Punch (27.1854)

rUKCU, OK Tllli LONDON CHARIVARI:

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HOW THE HOLY MEN OF RUSSIA INSPIRE THEIR SOLDIERS.

THE MOTHERLESS CHILD REX OP FASHION.

"VVe should be glad to know wbat has become of all the Mothers in
the Aristocratic circles, for if we are to judge by the paragraphs in the
fashionable papers, a Mother is a relationship that has become ex-
tinct. The article now in fashionable use, as a substitute for the
once favourite character of a Mother, is described as a "maternal
parent," with whom the young Viscount So-and-so is said to be
"staying" when he happens to be at home with his Mamma. These
are really not the days for this kind of stupid affectation, and our dis-
gust at the absurdities of a highly artificial state of society is turned
into a somewhat stronger feeling, when we find the nearest of natural
ties deprived of its natural name in favour of a made-up title, more
adapted to the cold phraseology of fashionable life. If this sort of
thing is to be carried further, it will be necessary to have a fashionable
dictionary for the guidance of those who may wish to render their
relationships into the terms current in "society"—a phraseology which
may fairly be termed the slang of the salons. We give a specimen ot
two or three words, wluch will be sufficient for the guidance of any one
who has the patience to pursue the disagreeable task :—

Mother.—A maternal parent.

Father.—An author ol one's being on the paternal side.
Brother.—A male relative in a similar degree of affinity to the same
parental stock.

Son.—Aii individual of the masculine gender, deriving his being from

a paternal and a maternal parent. -
Grandmother.—The maternal parent of a maternal or a paternal j

parent. j The Foreign Vintage and tha British Cellar.

Grandfather,—The paternal ditto of a ditto or ditto. j ,

The extensive failure of the vintage, owing to the disease of the
grape, will probably not occasion, in this country, an appreciable
scarcity of wine. If every grape in Portugal has perished this seasoD,
there is little fear that England will be supplied the less plentifully on
that account with Port.

ANATOMY OF A RUSSIAN GUY FAVVKES.

Ax Irish surgeon, residing in Manchester has sent us an account of
&post mortem held on the body of Mr. Bright's effigy, which was
burnt there the other day. The appearances observed were the
following:—

The whole exterior exhibited a drab discolouration.

The chest presented an almost total absence of heart; the pericardium
forming a kind of cyst, bag, or purse, resembling an old brown-paper
cap, and exhaling a strong odour of Russian leather, communicated to
it by a quantity of rancid oil, which constituted the liquor pericardii.
The heart, or what remained of it, afforded throughout a specimen of
fatty degeneration, and may be said to have consisted of tallow. The
luugs were consolidated by a morbid deposit of a nature apparently
bituminous, like pitch or tar, and the only air-tnbes perceptible in them
had the appearance of straw.

In the stomach, the liver attracted attention by its remarkable
whiteness, which was owing to its structure having assumed a cottony
character. The convolutions of the viscera also bore a singular resem-
blance to cotton-twist.

The head contained an average proportion of brain, but it had been
all converted into lignine or woody fiore, disposed in bundles like deal
shavings, which smelt powerfully of turpentine.

All these appearances were considered quite sufficient to account for
the inflammation which terminated the patient's career.

To those About to Marry.

There are certain noodles who complain in the papers of being
fobbed by the Secretary to the Matrimonial Alliance Association out of
various sums, from £25 to £90, laid out on the chance of future wives.

Reform in the Army.—It is pleasant to know that, if our soldiers
Such simpletons do really deserve the wedding-ring; and ought to wear | in the Crimea are to have winter clothing of sheep-skin, they are not
it,—but then it should be, in the nose. | to be fleeced by clothing Colonels.