Punch (64.1873)

January 25, 1873.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 41

LEGITIMATE CRITICISM.

Aged Village Matron (to Sympathising Visitor). "It's a 'Cookery Book,' as
Mrs. Penewise, our ' District Lady,' give me this Christmas, Miss. I'd a

deal sooner a' had the ingriddimexts, MlSS ! ! "

PRISTINE PROVERBS PREPARED EOR
PRECOCIOUS PUPILS.

{Dedicated to the Educational Board.)

Observe yon plumed biped fine !

To effect his captivation,
Deposit particles saline

Upon his termination.

Cryptogamous concretion never grows
On mineral fragments that decline repose.

Whilst self-inspection it neglects,

Nor its own foul condition sees,
The kettle to the pot objects

Its sordid superficies.

Decortications of the golden grain

Are set to allure the aged fowl, in vain.

Teach not a parent's mother to extract
The embryo juices of an egg by suction ;

That good old lady can the feat enact
Quite irrespective of your kind instruction.

Pecuniary agencies have force

To stimulate to speed the female horse.

The earliest wirjged songster soonest sees,
And first appropriates, the annelides.

"With soap, and brush, and flannel, you tickle
In vain, the Ethiopic cuticle.

Bear not to yon famed city upon Tyne
The carbonaceous product of the mine.

The mendicant once from bis indigence freed,
And mounted aloft on the generous steed,
Down the precipice soon will infallibly go,
And conclude his career in the regions below.

It is permitted to the feline race
To contemplate even a regal face.

Model Autonomy.— France, it is said, desires a more
stable form of Government. Does she ? Then let her
adopt that of her Jockey Club.

" 'TWAS EDWIN'S SELF THAT PRESSED."

Mr. Edwin James has returned to England, and fearlessly
demands that the Benchers shall re-consider his case, and re-admit
him to the honours of the English Bar. Mr. Punch exclaims, in
the humane language of the law, "Heaven send him a good de-
liverance." But what do the Americans say to his leaving them ?
Tearfully, perhaps, with Beattte :—

" "Would Edwin this majestic scene resign
For aught ' Britannia's ' puuy craft supplies ? "

One thing is quite certain. The learned gentleman appeals to
Judges who are men of the world, and also impartial men ; and if
he can make a tabula rasa, he will not be hindered by any preju-
dice, and—(Beattte again):—

" Edwin will gain, at last, the fruit so rare,
As in some future verse Punch meaneth to declare."

Amiable Idea.

Every right-minded person must share the hope expressed by
the Morning Post in these words:—

" The unmistakable regard shown to the memory of the late Emperor, and
the manifest and very marked tokens of respect and deference paid at the
funeral to the person of the young Emperor, ought not to be without their
effect on France."

Yes. And may that effect be a promotion of good feeling towards
us; an increased sentiment of regard, esteem, and distinguished
consideration. Let us hope that no French journalist will suggest
to his countrymen that the love of Englishmen for Napoleon the
Third was owing to the fact that the third Empire had brought
France to grief.

Hawker's Evening Potion.—Gin-and-Water. His
ditto: Early Purl.

ONLY A SUGGESTION.

It is stated that the Basingstoke Bungs availed themselves of a
recent Ball to revenge themselves on gentlemen who were supposed
to approve the Licensing Act. Having got the carriages and horses,
the publicans are said to have refused to get licence to let them be
brought out after eleven at night, but intimated that the vehicles could
be had at six in the morning. If this is true, the Basingstoke
Bungs are a lot of ill-conditioned fellows. But Punch, who likes
to see everything in the sweetest light, inclines to believe that there
was an understanding between the hotel-keepers and the ladies, and
that the six o'clock in the morning arrangement was highly pleasing
to the latter. "A man's foes are (sometimes) those of his own
household."

Mormonism Made Easy.

One very notable expedient for putting down Polygamy in Utah
was devised by Chief Justice M'Kean. According to a contem-
porary :—

"On the ground that polygamists are adulterers, and therefore guilty of a
deliberate violation of the law, he laid it down that they were disqualified
from sitting on juries."

Could this rule have been maintained it would have been enough
to make every man liable to serve on juries a polygamist. If it
were to be established in this country, the effect of its operation
would, especially in Middlesex, no doubt be an immediate and
extensive creation of British Mormons.

"there let them—lay."

Our excellent young friend, the Echo, quotes a Keltic paper
which, after duly libelling England, says, "The Irish have good
memories." A rude proverb tells us that some of them should have,
at all events.

Vol. 64.

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