DOI issue:
July to December, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16520#0069
62
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
LORD LONDONDERRY'S SECOND UKASE.
fried sole and whiting—whiting and fried sole ? Having eaten them
for long years and years until my soul is weary of them. " You great
ass" I felt inclined to exclaim, "I can get whiting and sole in Lon-
don, give me something new !" * * *
Ah for that something new ! I have seen the dry toast come up for
my breakfast so many, many times—the same old tough stiff leathery
tasteless choky dry toast, that I can bear it no longer. The other
morning ( I had been rather feverish all night) it came up and I de-
clare I burst into tears, "Why do you haunt me," I said, "you demd
old toast ? What have I done that there is no other companion for me
but you ? I hate and spurn you—and yet up you come. Day by day,
heartless brute, I leave you in the rack, and yet it's not you that
suffers torture :" and I made a passionate speech to that toast full of
eloquence, and howled and flung the plateful at the door—just as
Mary came in.
She is the maid. She could nor understand my feelings. She is
contented with toast for breakfast, with bread I believe, poor wretch !
So are cows contented with grass. Horses with corn. The fine! The order of the Golden Fleece owes its origin to a Spanish king ;
spirit pants for novelty—and mine is sick of old toast. | we think we may very soon expect that Isabella of Spain will
"Gents" are spoken of familiarly even at this hotel. During | establish the order of the Wooden Spoon. We found this belief on
dinner a messenger comes to ask if a young " gent " was dining in j the following recent incident :-
the coffee-room ?
Londonderry has issued another tremendous ukase, warning ali
the shopkeepers of Seaham against giving credit to his rebellious
pitmen. We have not room for the document which appeared in
the Chronicle, but its literature, without any signature, showeth its
origin. The egg declares the bird. If the inhabitants of Seaham
continue to trust the pitmen, Lord Londonderry threatens that
he will immediately go down, and, carrying away the ocean from the
place, in some bucket made for the occasion ; ruin the town for ever.
ROYAL SPOONS!
The Queen of Spain, with her pretty sister and gracious mother,
has visited Barcelona ; and with a fit of condescension that does
sometimes attack royalty, personally inspected all the barracks. The
soldiers were about to have their supper—a mess of rancko—served
to them, when, says the Times correspondent—
" No," says the waiter.
" How is that," thinks I, " am I not a young gent myself?" He
continues, " There's two holdish ladies and a very young gent in
No. 24 ; but there's only a middle-haged gent in the Coffee-room."
Has it come to this, then ? Thirty something last birthday, and
to be called a middle-aged gent ? Away! Away! I can bear this
ribaldry no more. Perhaps the sea may console me.
And how? it's only a dim straight line of horizon, with no
gaiety or variety in it. A few wretched little vessels are twiddling I The Queen Mother next tasted the rancho, and declared " it was
up and down. A steam-tug or two—yachts more or less—the town I exquisite.' Then the Infante tasted, and in the ingenuousness of
is hideous, except for a neat row of houses or two—the cliffs only yollth raade wl7 mouths at the mess, declaring she should be sorry to
"At her Majesty's request the corporal, charged with the inspection of the cooking,
presented to her Majesty, in a wooden spoon, a portion of the rancko, which she touched
with her royal lips, and pronounced to be excellent, as a matter of course."
respectable. The castle looks tolerable. But who, I should like to
have nothing else for dinner. How strange! The daughter of
know, would be such a fool as to climb up to it ! Hark ! There is a \ Christina, yet doubtless the child spoke the truth,
band playing—it is. a long mile on, and yet I go to listen to it. Now, the three spoons provided for the three pair of royal lips
It is a band of wind-instruments of course, a military band, and j were, we are told, shaped like the soldiers' spoons, but were of finer
the wretches listening in their stupid good-humour are giving the
players—beer. I knew what would happen immediately upon the
beer, (I'm forbidden it myself). They played so infernally out of
tune that they blasted me off the
ground — away from the Dover
Bucks, and the poor girls in their
cheap finery, and the grinning
yokels, and the maniacs riding '^^fsILM^\ The spoons, being laurel-wood of course, have perhaps by this time
velocipedes. '•W^'^iPy sprouted anew, and may be seen in full leaf iu the caps of their
This is what I saw most worthy I'^^&L ^ v~~_! happy successors !
