DOI Heft:
The calendar for the year 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17044#0004
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOR 1855
A MUSTARD-SEED FABLE.
Medical.—“How is it,” asked
Dame Partlet, the hen of her
lord, “that that hideous duck does
nothing but nuke a noise, and yet
always has the largest egg?”
“ My dear,” answered the cuck,
“ so goes the world: the greater
the quack the bigger the gain.”
Hint on Etiquette.—The on- j
accountable dislike which many j
ladies have that their age should
be known, suggests the suspicion !
that we may not always make our-
selves so agreeable as we fancy
in wishing a female acquaintance
many happy returns of her birth-
day. It would, perhaps, be more
judicious to wish her as many re-
turns of the day as she can desire.
A Rub for Rubens.— A new
■Guide to London says of the St.
Martins-in*the-Fields Baths and j
Wash-houses, that “they are con- !
veniently situated at the rear of j
the Royal Academv." We pre- |
sume that this “convenience” is
in reference to the semirings which
pictures receive in the National
establishme.it.
Health and Beauty. — The
young ’lad}' who is unable to sport
a riding habit, should get into a
walking habit.
Military Memorandum.—The
Colonel is the nucleus of his regi-
ment.
Reflection on Mount Par-
nassus.—It is possible to devour
Poetry without being a Poetaster.
To Persons About to Take I
Orders.—A Curate is a clergy
man who cannot get a living.
OH DEAR! THAT REGULAR FAMILY NEXT DOOR ARE HAYING THEIR
CHIMNEY SWEPT AGAIN.
A BATCH OF CONUNDRUMS.
When does snow 100k most
poetical?—When it is turned into
rime.
What part of Pimlico best
agrees with the digestion of its
inhabitants?—That part which is
eaten square (Eaton Square).
When was Kino John most
like dirty linen?—When he went
into the Wash.
What is the worth of a letter
that contains ten jokes?—A ten-
pun note.
DIVERTING DIALOGUE.
“ Mamma, can a door speak? ”
“ Certainly not, my love.”
“ Then why did you tell Anne,
this morning, to answer the
door ? ”
“It is time for you to go to
school, dear.”
A Vulgar layman observes,
that if the moustache movement
was carried into the pulpit, all opr
clergy would become hairy uns!
(Arians.)
j “Do you want your Arms
1 found?” — This is a familiar
j advertisement which Miss Biffin
would Itave considered personally
offensive.
Justice to Scotland.—Why is
not a University established under
the walls of Dunse Castle ?
Domestic Economy.—The raw
material for borne consumption
is principally derived from the
- Butcher’s Shop.
; A Monster! — A policeman
wants to handcuff his baby to pre-
vent it from sucking its thumb.
Insane Query. Did ShaKsFeark ever go to see the hero
of Mont Blanc ?
National Answer. Of course he did. He expressly says,
“ I saw A. Smith.”—(King John. Act iv. Scene 2.)
Nautical Query.— It is said that the British sailor used to
fry histwatch.— A young man imperfectly acquainted with nau-
tical affairs, wishes to know wtiether the watch so extravagantly
fried, was generally the larboard watch or the starboard.
The Right Ascension of the Planets.—We do not
profess to be verv learned in astronomy, but we think it is
a sign of the Right Ascension of one of the planets when
the Mercury rises in the weather glass.
BOTTOM FISHiNG.
Piscator No. 1 (miserably). “ Now, Tom, do leave off. It is’nt of ant use and it’s getting quite dark.
Piscator No. 2. “Leave off!! What a precious disagreeable Chap you are ! You come out for a Days Pleasure, and you re always
WANTING TO GO HoilB I ”
A MUSTARD-SEED FABLE.
Medical.—“How is it,” asked
Dame Partlet, the hen of her
lord, “that that hideous duck does
nothing but nuke a noise, and yet
always has the largest egg?”
“ My dear,” answered the cuck,
“ so goes the world: the greater
the quack the bigger the gain.”
Hint on Etiquette.—The on- j
accountable dislike which many j
ladies have that their age should
be known, suggests the suspicion !
that we may not always make our-
selves so agreeable as we fancy
in wishing a female acquaintance
many happy returns of her birth-
day. It would, perhaps, be more
judicious to wish her as many re-
turns of the day as she can desire.
A Rub for Rubens.— A new
■Guide to London says of the St.
Martins-in*the-Fields Baths and j
Wash-houses, that “they are con- !
veniently situated at the rear of j
the Royal Academv." We pre- |
sume that this “convenience” is
in reference to the semirings which
pictures receive in the National
establishme.it.
Health and Beauty. — The
young ’lad}' who is unable to sport
a riding habit, should get into a
walking habit.
Military Memorandum.—The
Colonel is the nucleus of his regi-
ment.
Reflection on Mount Par-
nassus.—It is possible to devour
Poetry without being a Poetaster.
To Persons About to Take I
Orders.—A Curate is a clergy
man who cannot get a living.
OH DEAR! THAT REGULAR FAMILY NEXT DOOR ARE HAYING THEIR
CHIMNEY SWEPT AGAIN.
A BATCH OF CONUNDRUMS.
When does snow 100k most
poetical?—When it is turned into
rime.
What part of Pimlico best
agrees with the digestion of its
inhabitants?—That part which is
eaten square (Eaton Square).
When was Kino John most
like dirty linen?—When he went
into the Wash.
What is the worth of a letter
that contains ten jokes?—A ten-
pun note.
DIVERTING DIALOGUE.
“ Mamma, can a door speak? ”
“ Certainly not, my love.”
“ Then why did you tell Anne,
this morning, to answer the
door ? ”
“It is time for you to go to
school, dear.”
A Vulgar layman observes,
that if the moustache movement
was carried into the pulpit, all opr
clergy would become hairy uns!
(Arians.)
j “Do you want your Arms
1 found?” — This is a familiar
j advertisement which Miss Biffin
would Itave considered personally
offensive.
Justice to Scotland.—Why is
not a University established under
the walls of Dunse Castle ?
Domestic Economy.—The raw
material for borne consumption
is principally derived from the
- Butcher’s Shop.
; A Monster! — A policeman
wants to handcuff his baby to pre-
vent it from sucking its thumb.
Insane Query. Did ShaKsFeark ever go to see the hero
of Mont Blanc ?
National Answer. Of course he did. He expressly says,
“ I saw A. Smith.”—(King John. Act iv. Scene 2.)
Nautical Query.— It is said that the British sailor used to
fry histwatch.— A young man imperfectly acquainted with nau-
tical affairs, wishes to know wtiether the watch so extravagantly
fried, was generally the larboard watch or the starboard.
The Right Ascension of the Planets.—We do not
profess to be verv learned in astronomy, but we think it is
a sign of the Right Ascension of one of the planets when
the Mercury rises in the weather glass.
BOTTOM FISHiNG.
Piscator No. 1 (miserably). “ Now, Tom, do leave off. It is’nt of ant use and it’s getting quite dark.
Piscator No. 2. “Leave off!! What a precious disagreeable Chap you are ! You come out for a Days Pleasure, and you re always
WANTING TO GO HoilB I ”