DOI issue:
July to December, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16520#0022
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
15
THE LAST STAGE OF TEMPERANCE.
that of the Horse Guards, both of which clocks betray, by their ghastly
appearance at night, the horrible effects of late hours. Their Faces,
immediately after dark, become almost transparent with a sort of lurid
light ; and there is a kind of false brilliancy imparted by the artificial
The Manager of the Victoria Theatre, whose personal sacrifices in the means which are taken to keep their Faces presentable to the public at
cause of morality are of the most unprecedented kind, has produced a all hours of the night. The healthy hue on the Face of St. Paul's, though
new drama, the object of which is to excite the spirit of pure teatotalism somewhat dingy, presents a striking contrast to the consumptive com-
in the breasts of the New Cut-ians, a race long devoted to gin, and those i plexion of St. James's, and some other clocks, whose names I refrain
bitters by which it is too often accompanied. "The Temperance Pledge" from mentioning, lest I bring into their faces a Blush which might prove
is a drama of intense interest, and depicts the moral struggle between j injurious to their reputation. In conclusion, I beg to extend to all my
neat wines on the one hand, and unadulterated Mocha on the other The . fellow clocks the Hand of Friendship,
workings of beer on a guilty conscience are prominently put forward, j
while the four-and-ninepenny mixed is exhibited in the light of a stimulant
to honest exertion, and is strongly recommended to families through the
mouth of the hero of the drama. Allitteration seems to favour the moral
of the piece, for Rum and Ruin, Brandy and Beggary, Wine and Want MORAL SONGS FOR OXFORD,
seem to be naturally connected ; while Happiness and Hyson would sug. , t_,
gest a line in the bill, which ought to terminate a grand tableau of Spirits The sentiments put forth ou a recent occasion) by several of the
Subdued, and Tea Triumphant !
We understand that in order to preserve the strictest propriety in the
getting up of this piece, and that everything may be in perfect keeping,
the actors have all been compelled to take the pledge from week to week
durintr the run, and the manager also pledges himself that the usual cry
of " bottled porter," which is heard between the acts, shall on no account
be permitted. The refreshment-sellers are instructed to offer only "apples,
oranges, tea, coffee, bread and butter, or bill of the play," to the audience,
who are thus compelled to "assume teatotalism, though they have it not,"
during the performance. The author of the piece has been inspired with
the general tone of the subject, for his sentiment is the purest milk and
water. The fact that the actors are most of them pumps, and that the
tea-pot is their favourite attitude, must be regarded as heightening the
effect of the drama.
good-when a little punch is taken.
members of the University, have suggested the probability that a few
Moral Songs might be found very acceptable to the gentlemen of Oxford.
We therefore present the following specimen :—
A bill for a hundred come discount for me,
I'll half of it take in champagne ;
No matter what wine, so some cash there should be,
(Aside)—For you '11 ne'er get your money again.
And oh ! when the date of the bill is gone by,
When lawyers and bailiffs distress hirn,
The promise of payment is then all his eye :
Here's a health to the Doo, God bless him !
The swindlers of old, in their pleadings, we're told,
When at those who had trusted they laugh'd,
Put pleas that were sham, with effrontery bold,
The more costly to render the draft.
My plea's in my pocket —'tis empty, alas !
Of that plea none can e'er dispossess him ;
Upstanding, uncovered, round round let it pass,
Here's a health to the Doo, God bless him !
PUNCH'S ANTi-GRAHAM WAFERS.
_ 'We must, however, cali the manager's attention to the horrible destruc- dfdic\tfd to the home secrf.tahy, and politely presents to him b?
tion ot the illusion, occasioned by the money-taker at the box-door, who thomas slingsby buncombe, esq., m. p.
sits with a glass of brandy-and-water under the till, from which the
immoral liquid is occasionally brought forth, to the utter horror of tl
visitors.
