DOI issue:
Punch's Almanack for 1883
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17771#0008
PUNCH'S ALMANACK FOR 1883.
[December 7, 1882.
Perambulators and Police
come in together.
MAY xxxi Days.
London Season in Full
Swing.
JUNE xxx Days.
MOORE MODERNISED.
Song for a Dweller in a Quiet Street.
Air—“ Sail on, Sail on /’’
Scale on, scale on,
oh ! tuneless
strummer,
R um-tum-ti-
tiddy - iddy -
turn !
You ’ve thumped
and twangled
all the summer,
You tootle still
now winter’s
come.
The notes you
thrum out seem
to say,
“ Though out of time and tune we be,
Less flat we are, less false than they
Whose clang shall rack thy wife and thee.”
Scale on, scale on—through endless time—
Through morn, noon, evening—stop no
more 1
To slaughter you were scarce a crime,
Oh plaguy and persistent bore !
Were there indeed some quiet street
Where ne’er piano maddened men,
Where never “ Scales ” this ear should greet,
Then might I rest,—but not till then.
April 1.—A juvenile Naturalist discovers
a Cuckoo’s nest in a quickset hedge, the nest
containing six eggs, and the hen Cuckoo
sitting on them. Tells a playmate to go
and see.
NEW READING.
{By a Poor Clerk.)
It is bad to be seedy and cold,
It is bad to be short in your screw,
It is bad to be off with the old top-coat.
Before you are on with the new.
UNCLE BULGER'S MORAL TALES
No. II.—Gertie and the Goat.
Gertie was at school at Miss Primrod's
at Brighton, and Gertie’s Papa was one of
the most influential members of the Goat
Society. Though she was too big to ride in
a goat-chaise, she had a kindly feeling
towards all goat-kind. Her favourite of the
whole tribe, however, was a great, fierce,
tawny, crumpled-horn, green-eyed, shaggy-
coated monster, whose name was Ram joggle.
Every morning when the young ladies
walked along the Marine Parade two and
two, did she secrete in her muff, a crisp
lettuce, a cold tea-cake, or a stale sponge-
cake. And every morning might Ramj oggle
be seen waggling his wicked old head, and
hanging its disreputable old tongue out of
his mouth in anticipation of the banquet.
This always caused a pause in the pro-
cession, and annoyed Miss Primrod very
much. She had commanded that such con-
duct should not be repeated, but the child
| was such an enthusiastic goatophile that
she declined to obey. As a last resource,
Gertie was compelled to walk in charge of
Miss Pimrod herself, who took very good
care that no contraband goatesque refresh-
ment was provided. The first morning of
the new arrangement Ram joggle shook his
head furiously and could not make it out, the
second he raised a plaintive bleat, that
brought tears into Gertie’s eyes, the third
he had evidently found out all about it, and
breaking away from his driver, smashing
his chaise all to pieces against a post, he
went for Miss Primrod pretty straight. The
whole procession ivas thrown into confusion.
J The goat, however, singled out Miss Prim-
j ROD for special vengeance. He chased the
| poor lady, and she only escaped by popping
through the turnstile of the Aquarium. Miss
! Primrod was very angry, and in the after-
| noon Gertie was severely punished. Eventu-
! ally she wrote to her Papa ; he came down
| and was very indignant, removed her from
the school, and bought the goat. Ramjoggle
is now in clover, he has a beautiful silver
collar, and fares sumptuously ; he never for-
gets the kindness of his young mistress, nor
what she suffered on his account, and if
j he could only have half an hour’s straight
I butting at Miss Primrod, he would probably
I die happy.
[December 7, 1882.
Perambulators and Police
come in together.
MAY xxxi Days.
London Season in Full
Swing.
JUNE xxx Days.
MOORE MODERNISED.
Song for a Dweller in a Quiet Street.
Air—“ Sail on, Sail on /’’
Scale on, scale on,
oh ! tuneless
strummer,
R um-tum-ti-
tiddy - iddy -
turn !
You ’ve thumped
and twangled
all the summer,
You tootle still
now winter’s
come.
The notes you
thrum out seem
to say,
“ Though out of time and tune we be,
Less flat we are, less false than they
Whose clang shall rack thy wife and thee.”
Scale on, scale on—through endless time—
Through morn, noon, evening—stop no
more 1
To slaughter you were scarce a crime,
Oh plaguy and persistent bore !
Were there indeed some quiet street
Where ne’er piano maddened men,
Where never “ Scales ” this ear should greet,
Then might I rest,—but not till then.
April 1.—A juvenile Naturalist discovers
a Cuckoo’s nest in a quickset hedge, the nest
containing six eggs, and the hen Cuckoo
sitting on them. Tells a playmate to go
and see.
NEW READING.
{By a Poor Clerk.)
It is bad to be seedy and cold,
It is bad to be short in your screw,
It is bad to be off with the old top-coat.
Before you are on with the new.
UNCLE BULGER'S MORAL TALES
No. II.—Gertie and the Goat.
Gertie was at school at Miss Primrod's
at Brighton, and Gertie’s Papa was one of
the most influential members of the Goat
Society. Though she was too big to ride in
a goat-chaise, she had a kindly feeling
towards all goat-kind. Her favourite of the
whole tribe, however, was a great, fierce,
tawny, crumpled-horn, green-eyed, shaggy-
coated monster, whose name was Ram joggle.
Every morning when the young ladies
walked along the Marine Parade two and
two, did she secrete in her muff, a crisp
lettuce, a cold tea-cake, or a stale sponge-
cake. And every morning might Ramj oggle
be seen waggling his wicked old head, and
hanging its disreputable old tongue out of
his mouth in anticipation of the banquet.
This always caused a pause in the pro-
cession, and annoyed Miss Primrod very
much. She had commanded that such con-
duct should not be repeated, but the child
| was such an enthusiastic goatophile that
she declined to obey. As a last resource,
Gertie was compelled to walk in charge of
Miss Pimrod herself, who took very good
care that no contraband goatesque refresh-
ment was provided. The first morning of
the new arrangement Ram joggle shook his
head furiously and could not make it out, the
second he raised a plaintive bleat, that
brought tears into Gertie’s eyes, the third
he had evidently found out all about it, and
breaking away from his driver, smashing
his chaise all to pieces against a post, he
went for Miss Primrod pretty straight. The
whole procession ivas thrown into confusion.
J The goat, however, singled out Miss Prim-
j ROD for special vengeance. He chased the
| poor lady, and she only escaped by popping
through the turnstile of the Aquarium. Miss
! Primrod was very angry, and in the after-
| noon Gertie was severely punished. Eventu-
! ally she wrote to her Papa ; he came down
| and was very indignant, removed her from
the school, and bought the goat. Ramjoggle
is now in clover, he has a beautiful silver
collar, and fares sumptuously ; he never for-
gets the kindness of his young mistress, nor
what she suffered on his account, and if
j he could only have half an hour’s straight
I butting at Miss Primrod, he would probably
I die happy.