of remark all day. This person f^pfe~.k. Burke talked of « the chief defence of nations," meaning thereby
was standing on the beach, and her .t* Ifts^Vv JS\ I . - ,. . . , , , . e' , . _ ,
. na , , . ■• . , __^g8*'r W m \\ i the types of chivalry, as titles, stars and garters, &c.; but surely even
garments flapped round about her ^-^^SgSw,, \ , 1 \ : r> j \ i i \ ■ i e i * „ JL«j„„
P , Fi „. , , c5^3iB4 \// Burke never dreamt ot such cheat) material ot defence as wooden
in the breeze. bhe stood and _HS^>-^3s<s»5^ve£v >v 1" TT , . , - .« - ; . * „ „ tr „f . „,.„
, , , , , , , , , t£^V-^£^'/W/*^?y spoons. Happy soldiers ! taking their rancho out of spoons that have
looked and looked until somebody i^^I^JS^ ,ffW//>^\ \\ / i_ j i t tj e 7 * i______. ,i „, „„„j :„ „
'11 touched royal lips. How fortunate, by the way, that wood is a
came — to her call apparently.
Somebody, a male of her species,
dressed in corduroys and a frock.
Then they paired off quite happy.
That thing had a lover !
Good night, I can say no more.
A monster has just told me that a
vessel starts at 7 for Ostend : I
will take it. I would take one for
oricho if it started at 6.
material, and had the royal arms engraved thereon.
Now comes the reward of merit !
" After the ceremony of tasting was over, the spoons w ere presented to three of the
oldest and best-conductid soldiers, as a present from her Majesty, and a suitable speech
was made them by the Baron de Mekk, congratulating them on having in their posses-
sion those useful articles which had the higli honour of having touched the lips of the
Queen <>f Spain, her mother, and sister."
Better Late than Never.
The Lord Mayor is now visiting all the floating piers. An overloaded
steamer has only to be sunk, and some fifty souls or so drowned, and then
what a magnificent edict will emanate from the Mansion-House, checking
u r , . , ., . -iie ii. ■ t ! of a Wooden Spoon I
the number ot passengers that now—at the " sweet will ot the proprietors r
—crowd their boats. Death makes sudden reformers !
non-conductor.
However, the Queen, in a fine utilitarian spirit, presented the sol-
diers with really " useful articles." Had it been Louis Philippe,
he would have given worthless crosses, of no utility whatever.
Hence, we would have the Order of the AVooden Spoon, as one beau-
tifully combining usefulness with distinction. When we see stars
and crosses, and Orders of the Swan, the Eagle, the Elephant, and
of fifty other honest animals, whose names have—as we have often
thought—been equivocally dealt with,—we are sometimes inclined to
ask—what is the good of them ? Now, of the Order of the Wooden
Spoon, we could put no such question. Besides, there are so many
men, with such very little right to the Orders they wear, and yet who
seem expressly made for the Order of the Spoon, as, indeed, the
Order of the Spoon should be instituted solely for them.
And then, in the case of lowly merit, could there be a more signi-
ficant gift from the great—born with Silver Ladles—than the present
NATURAL CONFUSION.
There is no truth whatever in the report that Mr. Grant is exhibiting
at the Adelaide Gallery. This error must have arisen from the cir-
cumstance of the "Automaton Writer " being advertised there.
j^rJmBlostraT JhitelTtfrence.
