your clock, that don't go, in your left hand,
and turn the hands round with your right, till they agree with the
time marked on the sun-dial. Having done this, look at your clock,
and you will ascertain what o'clock it is. (Reader, keep your temper.)

13 Sbttrtbag after Srmttr.

]7r«

auk cito ies anb Gladstone (players), being Convicted of an Assault,
«nekot*"AsFei,ons in Dover jail, 1842. The jailor removes the actors' locks,
r t* were rather rusty in the wards.

Lo

eu^ilx«* 1mforts English Be
' °4d- What for! Didn't Albert ta

eer for Victoria and her Consort, at
^ ~ v take with him his own better half-and-half ?

^lrr\nv^*^akeham presei>,"ts volumes towards the formation of a

land," })v tv?11 r?1® ^>oi,ick Force at Hammersmith, 18-43. The " Women of Eng-
, to «»/;/. i. ^rs-Ellis, recommended as the "Policeman's Companion," being enough
^°N*as II»« of

p°a 30 yp vvay' wh0 intuoduced the first, and carried the only umbrella,
The "r rs> 1787. He never lost it, having no friend bold enough to borrow it.

So devotoW ^YIMMING Society dine at the Freemasons', 1843. The members,
to the unl J"°4i cause, that after dinner their heads begin to swim; but, by sticking
1831 T ^ ^€6P t^emse^ves a^ove water.

^lana^inS se^ze<l with intermittent ague, puts off the duel for a week. The

that he hn«« ector ca^s an(* s^10ws Jenkins his own anonymous letter, and declares
as saved him from the machinations of a sneaking scoundrel."

14 ?5btmtraj) after ^rtntlp.

himo\pu«k c°mplains in Parliament of a paragraph in a Pater, calling
c°nsiderin^h'HK '^ihlling Gallery Gentry," 1842^ Mr. It., with a tine modesty,

Ri

nS himself not worthy of being placed among the Gods.

^lectthv ^I,I)erman Girbs intends to oppose Alderman Magnay in the
the sornt!«;FOR ^ay0r» 1843. It is subsequently found that Gibbs wouldn't come to
jgjj. <«cti—on any account.

?ftd indent? ?0es to ground, with the Managing Director as second. The staunch
DirpPtrJ5ent Valour's pistol hangs fire, and Jenkins's ball takes effect in the Manag-
§T rors calf. Jenkins flies from the field, feeling himself a parricide-in-law.

employed on the new houses of parliament, 1841.
^ord i * a use» to be so often divided, is not likely to stand.

^l lsI!ViGT0WE!l makks his First Appearance in the Bankruptcy Court,
iiunti,u,*„ to ,-raw very largely from the number of bills he had put out. " Vivat
^ "flower.—j\0 money returned."

aentiewls nfti,S'i? T"E Surrey Zoological Garhens, 1R-13. Observing the
°i the ljya;na, lie inquires the Terms for a Quarter's Tuition forNogaeras.

15 after £Wmtp.

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30

M

Six Paupers Sentenced to 14 Days' Hard Labour for *' laughing and braying,"
1842. Messrs. Fox Lane and Sibthorpe are thus *aved the trouble of moving for a
brcach of privilege.

Several Freedoms Granted to Iniiaritants ok Bread Street Ward, on the
Eli.ctioN fort hi Ai dkrmanic Gown, 1843. The inhabitants give the Alderman
a gown, alter ha\ltsg been well treated, and made free with his money.

The Ponterdulas Gate destroyed by the Rebeccaites, 1843.
The Welsh having been seriously charc/ed to do it.

An Anti-Temperance Society at Hamburgh, founded by one Bocker, put
down by the Government, 1843. The banners of the society were " three sheets in
the wind."

An Irish Journal declares, ^uat the bakers use weekly 30<)0 weight of
Potatoes in Cork, 1842. In England they are distilled into British Braudy, which
is the same as potatoes in Cork.

1831. Jenkins having pulled down the window blind of his attic, takes off the bell-pull
and orders the girl-of-all-work to say that he is out ot town.

16 ^buntfap after TOntlri.


A Monument erected at Cheltenham to commemorate the Duke of Wf.i,.
lington's Visit to that town, sold for Sixteen Guineas, 1843. Shame ! that
the " Iron Duke" should go for only the price of old metal.

Great sensation create® tw the City by the Portugal Wine Treaty, 1843.
Expected that several eminent wine-merchants would become perfect Napoleons at
Logwood.

An enormous monkey, with other animals, comes over from America in tijr
Monarch, 1843. The English monarch haviug got the Yankees' monkey up, America
thinks it better to get rid of it.

Harvest Moon.—Our Sheriff, F. G., cuts his corns.

Mr. Yorke's motion, Not to allow tiie separation of Man and Wife in tdr
Workhouse, negatived, 1841. The dietary of the Union not allowing the luxury
of spare-ribs.

The Clock 9 m. 28 s. too Slow.—This does not apply to St. Clement's, the vari-
ations of which areas follows:—North face, 5h. Giu. too fast; South face, 9h. 2m.
too slow ; East and West faces don't go at all.

17 gbtmfcap after TOnftg.

Laying of the foundation-stone op the Nelson Memorial in Trafalgar
Square, 1840. The Committee, out ol compliment to the single-armed hero. «aolve
to employ but one hand on it.