Punch (79.1880)

202

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL

[October 30, 1330.

HOW TO RALLY HIM.

If the British. Tax-payer hesi-
tates for a moment to do some-
thing for Greece, why should not
Mr. Ralli ask him further to
reflect,—

That Thessaly and Epirus are
of no less importance to the
Empire than Margate and Rams-
gate.

That Greece still is the cradle
of European figs.

That once upon a time Aris-
tides was a real gentleman.

That England owes Greece a
terrible reparation for the Byron
Memorial.

That King George is a very
sensible young man, indeed.

That just now, too, he has
40,000 troops on his hands, with
which he must do something.

That, under the circumstances,
a general European conflagration
wouldn’t be half bad fun.

And that really, as the British
Government have nothing else
whatever on their hands, they
might, just for once, do the
amiable and cut in.

PUNCH’S FANCY PORTRAITS,-No. 5,

Mesh or Fowl ?

A “Fairly Puzzled Ore”
sends us this rare cutting from
the Advertisement Garden of the
Somerset County Gazette:—

WANTED, a FEMALE PUPIL
' ' TEACHER, in her first year,
or ready to sit in the Spring. "Ad-
dress, &c.

Better apply at Colney-Hatch.

“GOOD SITUATIONS.”

A Correspondent sends us
these advertisements from the
Belfast News Letter and the Bel-
fast Evening Telegraph ,—■

WANTED, a YOUNG MAN,
of middle age, who has served
part time to Grocery Business, in
country preferred.

A Young Man of Middle Age !
Lots of ’em about. Here is a case
where Irish must apply. The
next is decidedly practical:—

WANTED, by a Useful Man, a
Situation in a Store or Ware-
house. Can handle joiner’s tools or
paint-brush, garden, or so-and-so.

Or “ so-and-so.” Now does he
mean that he can “ sow and sow ”
in the garden, or that he can
“sew and sew” in the nursery.
Mr. So-and-So is evidently a very
useful person.

“WHEN ARTHUR FIRST AT COURT BEGAN”—

(Old Nursery Song adapted to a Pinafore Air.)

Mr. Arthur Sullivan, Mus. Doc., is a Master of scoring for an
Orchestra. At Leeds he has just scored a big Success—
for Himself.

Plimsoll’s Voyage.

“ Mr. Plimsoll has sailed for
Madeira in the steam-ship Patago-
nia.”—Times.

We see Mr. Plimsoll has sailed
for Madeira,

Let’s hope to inaugurate there
no new era.

He preached against o’er-laden
ships, but one asks
That he won’t do the same against
filling the casks.

Juvenile Offenders’ Defi-
nition. — “ Crewel Work ” —
Flogging.

“A HUMOEOUS KNIGHT.”

[“It is reported that after the Leeds Festival Dr. Sullivan will be
knighted.” Having read this in a column of gossip, a be-nighted Contri-
butor, who has “the Judge’s Song” on the brain, suggests the following
version, adapted to probabilities.]

As a boy I had such a musical bump,

And its size so struck Mr. Helmore,

That he said, ‘ ‘ Though you siug those songs like a trump,

You shall write some yourself that will sell more.”

So I packed off to Leipsic, without looking back,

And returned in such classical fury,

That 1 sat down with Handel and Haydn and Bach,—

And turned out “ Trial by Jury.”

But W. S. G. he jumped for joy
As he said, “ Though the job dismay you,

Send Exeter Hall to the deuce, my boy;

It’s the haul with me that ’ll pay you.”

And we hauled so well, mid jeers and taunts,

That we’ve settled, spite all temptations,

To stick to our Sisters and our Cousins and our Aunts,—

And continue our pleasant relations.

Yet I know a big Duke, and I’ve written for Leeds,

And I think (I don’t wish to be snarly),

If honour’s poured out on a chap for his deeds,

I’m as good—come, as Monckton or Charley !

So the next “ first night ” at the Opera C.,

Let’s hope, if you ’re able to find him,

You ’ll cry from'the pit, “ There’s W. S. G.

In the stalls,—with a Knight behind him

valuable to artists.

Why is an Illustration at the top of a page better than an Illus-
tration at the bottom ?

Because it’s a Cut above it ?

OUE OWN CITY COMMISSION.

Our Commissioner. You are, I believe, Master of one of the City
Companies ?

Wor shipful Master. I am.

Our Commissioner. Of which Company ?

Worshipful Master. The Worshipful Company of Bellows-
Menders.

Our Commissioner. Are you by profession a Bellows-Mender P

Worshipful blaster. Oh no ; I’m a Drysalter.

Our Commissioner. And what may a Drysalter he ?_

Worshipful Master. I have heard it described as a kind of Comical
Psalm Singer.

Our Commissioner. Do you know anything about bellows-
mending ?

Worshipful blaster. No; except that being very asthmatic, I
should like my bellows mended.

Our Commissioner. No ribaldry, Sir! You ’ll find it no joke
before I have done with you.

Wor shipful Master. So I fear.

Our Commissioner. Are there any other members of your family
Bellows-Menders ?

Worshipful Master. Oh yes; I am the Master, my son is the
Clerk, my nephew is the Solicitor, and my brother the Wine
Warden. I have two aunts in our Almshouses, and three nephews
in our free schools.

Our Commissioner. Dear me, what a monopoly! Is yours a par-
ticular case ?

Worshipful Master. Oh, by no means. For instance, I am1
informed that in the Mercers’ Company one family prevails to such
an extent that the Livery speak of it as “ Watney’s Entire.”

Our Commissioner. Dear me, how strange! But how do the
Livery like this sort of thing ?

Worshipful Master. Well, not much, I should think. But who
cares for the Livery ? They don’t dare say a word ; they know that
if they did, we should never put them on the Court.

Our Commissioner. Have you any system of apprenticeship in
your Company ?

Worshipful Master. Oh yes ; hut, of course, it’s all nonsense.