Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

195

THE NOBLE SCIENCE OF WARFARE,

A RCHIMEDES would have moved the world if he could have got the raeaus of doing it, aud
then got the world to stand stock still while he tried the experiment ! Captain Warner
would have spiflicated Europe, if he could only have prevailed on Sir R. Peel to supply the
powder and shot for such a magnificent project. Some scientific folks have got into an establishment
at Fulham, from which they issued a prospectus, undertaking to blow up schooners on moderate
terms, and annihilate fortresses at the very shortest notice. All this is to be done by shells ;
but the public are called upon to shell-out as a preliminary ; and, so far, the plan of the Fuiham
folks and that of Captain Warner, appear to be pretty nearly identical. The benevolent object of
'.he parties is, to put an end to war, by making war so truly terrific, that, like the two Kilkenny
tats, it will put an end by its very ferocity to its own existence. It seems to be (familiarly
tpeakim;,) a rum idea to destroy life wholesale, for the purpose of saving it in detail ; and we
*iust say, we prefer the peaceful philosophy of the private in the Royal Artillery, who did for the
'ouch-hole, what horticulture has already done for vegetation. Instead of spiking the enemies'
t;uns he watered them—an act for which he deserves to go down to posterity with the watering-pot

\i his hand_for there is, surely, more real civilisation in applying the soothing system to the angry

cannon, than in converting it into a monster which even
'hose whom it serves are afraid of.

We should suggest to the Peace Society, that a corps
should be raised, te be called the Light Water Pots, whose
iuty it should be to
flamp the fury of Ihe
enemies' guns ; and
thus introduce a real
Grand Junction be-
tween all the nations
if the world.

DESTROYING THE ENEMy's GUNS.

of six-and-twenty muffin boys, to which the general postman will form a
bass of surprising depth and grandeur. The effect of this composition
will not be tried until the Exchange is in full operation, and the muffin
season has set in, which may be looked for in the course of nature within
a week or two.

THE HARE AND THE PEASANT.

Although many of the pure-minded who offer incense at Exeter
Hall, may not be conscious of the fact, it is nevertheless most true
that John Bull has his idols ; to the which with most sanctimonious
face he is ever and anon sacrificing men, women, and babes. John,

with a look of pitying disgust, talks of the superstitions of the past THE CITIZENS AND THEIR HORSES.

and of the present : ke laments the darkness of the heathen who It would hardly bave been SUpposedj from the awkwardness of
have their sacred apes, their consecrated crocodiles. Nay, John , several of the citizens on horseback on Monday, that they and their
does more than this. John unbuttons his pocket, and pays men to . horses had ever met before; but the fact is, that the animals had
build ships, that truth and wisdom may be carried to idolaters. He j been introduced formally to their riders on the previous Thursday,
enlists missionaries—he sends forth the hopeful and strong-hearted £he interesting interview took place at Davis's riding-school in the
, , ... .. , .. ... . I Blackfriars Road, the ring; of which was devoted to the reception of

to wither beneath a pestilential climate, so that even withering, , , ■ , ' m \, . , , , , , , _ ,

, , . . the select circle. I he noble animals had been brought up expressly

they may be ministrant of civilisation to the savage. And all. from Woolwich ; and were, one by one, introduced by Mr. Davis,
the while —simple John—that he is paying for and labouring in \ who acted as master of the ceremonies, after the following fashion :
these good works—he has his own pet idols—his own baboons and Old Jack, Sir Peter Laurie—Sir Peter Laurie, Old Jack.
alligators—with his " bold peasantry," as their constant victims. Dorse tosses his head—Laurie bows.
Alas! ere John shall again count up these abominations of the ! STir PeteI- I'm glad to see you, Jack.

heathen, let him calculate the number of men, with their wives and o- r>l a r \- • 1 i i t >ii *___a ™™«*

*>ir Peter. A facetious animal, upon my honour! I 11 try and mount.

Horse (kicks out behind, and snorts.)

Sir Peter. That's as much as to say neigh (»«,(/), my fine fellow.
Horse. He ! he ! he !

Davis (coming up). Well, Sir Peter, what do you think of your new
friend ?

Sir Peter. I never saw so little breeding.

Davis. Oh, nonsense, Sir Peter : you 're strange just now, but you '11

families, sacrificed at every quarter-sessions to the idols of the land-
lord—to his hares, his pheasants, and his partridges !

THE BELLS OF THE ROYAL EXCHANGE.

Much disappointment has been expressed at the bells of the Royal ' get on better together after a bit.

h^Tr, temS UP a .\unf > >nstead°f ,beinS Pkced-in the Sir Pefer< Get%n together ! I can't get on a bit-he won't let me.

hands ot native composers. a rapid stride might have been taken in ! o i ., i- i j- »j. j ti • ,

favour of English opera, if the British bell-rope had been confided to some ! Such 7™ Peculiar badinage that passed on the occasion, and

of our English musicians. Though unfortunately they are so much lfc Was ultlmately agreed that, in consequence of the general difficulty
addicted to pulling different ways, that fearful discord would perhaps j of mounting, the crane which is used for drawing up the hay and
have been the consequence. j straw into the loft should be at the service of those gentlemen who

Professor Taylor has, however, composed a very effective solo for the might desire at once to be placed in the saddle without any prelimi-
largest bell, with a chorus for the little ones. We understand that I nary rearing of the quadrupeds. The civic cayalry would, of course,
Donizetti will be invited to write a romance for the street-door bell, and therefore, be drawn up in single line—that is to say, with one rope—
a, duett for that and the knockers,—with full accompaniments for a peal previous to joining the procession.