Punch (8.1845)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

143

THE CORPORATION TOURNAMENT.

It has been thought peculiarly ungrateful of Lord Brougham—but what a man Henry

BROMPTON IN DANGER!

Mr. Punch,

I am a Bronjptonian—a dweller at
the Athens end of London. I call upon you
for counsel and relief. There is a great brick
and mortar stir about us ; houses are rising
up like whole streets in a pantomime. Bromp-
ton air is resonant with the bricklayer's trowel !
We are shooting out at all points of the com-
pass. Well, of this itself I do not complain,
1 but of its dire effects. We are invaded by a
legion of doctors, brought hither by the car-
cases of houses. Every day brings a new ar-
rival : every night is made more horrible by
the accession of a red bull's-eye over the door,
indicative of the slayer within. The very air
is infected. We breathe nothing but rhubarb
and senna, and the prolonged effects of this
must be mischievous to all the inhabitants.
Counsel something—advise something ! Is
there no law to indict doctors as a nuisance,
when they shall be found more than three to
one of every parishioner ? for such I firmly
believe to be the miserable condition of the
hitherto happy denizens of Brompton.

Yours, The Nervous Man.

is I-that he should have attacked the City of London Corporation, defended, as it is at Jfc^ g £45 °Z^t SLjg
present, by the Man of Brass. However, it is evident, from the above, that Brougham has f0uows that we must be overrun with under-
done what everybody else has failed to do : he ha3 made the champion bleed, j takers.

HUNTER AND HUMBUG.

The College of Surgeons has this year disappointed its members and
•the profession at large of a comfortable nap, by omitting to treat them to
the " Hunterian Oration " This oration used to be delivered annually,
by one of the council, in the Theatre of the College, and there was no
farce like it in any other theatre in London ; though its narcotic effects
reminded one, by name, of M Animal Magnetism." It was a sort of
historical panegyric upon Surgery and Surgeons in general, with parti-
cular references to living gentlemen, approximating to the puff. Its
«lements were the prosaic, the pompous, and the dry, in equal proportions,
with a slight admixture of the awful, in the shape of Joes or jokes quoted
at second hand from Abernethy. Some say that the council did not give
it because they expected to be hissed by their audience : others aver that
they forgot all about it : of which two assertions, if their collective
memory is on a par with their collective wisdom, the latter is perhaps as
likely as the former. Dr. Lynch, the other day at Exeter Hall, delivered
a Hunterian Oration to the General Practitioners ; but it wanted that
amount of twaddle aud rigmarole which characterise the genuine
discourse.

The following may serve as a specimen of what might, or ought to
have been at the College,

THE HUNTERIAN ORATION.

Gentlemen,

The oration which I have the honour of delivering to you,
derives its name from the celebrated John Hunter. The statement I am \
about to make will surprise some of you ; but the fact is, that Hunter
was an ass—I mean, that he was an ass in a practical sense ; for you are
aware that practice is our prime object; whereas, Hunter's practice was
such, that he died quite poor ; so that it clearly was not worth anything.
You have all heard of snuff; it is a medicinal substance ; well, this is
what Hunter was not up to : but we are. He prosecuted physiology :
we pursue the main chance : he collected specimens : we collect fees : I
and we beseech you to aid our scientific labours, by calling us in to con-
sult as often as you can. We, the Council, are the head of the profes-
sion, and the interest of that profession, that is to say, our own interest,
is always running in that head. Do not however, confound this with
sordid self-interest. We include amongst us the surgeons of the large
London Hospitals ; and having also the control of surgical education, we
are naturally anxious to keep all the teaching in our own hands, on ac-
count of the knowledge we expect the pupils to get out of us, and not,
believe me, of the money we hope to get out of them.

We admit no one as a fellow of our College, unless he has attended one
of these hospitals for three years. Some say that it does not matter
where a man gets the knowledge he possesses; it does matter to us,
though, as the Yankees say, "a considerable sum."

We are told that our hospitals, with their vast funds, ought to have ,
branch establishments in the country, for the benefit of patients requiring

fresh air. Well ; if anybody wishes us to let provincial opposition-shops
or schools spring up against us, I can only say we wish he may get it.
We want to keep the Profession respectable. Accordingly, we take the
best houses, live in the first style, and drive the handsomest carriages we
can ; and in doing this, which comes very expensive, you ought to sup-
port us to the utmost. With the same view we get our own connexions
and relations into offices, which in France are open to all sorts of low
people, by examination. So, also, we exclude from our privileges those
who possess the same diploma with ourselves, and another to boot ; 1
allude to General Practitioners; for when the purity of our motives is so
often questioned, we are reasonably desirous to keep ourselves pure sur
geons. We may sometimes take a few patients out of your hands ; but
you will be too generous to mind that; and we assure you that we will do
every amputation, or other job you may give us, on the most reasonable
terms, consistent with etiquette and the state of the funds. Gentlemen,
I thank you for the patience with which you have listened to me # hich
is such, that I am really surprised at it.

PUNCH'S NOY'S MAXIMS.

36. Every act shall be taken most strictly against hivi who made it.—This is a
very good maxim, but it is not faithfully carried out ; for if it were,
the framers of the Poor Law Act would be occasionally subjected to
its provisions. The individual who made a brazen bull for the pur
pose of torturing others, and was himself the first victim to his new
invention, had his Act taken most strictly against himself; and if
Acts of Parliament were to be applied strictly to those who made
them, it is probable that there would be considerable improvement
in the quality of legislation. If I give A . B. a gold snuff-box, saying,
" A. C, take this," it is a good gift, though I call him by a wrong
name ; but if I call him wrong names, and he, giving me a box on
the ears, says, " B. D., take that" the gift is not so good as it
might be.

37. He who cannot have the effect of the thing, shall have the thing
itself. Ut res magis valeat quam ■pei-eat. It is better a thing should
have effect than be void. — This maxim is somewhat ambigu-
ous, but it means simply that where there is no meaning in a
sentence, the law will make one, rather than refrain from interfering.
Formerly, however, the better mode of reading the maxim would
have been by saying, " he who cannot have the effects of the thing
shall have the thing itself;"—for until arrest was abolished—and
even still in some cases—if a broker cannot have the effects he will
have the person, and if he returns nulla bona—which means literally
nothing to bone—he could formerly bene the body.