DOI issue:
Punch’s Almanack for 1863
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17016#0004
PUNCH’S ALMANACK FOE 1863.
AUTOGRAPHS OF AUTHORS,
FOR ALBUMS.
“ Woe's the first step?” says
Mr. Boltiboy.
“ Well,” said the moist lawyer,
looking at the writ, “ we must
put in an appearance.”
“ An appearance,” said Mr.
Boltiboy, thoughtfully. “ That
will be hard lines, Mr. Toggles,
Sir, but if you say that’s the law,
it's no use me saying contrairy.
But I could wish the law ud be
content with something else.”
“ But it won't,” said Mr. Tog-
gles, peremptorily.
1 ‘ Then, Mr. Toggles, Sir, we
must give in. But it s hard hnes.
There never were hut one Ap-
pearance in our family in all the
days of its lives and the ntghts
neither, and that you might have
heerd talk on by your using the
Pickled Egg, which my grand-
father, Owl Boltiboy as they
called him, not that he were
baptised Owl, quite the reverse,
but in regafd to his meeting one
of them animals in church to
which for I won’t deceive you he
was not greatly addicted, and he
naterally supposed he had seen
an Angel, till his mind was made
easy by the scratching and biting,
which is not in the way of angels,
except the women who are called
angels in a paregoric sense, I've
heerd.”
Mr. Toggles united owls, an-
gels, and women in a compen-
dious wish, and demanded what
the Devil Mr. Boltiboy was
talking about.—Author of Expec-
tations uf Two Great Cities.
An Antithesis of Evils.—Mity
cheese and weak ale.
BOIS DE BOULOGNE—FOR CAVALIERS ONLY!
VOICES OF THE STARS,
BY MOTHER GOOSE.
April.—The first bein’All Fools’
Day, whipper-snapper sportin’
gents, clerks, shopmen, and 'pren-
tices makes up their bettin’ books.
The Sptrritchial Magazine comes
out with a cock-and-bull Ame-
rican story, and tomnoddies
meets for to practise tahle-rap-
pin’. Ah ! Mars in conjunction
with Uranus—is he ? If it’s a con-
i unction, and if the skies was to
fall we should ketch larks. St.
Paul’s may be clashed by a hairy-
light—who knows? and there's
no sayin’ that the New Houses of
Parliament won’t be swollered
up by a hearthquake. Them as
be may live to sue.
NURSERY RHYME.
There was a young lady of
Leeds,
Her eyes were the bigness of
beads,
When they said, “ Do you
squint? ”
She replied, “ I've got lint,
Which I put to my nose when it
bleeds.”
Note on the Game Laws.—
Meteors called shooting stars
may shoot without a licence;
but the stars themselves do not
really shoot; neither do any of
the planets, although they are all
revolvers.
A Gift in Season.—On the
first of April the President of the
United Kingdom Alliance for the
Suppression of the Liquor Traffic
receives the present of a Cork-
screw, and a box of Seidlitz
powders.
WHERE DIFFERENT PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE.
Lawyers should live in Bond Street, Magistrates in Beak
Street, and Parsons and Thief-Catchers in Fetter Lane;
Glaziers should live in Glasshouse Yard, Dairymen in Cow
Lane, Bakers in the Rolls’ Court, and Sausagemakers in Cat-
eaton Street; Pawnbrokers should live at Balls’ Pond.
Seamstresses in Soho, Musicians in Bow Street, and Print-
ers in Chapel Place ; Chiropedist® should live in Cornhill,
Dentists in Long Acre, and Undertakers in Bury Street;
Actors should always live within call of Acton, and Surgeons
should study to be as close to 'Ealing as possible ; Lovers
should live in Panton Street or Size Lane, newly-married
counles in Hart street, and Old Bachelors in Vinegar Yard.
PEOPLE WE DESPAIR OF MEETING.
A Musical critic who will call a voice a voice, and not
puzzle simple people by terming it an organ.
A Greengrocer out waiting whose gloves are not too long
for him, or a Hair-cutter who can hold his tongue while he
is operating.
DOOSED AGGRAVATING FOR YOUNG CORNET FLINDERS, YOU KNOW.
Darling (coaxingly to Favourite Hack).
