Punch (7.1844)

14

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI

says I, "to say low soldier. But, ma'am," says I, "you don't know
what it is to be courted by a Life Guardsman."

Oh, these mistresses, Molly ! they think poor servants have no
more flesh and blood than a porridge-skillet. They can have their
comfortable courtings in their parlours and drawing-rooms; and
then, with their very toes at the fire, they can abuse a poor servant
for only whispering a bit of love, all among the snow, perhaps, in the
area. This is the treatment that often makes poor girls desperate,
and drives 'em to marriage long afore their time.

No followers, indeed ! No ; they think that the cat and the kettle,
and the kitchen clock, are company enough for a poor servant.
They never think of us in the long winter nights, when they are
playing at cards, or chatting with folks who've dropt in—they never
think of us, all alone as we are, without a soul to speak to ! No ; we
must have no followers, though, perhaps, the parlour's ringing
again with laughter ; and our only chance of opening our lips is the
chance of being sent out to get oysters for the company.

However, dear Molly, write me all you know about the character
of Mrs. Squaw : if she's sober, and gives civil words and regular
wages to her servants. I don't mind having her for a mistress, until
the sweet day arrives when I become a soldier's wedded lady.
Till then,

Believe me, your friend and old fellow-servant,

Bridget Duster.

THE KING OF SAXONY IN TROUBLE.

We think the readers of Punch will be very sorry when they learn
that the King of Saxony is likely to lose his throne. We have received
the intelligence from what we believe to be a most trustworthy quarter,
and whatever may be the anguish of our feelings, we are nevertheless
bound to make the news public.

It has for some time been known that a Congress is about to be held
somewhere in Germany during the approaching autumn. Many impor-
tant matters will be agitated in the crowned heads there, and when
assembled, Sir James Graham will, we understand, forward a note pro-
posing a uniform government for all post-offices ; so that the correspond-
ence of all civilised mankind may come under the knowledge of their
paternal rulers. It is feared, from what M. Gui-zot said a day or two ago,
that France will stand out; but there is no doubt that Sir James will have
the active advocacy of the ambassadors from Madagascar and Morocco.

However, our more immediate concern is with the King of Saxony.
It is stated that at the Congress His Majesty will be impeached for con-
duct " unworthy of a king, and unbecoming a nobleman." This charge
will be mainly supported by depositions taken in England, corroborative
of the very unkingly behaviour of Saxony during his sojourn with us.
Circumstances permit us to allude to only a part of the testimony that has
been taken in London, and will, at the Congress, be adduced against his
Majesty.

Signor LaBlache lias deposed that his Majesty, although he was once
brought to the Opera, never presented the said Signor with a gold snuff-box,
diamond ring, tooth pick, or indeed with the slightest testimonial of his
homage.

General Tom Thumb has also vehemently deposed that Saxony treated
him with the most marked contempt, never having even so much as
visited him. This conduct the General very justly considers as a most
uncourteous reflection upon other crowned and royal heads, with whom
his Dwarfship has been so worthy a favourite. This complaint of the
General will, it is feared, go far to damage his Majesty among his royal
brethren. We can only hope the best, but the case appears very serious
against him.

Mdlles. Cerito and Carlotta Grisi are both ready to depose on oath
that they have never received so much as a bunch of violets from his
Majesty.

Madame Tussaud has also proved, that although the King of Saxont
visited Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's, he never had the common
civility to drop in at Upper Baker Street: whereas Prince Albert
knows better what is due to the interests of pure art.

It is also affirmed by Baron Nathan that his Majesty has been heard
to speak in contemptuous terms of the Polka.

In addition to these grave charges, there is, we regret to say, strong
proof that his Majesty, during his sojourn in London, was visiting museums,
and libraries, and churches, and behaving, indeed, rather like a low phi-
losopher who travels for vulgar curiosity, than as a monarch who, if he
knows himself, ought to be above such things. It is known that the King
of Saxony is a great botanist, and we regret to say that he shows much
more interest in the culling of chickweed and pimpernel than in the cul-
tivation of laurel. It is believed that many other facts will come out
before the Congress, which it is feared will go far to endanger the throne
of Saxony. I t is believed, in the best circles, that he will be deposed for,
as we have premised, conduct unworthy of a king and a nobleman.

We would advise the Prince of Denmark to take care of himself.
Here has he come from Denmark to Scotland and the Faroe Isles, with
nothing but a geologist's hammer, to chip and chip at rocks and stones.
Rudely shirking the Opera and Almack's, he has, like a boorish Dane,
occupied himself with felspar and quartz.

AN IRREGULAR ECLIPSE OF THE MOON.

It is well known that the King of Saxony paid a visit to Newgate, and
Mr. Moon '•' attended in his place"—as the Parliamentary phrase goes—
to let his Majesty into the secrets of the prison-house. Mr. Sheriff
Musgrove was also present on the occasion, and a consultation took place
between the two Sheriffs as to the proper method of behaving in the pre-
sence of royalty. Moon, who is a tremendous stickler for etiquette,
insisted on walking backwards—a departure, by-the-by, from his usual
custom, which is to push himself forwards in a manner most unscrupulous.
Musgrove, who is a discreet Sheriff, determined that he would not
" back " through the vaulted passages of Newgate for any sovereign
breathing ; and he therefore kept sensibly but respectfully at Saxony's
side, while Moon went through a scene of slavish pantomime, in the
course of which he now and then executed a dos-d-dos w-ith a stone but-
tress, or was brought up suddenly, with an involuntary bow, by a knock
on the back of the head from a bit of coping, or a piece of projecting
cornice. Nevertheless, Moon " bore it with a patient shrug," and an
occasional rub of the hand to
allay the anguish, till he got
into a wide passage, the unob-
structed aspect of which, as

he backed along it, inspired

him with the fullest confidence.

His air became almost jaunty,

and he was executing a sort

of courtly pastorale a few paces

in advance of the King and

Mr. Sheriff Musgrove, when

suddenly the Moon became

nearly eclipsed, nothing being

visible but his face and his

heels, which were in an instant

out of sight, and Musgrove,

springing forward, perceived

his unhappy colleague at the

bottom of a flight of stone

steps, down which he had backed with a sort of frisky recklessness. Had

the King followed his officious cicerone, his Majesty would indeed have

been shown " over " Newgate in a manner that would have been com-
plete, at least, if not satisfactory.

LORD DENMAN IN DANGER.

Lord Denman spoke nobly in the Lords, on the conduct of Sir Jemmy
Twitciier Graham, eloquently denouncing the Post Office Jack Sheppard.
Whereupon Brougham, with "all his modesty upon him, rose and said—
"If anything could make the noble and learned lord more dear to the
people of England or to himself, it was the declaration which he had made."
We earnestly in treat Lord Denman to mind what he is about. It is im-
possible that the people of England can value him more highly than they
do ; but if he make himself "dear" to Lord Brougham, he is lost.

a quadruple alliance.

The Sloth, which has just arrived in this country, is described to have
four stomachs. He has four good reasons to congratulate himself, then,
that the Zoological Gardens is not a Poor Law Union.