We have published this day, at our Office, price—but we will not
appeal to the sordidness of our readers—a sheet of emblematical
devices, with mottoes, for Sir James Fouche Graham, which, from
TEN MINUTES' ADVICE ON THE FACE AND HANDS. I the peculiar aPProPriateness of their sarcasm, backed by the extra-
„„. ordinary adhesiveness of their gum, are adapted to stick to the Home
B\ the clock of st. clement's. " , °
___ Secretary for hfe.
UESTioMNo my past bitter experience, I am | "wTe have also just dotted off a good stinging envelope, which we
enabled to speak most feelingly of the dis- j m ag & tQ gIR Jam£s FouCHfe Graham's very
advantages arising from a neglect of the
Face and Hands. I publish my observa- j bad nature,
tions for the benefit of the unfortunate Dial
at the Royal Exchange, and the Clock at
Windsor, which seem to have been born
to those very defects which almost banished Device. Motto.
me from the Circle of Clocks, and sent me [ A Bliwderbuss on full Cock . . I hope the contents will reach you
— not before my time, but considerably after ,T . , . .,
it_to the lowest scale of ,W.,dation The A Black lobster......Isot to be red without getting
The follov-inq are some of Out Devices and Mottoes :-
it-to the lowest scale of degradation. The a black lobster...... hot water
Face and Hands are, or ought to be, very
closely connected, and any well-regulated clock need not be ashamed to ! A Manacle........I trust tms w'u come to hand
show his Face if his Hands are in a fit state to meet the eye of the public, j Clpnchkd F[ST . Should this meet your eye.
A sudden jerk of the Hand should always be avoided : it is not grace- 1
ful; and it is almost impossible to avoid going too far. It should always
be the aim of a Clock to keep its Hands on the move, but this should
be done so gently as to be almost imperceptible. Small Hands are
considered a sign of good breeding among human beings ; but among
Clocks it is quite the reverse, for with them the largest Hands are gener-
ally to be remarked in those which occupy the highest position.
Though these observations are principally directed to the Hands and
Faces of Clocks, the Figures ought to be on no account neglected. Every
Clock should learn bow to divide its time, and it will then be sure to find
one pair of Hands quite sufficient to get through all that is expected of it.
The complexion is a matter of some importance in the face of a clock ; and
nothing is more destructive than the affectation of delicacy of colour, which
is to be observed ia the Clock of St. James's, Westminster, as well as in
into
A Bee.........Touch my wax, you '11 feel my sting.
A Soda-water Bottle .... If open'd, a noise will follow.
Crocodile with Mouth open . . You're welcome to the inside.
A Fox..........You '11 be run down, if you break
cover.
theatrical competition.
Levasseur is performing in a piece at Paris in which he sustains ten
different characters,—being one more than Lord Brougham ever sustained
in the same evening !
15
THE LAST STAGE OF TEMPERANCE.
that of the Horse Guards, both of which clocks betray, by their ghastly
appearance at night, the horrible effects of late hours. Their Faces,
immediately after dark, become almost transparent with a sort of lurid
light ; and there is a kind of false brilliancy imparted by the artificial
The Manager of the Victoria Theatre, whose personal sacrifices in the means which are taken to keep their Faces presentable to the public at
cause of morality are of the most unprecedented kind, has produced a all hours of the night. The healthy hue on the Face of St. Paul's, though
new drama, the object of which is to excite the spirit of pure teatotalism somewhat dingy, presents a striking contrast to the consumptive com-
in the breasts of the New Cut-ians, a race long devoted to gin, and those i plexion of St. James's, and some other clocks, whose names I refrain
bitters by which it is too often accompanied. "The Temperance Pledge" from mentioning, lest I bring into their faces a Blush which might prove
is a drama of intense interest, and depicts the moral struggle between j injurious to their reputation. In conclusion, I beg to extend to all my
neat wines on the one hand, and unadulterated Mocha on the other The . fellow clocks the Hand of Friendship,
workings of beer on a guilty conscience are prominently put forward, j
while the four-and-ninepenny mixed is exhibited in the light of a stimulant
to honest exertion, and is strongly recommended to families through the
mouth of the hero of the drama. Allitteration seems to favour the moral
of the piece, for Rum and Ruin, Brandy and Beggary, Wine and Want MORAL SONGS FOR OXFORD,
seem to be naturally connected ; while Happiness and Hyson would sug. , t_,
gest a line in the bill, which ought to terminate a grand tableau of Spirits The sentiments put forth ou a recent occasion) by several of the
Subdued, and Tea Triumphant !
