Punch: Punch (22.1852)

164

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

MATRIMONY MADE EASY.

The following letter has been sent to our Office, evidently in
mistake:—

" Matrimonial Office, Union Court, Love Lam.
" (stbictlt private and confidential.)

" Sir,

" Your esteemed favour of the 10th ult. came duly to hand,
and, agreeably to your desire, we have the honour to forward to you our
quarterly sheet of photographic likenesses of our Female Clients. We
were very sorry that the Ladies you fixed upon in our last year's sheets
were all engaged before your duly honoured application arrived at our
Office; but we hope to be more fortunate in our present sheet, which
we flatter ourselves contains some highly eligibles. We should, how-
ever, recommend as early an application as possible, as this being leap-
year, Ladies are looking up, and considerably risen in the Market, and
shares in their affections ana fortunes are now much above par. Should
you not be particular to a shade, we should respectfully beg leave to
recommend No. 7, her father having very large estates near Timbuctoo,
to which she will be sole heiress, in case of her twenty-seven brothers
dying without issue. And should the Great African East and West
Railway be carried forward, the value of the Estates would be prodi-
giously increased. No. 8 is a sweet poetess, whose " Remains " would
probably be a fortune to any Literary Gent, to publish after her

decease. No. 9 has been much approved by Gents., having buried!
eight dear partners, and is an eighth time inconsolable.

" Further particulars may be had on application at our Office.

"We beg also, respectfully, to inform you that your esteemed
portrait was duly received and appeared in our last Gent.'s sheet of
Clients; but we are sorry to say as yet no inquiries respecting it have
come to hand.

" Permit us further to remind you that a year's subscription was duo
on the 1st of January, which, with arrears amounting to £4 4s., we shall
be greatly obliged by your remitting by return of post.

" With most respectful impatience, awaiting a renewal of your ever-
esteemed applications, and assuring you that they shall be duly attended
to with all despatch, secrecy, and punctuality,

" We have the honour to be,
"Esteemed Sir,
" Your most obedient Servants,

" hookham and splicer,

" Sole Matrimonial Agents for Great Britain.

" P. S.—We find our female clients run much on moustaches. Would
you allow us humbly to suggest the addition of them to your portrait
in our next Quarterly Sheet, ? It could be done at a slight expense, and
would probably ensure your being one of our fortunate clients."

MUSIC FOR THE POPE'S BRASS BAND.

Mr. Punch has employed an eminent composer to set the words of
the popular song " There 'sa Good Time Coming, Boys," to a new tune, or
to speak, perhaps, rather more correctly, to an old one. Hope is telling
a tale, which by the kind and wise permission of rival factions, is, if
flattering, not likely to prove illusory to those dear priests, who are so
strenuously endeavouring to decorate the stiff necks of Englishmen
with " the sweet yoke of Home." As the Times, in a recent leader,
says, in reference to the Island of Saints—the land of veracity, tran-
quillity, and tenderness of human life:

" The recent mibfortunes have swept away many of the gentry, who, whatever their
other faults, were yet, by the extensive possessions of which they were the nominal
owners, bulwarks against the influence of the priests. That bulwark is removed, and,
from this and other concurrent causes, we are to expect a fearful increase to the
numbers of the Irish Brigade. In the nicely balanced state of English parties, these
nominees of Doctoes Cullen and Wiseman will possess great power."

Considering this ; considering how beneficially the influence of
Cullen and Wiseman has been working of late in Parliament; how
it has tended to promote union amongst reformers, and to expedite the
business of the country ; what advantages we are likely to derive from
its increase; what wholesome restraints upon the liberty of speaking
and of the Press; what an impetus to moral, intellectual, and physical
research, and to education; what pleasant interferences with our family
arrangements; what an interesting emasculation of our national
character; and what a salutary humiliation of the English name, are

likely to result from the predominance of the papal party in the House
of Commons, and therefore, proportionally, from the augmentation of
the holy Irish Brigade : for these various considerations, affecting the
prosperity and glory of his native land, Mr. Punch has caused the song

There's a Good Time Coming, Boys," to be arranged to the " Gregorian
Chant" to be sung by all Jesuits, Oratorians, Passionists, and in all
and sundry monasteries, nunneries, and convents, whereof the inmates
are yearning for the subjection of this realm of England to the Roman
See ; and also after dinner, in those loyal societies where the Pope's
health is proposed before her Majesty's, in lieu of the heretical anthem
of " God save the Queen."

How easy, to be sure, it would be for the Ministers and the Oppo-
sition to combine against Wiseman and Cullen, and neutralise the
blessing of an additional batch of Irish Members, by passing, imme-
diately, a judicious measure of reform, providing for the corresponding
enlargement of the English and Scotch constituencies ! But that party
jealousies forbid : so, ye monks and friars, and foreigners who desire to
humble proud Albion in the dust, sing away " There's a Good Time
Coming, Boys," through your noses.

ANSWER TO A FAIR CORRESPONDENT.

" Mr. Punch presents his compliments to the young Lady who is
so anxious to know the age of Lord John Manners, and begs to say
he doesn't know; but, inferring from the fact of Lord John wishing
to revive the Mediaeval times, Mr. Punch would think that his Lordship
must be a Middle-aged man."