During a recent thunder-storm it was observed by the passenger of
Wimbushs omnibus that the lightning was scarcely visible in consequence
of the conductor having stepped inside ; and at a dinner-party on the same
day, three of the guests were laid prostrate by a sort of fluid—not the
electric fluid—with which they had very highly charged their glasses.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
LORD LONDONDERRY'S SECOND UKASE.
fried sole and whiting—whiting and fried sole ? Having eaten them
for long years and years until my soul is weary of them. " You great
ass" I felt inclined to exclaim, "I can get whiting and sole in Lon-
don, give me something new !" * * *
Ah for that something new ! I have seen the dry toast come up for
my breakfast so many, many times—the same old tough stiff leathery
tasteless choky dry toast, that I can bear it no longer. The other
morning ( I had been rather feverish all night) it came up and I de-
clare I burst into tears, "Why do you haunt me," I said, "you demd
old toast ? What have I done that there is no other companion for me
but you ? I hate and spurn you—and yet up you come. Day by day,
heartless brute, I leave you in the rack, and yet it's not you that
suffers torture :" and I made a passionate speech to that toast full of
eloquence, and howled and flung the plateful at the door—just as
Mary came in.
She is the maid. She could nor understand my feelings. She is
contented with toast for breakfast, with bread I believe, poor wretch !
So are cows contented with grass. Horses with corn. The fine! The order of the Golden Fleece owes its origin to a Spanish king ;
spirit pants for novelty—and mine is sick of old toast. | we think we may very soon expect that Isabella of Spain will
"Gents" are spoken of familiarly even at this hotel. During | establish the order of the Wooden Spoon. We found this belief on
dinner a messenger comes to ask if a young " gent " was dining in j the following recent incident :-
the coffee-room ?
Londonderry has issued another tremendous ukase, warning ali
the shopkeepers of Seaham against giving credit to his rebellious
pitmen. We have not room for the document which appeared in
the Chronicle, but its literature, without any signature, showeth its
origin. The egg declares the bird. If the inhabitants of Seaham
continue to trust the pitmen, Lord Londonderry threatens that
he will immediately go down, and, carrying away the ocean from the
place, in some bucket made for the occasion ; ruin the town for ever.
ROYAL SPOONS!
The Queen of Spain, with her pretty sister and gracious mother,
has visited Barcelona ; and with a fit of condescension that does
sometimes attack royalty, personally inspected all the barracks. The
soldiers were about to have their supper—a mess of rancko—served
to them, when, says the Times correspondent—
" No," says the waiter.
" How is that," thinks I, " am I not a young gent myself?" He
continues, " There's two holdish ladies and a very young gent in
No. 24 ; but there's only a middle-haged gent in the Coffee-room."
Has it come to this, then ? Thirty something last birthday, and
to be called a middle-aged gent ? Away! Away! I can bear this
ribaldry no more. Perhaps the sea may console me.
And how? it's only a dim straight line of horizon, with no
gaiety or variety in it. A few wretched little vessels are twiddling I The Queen Mother next tasted the rancho, and declared " it was
up and down. A steam-tug or two—yachts more or less—the town I exquisite.' Then the Infante tasted, and in the ingenuousness of
is hideous, except for a neat row of houses or two—the cliffs only yollth raade wl7 mouths at the mess, declaring she should be sorry to
"At her Majesty's request the corporal, charged with the inspection of the cooking,
presented to her Majesty, in a wooden spoon, a portion of the rancko, which she touched
with her royal lips, and pronounced to be excellent, as a matter of course."
respectable. The castle looks tolerable. But who, I should like to
have nothing else for dinner. How strange! The daughter of
know, would be such a fool as to climb up to it ! Hark ! There is a \ Christina, yet doubtless the child spoke the truth,
band playing—it is. a long mile on, and yet I go to listen to it. Now, the three spoons provided for the three pair of royal lips
It is a band of wind-instruments of course, a military band, and j were, we are told, shaped like the soldiers' spoons, but were of finer
the wretches listening in their stupid good-humour are giving the
players—beer. I knew what would happen immediately upon the
beer, (I'm forbidden it myself). They played so infernally out of
tune that they blasted me off the
ground — away from the Dover
Bucks, and the poor girls in their
cheap finery, and the grinning
yokels, and the maniacs riding '^^fsILM^\ The spoons, being laurel-wood of course, have perhaps by this time
velocipedes. '•W^'^iPy sprouted anew, and may be seen in full leaf iu the caps of their
This is what I saw most worthy I'^^&L ^ v~~_! happy successors !
