Punch (8.1845)

252

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

YOUNG ENGLAND'S OLD HABITS.

A CASE OF "DARK BLUE SPOTS/

A Mr. Thomas Warrell attempted to enter the opera
pit, with his newly-married wife on his arm, and " a coloured
neckerchief, with dark blue spots," about his neck. He was
told—civilly told, it is said—that he must wear either white
or black. Moreover, we are assured that the check-taker
kindly informed Mr. Warrell that there were tradesmen ha
the Opera Arcade " by whom fitting neckerchiefs were let
out on hire to gentlemen unprovided with such tilings " (VVe
shall soon see toothpicks advertised to be let out on hire
by the single dinner or week !) Mr. Warrell would not
be advised ; and, to come to the pith of the matter, he was
brought before Mr Hall, of Bow Street (Hall and Twy-
ford ! "twin cherries on one stalk !") for giving "a blow
in the face " to a police constable. Mr. Strutt, solicitor for
the accused, eloquently argued his defence. Mr. Warrell
had been much excited " by what he deemed to be insulting
treatment, especially in the presence of his newly-married
wife." Mr. Strutt, by this defence, showed a subtle know-
ledge of the human heart. Had the wife not been uewjy
married, why the assault would not have been so venal.

Come we, however, to the judgment of Mr. Hall. He
said—

" The violent conduct of the defenHant wis quite inexcusable, as he had
heen respectfully treated by the officers in the first place ; whilst, from
his remark on the occasion, it would almost seem that he had experienced
such scenes before. However, as Mr. Lumley (lessee of the Opera House)
had expressed a wish that he shuu'd nut inflict the full penalty, he would
fine him 50s., or be committed for 14 days in default of payment."

T T was on one of the gloomiest

mornings of the late bloomy An(* thus, conduct " quite inexcusable," was to be " ex-
month of May that a stout and cused " by the "wish" of Mr. Lumley. It was not the
somewhat elderly gentleman was question whether the assault upon the police-officer—Mr.
wending his way through Holy- Lumley, by the way, did not himself suffer "the blow in the
well Street. His broad-brimmed face "—was gross and unprovoked, but whether Mr Lumley
beaver and top-boots, together wished for a lenient or severe sentence upon it. How very
with his protuberant waistcoat, Polite 011 tlle P3*1 of Mr- Hall ! In a snon time^ magistrates
and spacious but discontented will become as courteous as any tradesmen to people of
countenance, proclaimed John influence. And whereas dealers behind the counter consult
Bull : the wishes of their customers, so will magistrates, in the same

" Give ye good day, Sir!" spirit, ask the desires of complainants—" How would you
exclaimed a trader with long ! ^e tne prisoner treated, sir ? Two months at the treadmill,
ringlets, rushing out of one or 0d'.y a smlple nae • " At times, great is the urbanity ai

of the old clothes' shops, with Bow Street!
which the thoroughfare abounds.
" I wish you could ! " grumbled the stout one, with an imprecation on the weather.
" Nay, sweet Sir," said Young England ; for he was the first speaker. " Marry,

doth your Worship now lack a bravery?" An extraordinary artist from Kentucky has arrived in

John Bull, with an allusion to the Prince of Darkness asked him what he meant ? E land He balaJnces a feather on his 'noss in a manner
" Be not wroth, good Master mine," replied the youth. Here is goodly gear, ^ defieg a,j fa of rivaJr He wou,d at ^ a week

mark you ; and you shall find other great store within. He pointed, as he spoke h ^ /ed have been commanded t0 exhibit at

to some rusty helmets greaves, pikes, partizans, and targets ; which, together with B8ucki ham ^alace . but, M it a some evil-disposed

some tattered trunk-hose, doublets, and other middle-aged, not to say old clothes,

were suspended over his shop-window.

" I doD't want any of your rubbish," cried Mr. Bull, buttoning up his pockets.
" I have here a jerkin, Sir," urged Young England, " that will suit your Worship

to a marvel."

" Go to Jericho," returned John, " with your jerkins, or gherkins, or whatever
you call them."

" Gramercy, good Sir ! " exclaimed the other. " I would fain commend these
galligaskins to your Worship."

" Keep your galligaskins to yourself," growled John Bull.

" An your Worship would truck with your servitor, it should content him well;"
pursued Young England. " This Spanish hat now for your Worship's beaver—at
small boot 1 "

" Hate a small boot." was the reply.

" Would your Worship a bartizan ?"

" No—no ! "

" Or a basnet ?"

" No-no—no ! "

" A suit of orange tawny, murrey colour, Lincoln green, or russet—tagged and
tasseled point-de-vice ! A slashed velvet ? "

" I '11 slash you if you don't mind," cried John Bull. " Let me pass, will ye ? '

Royal Patronage of the Arts.

ingham Palace ; but. as it appears, some evil-disposed
persons had circulated the scandal that the artist was not a
Kentuckian, but only an Englishman. The American Ambas-
sador has very properly taken up the matter ; and it now
being proved that the feather-balancer is a real, undoubted
foreigner, it is every day expected that he will be graciously
commanded to the Palace.

AN INCURABLE COMPLAINT.

The Royal Albert and Victoria Yacbf. is still on the si«£
list. She was recommended sea-bathing some time back,
but she shook so violently when she went into the water,
that it was thought that the remedy would be the death of
her. She has been laid up at Portsmouth ever since, and
great fears are entertained whether she will ever recover the
shock.

a bargain.

A Call to be Disposed op.—To any of the Irish members
who have any fear in crossing the Channel, it is particularly
Nay, Sir ; prythee—in sooth—'ifegs-lfackms ! pleaded fouNG Englakd. Is recomniended App|y in person to Mr. Joseph Hume, or by
there nought your Worship is minded to purchase withal ? " ]et(er tQ the Serjeant 0f the House of Commons, who, upon

" No ! " said John Bull. " Confound the fellow ! I tell you no ! Get out of the 1
W8y, I say ! " And flourishing his thick walking-stick, he pushed forcibly by Young
England, who, being the weaker of the two, would necessarily have gone to the wall,
if Mr. Bull, rushing between him and it, had not jostled him into the kennel.

Muttering " Marry, come up ! " the Young English old clothesman retired into his
Bhop.

" What, the deuce !" exclaimed John Bull, as he bustled onward. " Does the
man tike me for a fool ? Does he think I 'd buy a parcel of trumpery, worn to tatters
four centuries ago ! Old England for ever, I say ; but burn your Old Habits 1 "

being favoured with a member's address, will be happy to
oblige him with the " call " at his own residence.

A SHAKEV PEER.

We understand that poor Brougham accuses Punch of an
attempt to write him down. His fidgetty Lordship must be
in a very nervous state, if he is in constant fear of oui
knocking him down with a feather.