‘It wa# a nice ’ittle Soft Nose, it was—and it had very Nice Eyes, it had—and it was very Handsome, it
Tttle Sing altogether!!”
was—and tr waB* ***
AUTOGRAPHS OF AUTHORS,
FOR ALBUMS.
“ Woe's the first step?” says
Mr. Boltiboy.
“ Well,” said the moist lawyer,
looking at the writ, “ we must
put in an appearance.”
“ An appearance,” said Mr.
Boltiboy, thoughtfully. “ That
will be hard lines, Mr. Toggles,
Sir, but if you say that’s the law,
it's no use me saying contrairy.
But I could wish the law ud be
content with something else.”
“ But it won't,” said Mr. Tog-
gles, peremptorily.
1 ‘ Then, Mr. Toggles, Sir, we
must give in. But it s hard hnes.
There never were hut one Ap-
pearance in our family in all the
days of its lives and the ntghts
neither, and that you might have
heerd talk on by your using the
Pickled Egg, which my grand-
father, Owl Boltiboy as they
called him, not that he were
baptised Owl, quite the reverse,
but in regafd to his meeting one
of them animals in church to
which for I won’t deceive you he
was not greatly addicted, and he
naterally supposed he had seen
an Angel, till his mind was made
easy by the scratching and biting,
which is not in the way of angels,
except the women who are called
angels in a paregoric sense, I've
heerd.”
Mr. Toggles united owls, an-
gels, and women in a compen-
dious wish, and demanded what
the Devil Mr. Boltiboy was
talking about.—Author of Expec-
tations uf Two Great Cities.
An Antithesis of Evils.—Mity
cheese and weak ale.
BOIS DE BOULOGNE—FOR CAVALIERS ONLY!
VOICES OF THE STARS,
BY MOTHER GOOSE.
April.—The first bein’All Fools’
Day, whipper-snapper sportin’
gents, clerks, shopmen, and 'pren-
tices makes up their bettin’ books.
The Sptrritchial Magazine comes
out with a cock-and-bull Ame-
rican story, and tomnoddies
meets for to practise tahle-rap-
pin’. Ah ! Mars in conjunction
with Uranus—is he ? If it’s a con-
i unction, and if the skies was to
fall we should ketch larks. St.
Paul’s may be clashed by a hairy-
light—who knows? and there's
no sayin’ that the New Houses of
Parliament won’t be swollered
up by a hearthquake. Them as
be may live to sue.
NURSERY RHYME.
There was a young lady of
Leeds,
Her eyes were the bigness of
beads,
When they said, “ Do you
squint? ”
She replied, “ I've got lint,
Which I put to my nose when it
bleeds.”
Note on the Game Laws.—
Meteors called shooting stars
may shoot without a licence;
but the stars themselves do not
really shoot; neither do any of
the planets, although they are all
revolvers.
A Gift in Season.—On the
first of April the President of the
United Kingdom Alliance for the
Suppression of the Liquor Traffic
receives the present of a Cork-
screw, and a box of Seidlitz
powders.
WHERE DIFFERENT PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE.
Lawyers should live in Bond Street, Magistrates in Beak
Street, and Parsons and Thief-Catchers in Fetter Lane;
Glaziers should live in Glasshouse Yard, Dairymen in Cow
Lane, Bakers in the Rolls’ Court, and Sausagemakers in Cat-
eaton Street; Pawnbrokers should live at Balls’ Pond.
Seamstresses in Soho, Musicians in Bow Street, and Print-
ers in Chapel Place ; Chiropedist® should live in Cornhill,
Dentists in Long Acre, and Undertakers in Bury Street;
Actors should always live within call of Acton, and Surgeons
should study to be as close to 'Ealing as possible ; Lovers
should live in Panton Street or Size Lane, newly-married
counles in Hart street, and Old Bachelors in Vinegar Yard.
PEOPLE WE DESPAIR OF MEETING.
A Musical critic who will call a voice a voice, and not
puzzle simple people by terming it an organ.
A Greengrocer out waiting whose gloves are not too long
for him, or a Hair-cutter who can hold his tongue while he
is operating.
DOOSED AGGRAVATING FOR YOUNG CORNET FLINDERS, YOU KNOW.
Darling (coaxingly to Favourite Hack).
‘It wa# a nice ’ittle Soft Nose, it was—and it had very Nice Eyes, it had—and it was very Handsome, it
Tttle Sing altogether!!”
was—and tr waB* ***