Punch (8.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 85

EARLY HISTORY OF VALENTINES.

ery little is known of the Saint
who lends his name to the nu-
merous pictorial and poetical half-
sheets of paper at the present
period of the year. He was
martyred at Rome in the year
270, and were he alive now would
have another martyrdom to en-
dure in seeing the desecration to
which he is subjected by the connection of his name with the vilest
daubs and the most wretched poetry.
A modern writer says—

" My rifled breast I search'd with care,
And found Eliza lurking there."

The gentleman's breast must have been very capacious to have allowed
Eliza to remain " upon the lurk " before the owner of the premises was
aware of it.

The Sentimental Valentines that adorn the windows in the present day
generally disclose a sort of understanding between human beings and
doves, which permits the former to tie the latter by the leg to altars
raised in the open air, and to which the feathered warblers are attached
by means of sarsnet ribbons. The altars to which these ram aues are
ttached, generally have a couple of hearts cooking on a somewhat fierce
fire, so that theymust inevitably be " done to rags," particularly as there is
no one to baste them—though there is not unfrequently a spoon, in the

shape of a young man, with his collars turned down, standing within a
convenient distance of the cruel cookery.

Some of the Valentines of the present day display ladies coming out oi
roses, with their hair in full frizzle, so that the ringlets must have been
capitally calculated for keeping in curl, or they never could have emerged
in such a tidy state from the flower in which their fair owner has been
deposited. Considering that the lady is about four times the height of
the blossom from which she is emerging, her position while sitting perdue
among the leaves, must have been, to say the least of it, a very awkward
one.

In other Valentines a young man, in a wig, evidently snatched from one
of the wax figures in Truefitt's window, seems bursting from the tram-
mels of a tulip, like a Jack-in-the-box emerging from his prison.

Another favourite of the artist in Valentines is a girl without a bonnet
in the open air, in a robe of white muslin, pointing to a cottage, the first-
floor window of which is about up to her waist, while her indigitating
action is supposed to intimate that with him she loves she would be satis-
fied to reside in the tenement at which she points, though probably the
youth is a seedy clerk who is compelled to walk into the heart of the city
every day, and who has no more chance of being able to live out of town
in the humble cot, than he has of taking up his quarters in the round
tower of Windsor Castle.

Such are a few of the features of modern Valentines, of which we have
been compelled to smash the sentiment, even at the risk of bringing a tear
into the eye of the milliner's girl, or the servant-maid, aud a snivel into
the nose of the too sensitive shop-boy.

PROPOSED NEW CLUB IN THE CITY.

-Punch, having now established himself within the City, feels penetrated
with a sense of his local responsibilities, and especially of his duties to his
Corporation and his Gibbs. Cosmopolite as he is, he is sensible that his
fellow-citizens have a peculiar claim upon him for the benefit of his
advice and suggestions. Under these circumstances, he regards himself
as doing but a neighbourly act, in proposing the establishment of a new
civic institution, to be called " The Twenty Stone Club, and Incor-
porated Lambert Society." The constitution and objects of this Club,
as it exists in his mind, are equally simple. It is to consist of freemen of
the City of London, each weighing not less than twenty stone, but any
amount more ; and its design is the still further increase, in a ponderable
sense, of its members. Great as is the number of men of weight of which
our City at present boasts, an addition to it is surely desirable ; and the
encouragement of gravity, be it observed, will by no means interfere with
the promotion of mirth. To the carrying out of the great purpose of this
Society, the utmost assiduity in eating will be necessary. Hence a brisk-
ness will be communicated to turtle ; venison will look up ; an unwonted
activity will be imparted to beef; and incalculable advantages will accrue
to gastronomy in general. The enlargement of Newgate and Leadenhall
markets may safely be predicted, from the profit which the butcher will
derive from the cultivation of the Alderman; and indeed the site of the
Clubhouse should adjoin Butchers' Hall — not too closely, however;

because a new hall will shortly have to be built, of course. Imagination,
when it contemplates the results of this establishment, loses itself in
wonder. The arm-chairs which will be required for the accommodation
of the members will be enormous ; especially that of the Chairman, who
will naturally be the heaviest man of the Club. We shall read in the
newspapers of Club dinners at which the collective weight of those
who sat down amounted to millions of pounds !

What ideas of our civic greatness such an announcement would give
foreign nations, will readily be conceived. Of course, Messrs. Cubitt, or
Grissell and Peto, or whoever may have the building of the Club-house,
will see to the strength of the walls and flooring. As nobody under
twenty stone will be admissible as a member, all candidates, before weigh,
ing, must take their money out of their pockets ; and, in fairness, ought to
be weighed before dinner. The respectability of the Club will be guaranteed
by its wealth ; and that, again, will be necessitated by the cost of the
dinners, which from their quantity and quality, must, even at the most
reasonable rate, be tremendous. With regard to the architecture of the
building, it may be sufficient to suggest that the facade should be adorned
with a portico, supported by Caryatides representing huge Aldermen, and
surmounted by a statue of Daniel Lambert, whose execution may be
confided to his partial namesake, Jones. Perhaps Sir Peter Laurie,
entering into the views of Punch, will, at the next Court of Aldermen, bring
forward this project, whose completion will be such a feather in the Cap of
Maintenance, and will so greatly tend to the renown and glory of London.