Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

147

PUNCH'S OWN REPORT OF THE ROYAL
PROGRESS.

9

kfore resuming our report of the Royal
progress, we have one or two little
incidents to revert to, particularly the
affecting circumstance of the Queen
having tied on the bonnet of the
Princess-Royal at the window of the
inn ; a fact that has added ten per
cent, to her popularity. That bonnet
■will give stability to her Crown, and
those strings will tie the people more
closely to the House of Brunswick.
Another source of the popularity
which Her Majesty has gained must
be looked for in the Brose, an unpala-
table concoction of barley and salt,
whicli the Queev manages to taste
wherever she goes ; and, by calling it
nice, she has tickled the vanity of the
Scotch people. Prince Albert has
patronised the toddy once or twice,
and the little Princess has been made to eat oat cake several
times—for a child will demolish any thing with the name of cake —
and the Scotch are flattered into the belief that theirs is really a treat
for the illustrious infant.

Saturday.—Prince Albert rode out on a pony, and shot three
harts, facetiously observing, that three harty dinners could be made
of them. The Queen rode out in a pony-phaeton to see the Falls of
Bruar, but witnessed a fall of another kind in the shape of a pelting
shower, which she was informed would add greatly to the grandeur
of the scene ; but as she was compelled to hold a great gig umbrella
right over her eyes, the grandeur of the scene was thrown away upon
her.

Monday.—Her Ma jest r was wheeled about in a garden-chair,
while Prince Albert went out grouse-shooting. The sport was
meagre, and, it is said, the birds were shy, but we suspect the " shy-
ness " was on the part of the Prince's sportsmanship. On his way
home, he bought a few brace, to prevent the Queen from quizzing
him—an innocent amusement Iter Majesty is much addicted to.

Tuesday.—The Princess-Royal and her nursery-governess,
Madlle. Chairier, had their usual run and romp, for half an hour,
on the grass-plot.

As it would be wearisome to continue the account of the progress
from day to day, we therefore refer the public to the daily journals,
in which events equally interesting with those related above will be
found faithfully recorded.

We ought, perhaps, not to omit a royal bon mot of more than
xverage brilliancy :—The Queen asked Prince Albert's opinion
of Lord Glenlyon. "Oh !" said the Prince, "Lord Glenlyon
is all very well, but nothing out of the way." " Indeed ! " replied the
Queen, " you would not have thought him nothing out of the way,
if you had been taken, as I was, a mile in the wrong direction by his
Lordship yesterday." The Prince, who indulges in the same sort
of banter that the Queen is said, by the papers, to delight in at the
expense of the Prince, threatened to send the joke up to Punch.

How well his Royal Highness can keep his word, our present
number will testify.

SCENE AT A CHOP HOUSE.

A Gentleman ealing his Dinner, and reading a Paper. Another enters.

2nd Gent. I '11 look at that Newspaper when you have done with
It, Sir.

1st Gent. It's not a Newspaper.

2nd Gent. No ? What is it then ?

1st Gent. It's the Morning Herald.

2nd Gent. Oh !—then 1 won't trouble yon.

A. Disloyal Dogr.

We have often heard of the sagacity of the canine species, but we don't
know what to say to the ill-mannered hound, who while on his way to be
presented to Prince Albert, slipped away from the person who had the
charge of him. Perhaps the creature was shy and felt nervous at the
Idea of being expected to make his bow-wow in the presence of royalty.

LOU S PHILIPPE'S VISIT TO " PERFIDIOUS

ALBION."

It is by this time pretty well known to the whole universe that
the King of the French has no great claim upon the good offices of
Punch • seeing that, wherever Puncli shews his nose in France, he is
immediately impounded by the police ; that he is stopped at the Post-
office—seized at the Custom House—not permitted even to be at the
table of any steam-boat in any French port. But doth this foolish-
ness of the King of the French move the wrath of Punch ? Certainly
not—nothing but his pity ; he can look philosophically around him,
and pardon French injustice : more, he can give good advice to
Louis Philippe—a fact made manifest by the subjoined epistles.

From the King of the French to Punch.

Neuilly, Sept. 17, 1ZM.

Mr. Punch,—Whatever differences may have passed between us. j
have too much faith in your wisdom and generosity to believe that you
will deny me your counsel in my present perplexity.

I have beer, invited to England. Now, Sir, do you think it safe for me to
come ? Do you believe that, after all the hard words, all thefanfaronnaie
of my Paris press,—that I shall be decently received by the people of
England I Shall I be mobbed or huzzaed ! Covered with roses or eggs '

I am induced to put this question from a thorough belief that if Queen
Victoria were just now to come to Paris, that a French mob would not,
by their reception of her, prove themselves the most civilised people of the
earth. Sure I am that her ears would be assailed with " a bas les Anglais "
—" Pritchard "—" Albion perfide," and other choice epithets current in
the French papers.

To whom, then, in my difficulty can I so well apply as to you, Mr.
Punch *you, who know so well the heart of perfid— that is, of generous
Albion. Pray, then, drop me a line—let me know if I may with safety
venture among you. and (despite our quarrels)

Believe me, your sincere friend,

Louis Philippe.

From Punch to the King of the French.

Sfre,—I thought your long experience of Englishmen had taught you
better. What ! have you forgotten the sweet days of retirement when,
freed from the ceremony of a palace, you lived a philosophic exile in a two-
pair back, Tottenham-court-road \ Can jou, then, for a moment, doubt
the land of reception you will have of us ?

Fear not, Sire but come. We shall treat you with respect—withhospi.
tality. We leave it to " the sons of glory," to " jeune France" to insult
the stranger in their streets by foul words and braggadocio gestures—yes,
we leave ic to " the most civilised nation of the earth " to make mouths and
deal in foul words towards the foreigner who, in the security of peace,
trusts himself to national hospitality and—finds it not.

I remain, your obedient servant,
When you come, I shall be happy to show you the lions.

SNAILS ON RIBANDS,

In one of the excursions of the Archseologists, Dr. Buckland paused
at some snails. He gave, says the Athenaeum—

"A striking illustration of the strong acid of these snails, by placing: one for a short
time on the lilac riband of a lady's bonnet. The young lady did not seem displeased
with the test, with its success, or the scissors of the operator reducing the riband of her
bonnet; but when Db. Bcckland requested her signature in attestation of the truth o<
his statement, the lady declined the honour."

This is an error. The young lady wrote the following document :—

*' I hereby attest that Da. Bucki.and, with his nasty salts of snails, has entirely spoiK
my love of a lilac riband ; and 1 furthermore declare it to be my opinion that the said
Dr Bockland, if he be a gentleman, will behave himself as such, and immediately
present me with a new one."

Martyr Promises.

The present Mr Grattak—who bears about the same relative value to
his great father as the potato apple bears to the potato—has promised
Ireland " never to have a quiet mind or a peaceful sleep" until repeal
shall be obtained ! Ma. Steele has also promised Ireland never to sneeze
until his country shall be free ; whilst it is whispered that Fatheb
MaGUIRe has vowed " never again to open his lips" until that glor:.ou«
consummation ! This last report, however, is too good to be true '

NE EXEAT REGNO.

We be-r leave to suggest, as a motto for the Great Britain Steam Ship
it Bristol, the saying of Sterne's Starling, " I can't get oot."