of remark all day. This person f^pfe~.k. Burke talked of « the chief defence of nations," meaning thereby
was standing on the beach, and her .t* Ifts^Vv JS\ I . - ,. . . , , , . e' , . _ ,
. na , , . ■• . , __^g8*'r W m \\ i the types of chivalry, as titles, stars and garters, &c.; but surely even
garments flapped round about her ^-^^SgSw,, \ , 1 \ : r> j \ i i \ ■ i e i * „ JL«j„„
P , Fi „. , , c5^3iB4 \// Burke never dreamt ot such cheat) material ot defence as wooden
in the breeze. bhe stood and _HS^>-^3s<s»5^ve£v >v 1" TT , . , - .« - ; . * „ „ tr „f . „,.„
, , , , , , , , , t£^V-^£^'/W/*^?y spoons. Happy soldiers ! taking their rancho out of spoons that have
looked and looked until somebody i^^I^JS^ ,ffW//>^\ \\ / i_ j i t tj e 7 * i______. ,i „, „„„j :„ „
'11 touched royal lips. How fortunate, by the way, that wood is a
came — to her call apparently.
Somebody, a male of her species,
dressed in corduroys and a frock.
Then they paired off quite happy.
That thing had a lover !
Good night, I can say no more.
A monster has just told me that a
vessel starts at 7 for Ostend : I
will take it. I would take one for
oricho if it started at 6.
material, and had the royal arms engraved thereon.
Now comes the reward of merit !
" After the ceremony of tasting was over, the spoons w ere presented to three of the
oldest and best-conductid soldiers, as a present from her Majesty, and a suitable speech
was made them by the Baron de Mekk, congratulating them on having in their posses-
sion those useful articles which had the higli honour of having touched the lips of the
Queen <>f Spain, her mother, and sister."
Better Late than Never.
The Lord Mayor is now visiting all the floating piers. An overloaded
steamer has only to be sunk, and some fifty souls or so drowned, and then
what a magnificent edict will emanate from the Mansion-House, checking
u r , . , ., . -iie ii. ■ t ! of a Wooden Spoon I
the number ot passengers that now—at the " sweet will ot the proprietors r
—crowd their boats. Death makes sudden reformers !
non-conductor.
However, the Queen, in a fine utilitarian spirit, presented the sol-
diers with really " useful articles." Had it been Louis Philippe,
he would have given worthless crosses, of no utility whatever.
Hence, we would have the Order of the AVooden Spoon, as one beau-
tifully combining usefulness with distinction. When we see stars
and crosses, and Orders of the Swan, the Eagle, the Elephant, and
of fifty other honest animals, whose names have—as we have often
thought—been equivocally dealt with,—we are sometimes inclined to
ask—what is the good of them ? Now, of the Order of the Wooden
Spoon, we could put no such question. Besides, there are so many
men, with such very little right to the Orders they wear, and yet who
seem expressly made for the Order of the Spoon, as, indeed, the
Order of the Spoon should be instituted solely for them.
And then, in the case of lowly merit, could there be a more signi-
ficant gift from the great—born with Silver Ladles—than the present
NATURAL CONFUSION.
There is no truth whatever in the report that Mr. Grant is exhibiting
at the Adelaide Gallery. This error must have arisen from the cir-
cumstance of the "Automaton Writer " being advertised there.
j^rJmBlostraT JhitelTtfrence.
During a recent thunder-storm it was observed by the passenger of
Wimbushs omnibus that the lightning was scarcely visible in consequence
of the conductor having stepped inside ; and at a dinner-party on the same
day, three of the guests were laid prostrate by a sort of fluid—not the
electric fluid—with which they had very highly charged their glasses.