We understand that in order to preserve the strictest propriety in the
getting up of this piece, and that everything may be in perfect keeping,
the actors have all been compelled to take the pledge from week to week
durintr the run, and the manager also pledges himself that the usual cry
of " bottled porter," which is heard between the acts, shall on no account
be permitted. The refreshment-sellers are instructed to offer only "apples,
oranges, tea, coffee, bread and butter, or bill of the play," to the audience,
who are thus compelled to "assume teatotalism, though they have it not,"
during the performance. The author of the piece has been inspired with
the general tone of the subject, for his sentiment is the purest milk and
water. The fact that the actors are most of them pumps, and that the
tea-pot is their favourite attitude, must be regarded as heightening the
effect of the drama.
good-when a little punch is taken.
members of the University, have suggested the probability that a few
Moral Songs might be found very acceptable to the gentlemen of Oxford.
We therefore present the following specimen :—
A bill for a hundred come discount for me,
I'll half of it take in champagne ;
No matter what wine, so some cash there should be,
(Aside)—For you '11 ne'er get your money again.
And oh ! when the date of the bill is gone by,
When lawyers and bailiffs distress hirn,
The promise of payment is then all his eye :
Here's a health to the Doo, God bless him !
The swindlers of old, in their pleadings, we're told,
When at those who had trusted they laugh'd,
Put pleas that were sham, with effrontery bold,
The more costly to render the draft.
My plea's in my pocket —'tis empty, alas !
Of that plea none can e'er dispossess him ;
Upstanding, uncovered, round round let it pass,
Here's a health to the Doo, God bless him !
PUNCH'S ANTi-GRAHAM WAFERS.
_ 'We must, however, cali the manager's attention to the horrible destruc- dfdic\tfd to the home secrf.tahy, and politely presents to him b?
tion ot the illusion, occasioned by the money-taker at the box-door, who thomas slingsby buncombe, esq., m. p.
sits with a glass of brandy-and-water under the till, from which the
immoral liquid is occasionally brought forth, to the utter horror of tl
visitors.
We have published this day, at our Office, price—but we will not
appeal to the sordidness of our readers—a sheet of emblematical
devices, with mottoes, for Sir James Fouche Graham, which, from
TEN MINUTES' ADVICE ON THE FACE AND HANDS. I the peculiar aPProPriateness of their sarcasm, backed by the extra-
„„. ordinary adhesiveness of their gum, are adapted to stick to the Home
B\ the clock of st. clement's. " , °
___ Secretary for hfe.
UESTioMNo my past bitter experience, I am | "wTe have also just dotted off a good stinging envelope, which we
enabled to speak most feelingly of the dis- j m ag & tQ gIR Jam£s FouCHfe Graham's very
advantages arising from a neglect of the
Face and Hands. I publish my observa- j bad nature,
tions for the benefit of the unfortunate Dial
at the Royal Exchange, and the Clock at
Windsor, which seem to have been born
to those very defects which almost banished Device. Motto.
me from the Circle of Clocks, and sent me [ A Bliwderbuss on full Cock . . I hope the contents will reach you
— not before my time, but considerably after ,T . , . .,
it_to the lowest scale of ,W.,dation The A Black lobster......Isot to be red without getting
The follov-inq are some of Out Devices and Mottoes :-
it-to the lowest scale of degradation. The a black lobster...... hot water
Face and Hands are, or ought to be, very
closely connected, and any well-regulated clock need not be ashamed to ! A Manacle........I trust tms w'u come to hand
show his Face if his Hands are in a fit state to meet the eye of the public, j Clpnchkd F[ST . Should this meet your eye.
A sudden jerk of the Hand should always be avoided : it is not grace- 1
ful; and it is almost impossible to avoid going too far. It should always
be the aim of a Clock to keep its Hands on the move, but this should
be done so gently as to be almost imperceptible. Small Hands are
considered a sign of good breeding among human beings ; but among
Clocks it is quite the reverse, for with them the largest Hands are gener-
ally to be remarked in those which occupy the highest position.
Though these observations are principally directed to the Hands and
Faces of Clocks, the Figures ought to be on no account neglected. Every
Clock should learn bow to divide its time, and it will then be sure to find
one pair of Hands quite sufficient to get through all that is expected of it.
The complexion is a matter of some importance in the face of a clock ; and
nothing is more destructive than the affectation of delicacy of colour, which
is to be observed ia the Clock of St. James's, Westminster, as well as in
into
A Bee.........Touch my wax, you '11 feel my sting.
A Soda-water Bottle .... If open'd, a noise will follow.
Crocodile with Mouth open . . You're welcome to the inside.
A Fox..........You '11 be run down, if you break
cover.
theatrical competition.
Levasseur is performing in a piece at Paris in which he sustains ten
different characters,—being one more than Lord Brougham ever sustained
in the same evening !