DOI issue:
July to December, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16520#0096
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
89
foolish it was of you thirty years ago to quarrel with the dear doctor,
and only—as I've heard—for treading on the toes of a nasty little
THE « BRUMMAGEM" CONSTITUENT TO HIS IDOL.
Why wert thou not an M.P. sooner ?
My Spooner !
Yet on finance thou 'It rave still.
And perhaps the nation save still,
My Spooner !
At least thou thinkest so, and sooner,
My Spooner !
Than not thy whimsies loud state,
Thou would'st tempt Chatham's proud fate.
My Spooner !
But oh ! Beware of Pekl, and sooner,
My Spooner !
A bright particular star be.
Than captive to his car be.
My Spooner !
Free, independent ! mayst thou sooner,
My Spooner !
Be of reporters jest, or
Be styled a regular pest, or
Hear the " House " lulfd to rest, snore
Whilst speaking thou art cliest-sore,
My Spooner !
FIGHTING MISSIONARIES.
It is a pity that Exeter Hall should ever be confounded with
Woolwich Arsenal. A pity is it, that a fabric expressly built and
dedicated to thegatherings of Christian Charity—where she pleases to
call her working children, the bright ones of the earth, together—
should be made to "smell woundily of gunpowder." But so, within these
few days, it has been. A meeting of the London Missionary Society
has been held at the Hall, for the purpose of considering the naughty
doings of the French blusterers at Tahiti ; and the means proposed
to meet the wrong committed, was, to do further wrong. The best
remedy for the wound was a gunpowder plaster ! One reverend
gentleman proved that he had been misplaced by fate : certes, he
should have been a post-captain, and not a meek, black-coated
preacher of the Christian Mission,—for, with a quickness, worthy of
Sir Charles Napier, he enumerated the English naval force off'
Tahiti, indignantly compared it with the force of France on the same j
station, made a bold joke about Jack Ketch, and finally implied the '
necessity of sending Mr. Pritchard back to his consulate, with all |
the hubbub and glory of shot and gunpowder. For our own part,
we think the lips of Christian charity all-sufficient to settle the
difference ; and should be very loth to call in the teeth of a man-of-
war. If, however, the London Mission think otherwise, we would
earnestly counsel them to address themselves to Captain Warner,
w hose secret is still in the market ; and who, doubtless, if only to
spite Peel and the other unbelievers, would be very happy to treat
with the peace-loving men of Exeter Hall for a reasonable remune-
ration. Thus, with the London Mission possessed of Warner's
ret, they might disseminate practical benevolence by means of
the long range, and insinuate true Christianity among the heathen
b> the invisible shell.
REPORT OF THE SELECT COMMITTEE ON
PARLIAMENTARY PETITIONS.
The Committee appointed to inquire what becomes of the petitions pre-
sented to Parliament in each session, have found their task by no means
an easy one. The first step taken by the Committee was, to distinguish
between those petitions which lead to any result, and those which do not,
the Committee intending to report upon each of these two sorts. The ex-
treme insignificance of the number of those belonging to the former class,
soon induced the Committee to discard them from the present inquiry, and
to confine their researches to the class of petitions which lead to no result
whatever ; and which, therefore, suggest an interesting field of research as
to what becomes of them. It seems, that the great majority of petitions
are ordered to " lie on the table ;" and the Committee, therefore, deter-
mined on examining the table itself, without disturbing the position of any
of the petitions that had been ordered to lie upon it. The Committee were
greatly surprised to find that the table was entirely destitute of any papers,
though itself consisting of three blauk leaves, which, on inspection, were
found to contain some writing ; but, on further examination, the writing
proved to be the names of some of the clerks, who had amused themselves
by scribbling and drawing on the table while officially occupied in sitting
at it.
The Committee ascertained that, when a petition is ordered to lie on, it
is usually thrown under, the table; and here the Committee found so much
obscurity, that they were nearly abandoning the inquiry, when Mr. Darke,
the very intelligent dustman, volunteered to throw further light on the in-
teresting inquiry. The Committee had Mr. Darke under examination for
several hours, and ascertained from his luminous evidence, that, having
contracted with the parish of St. Margaret's, Westminster, to carry away
the dust and rubbish, he is compelled to include the House of Commons,
which makes more rubbish and kicks up more dust than all the rest of the
parish put together. The Committee ascertained from Mr. Darke, that
he was obliged to carry away thousands of petitions annually, and found a
great deal of difficulty in getting rid of them ; because there are now very
lew places in which dry rubbish may be shot, and the rubbish of the House
of Commons was much drier than almost any other rubbish he had met
with in the course of his long experience.
Mr. Darke was examined as to his having ever carted away any rub-
bish of a heavier description ; and he replied he thought he might have
done so, when he took the contract for St. George's, Hanover Square,
because he had carted away a good deal of rubbish from Mr. Bentlet,
the publisher of novels, in Burlington Street. Still, he preferred the
literary rubbish to the parliamentary rubbish, because the book stalls
furnished a market for the former, while the latter " liad no chanceexeept
with the cheesemongers."
The Committee having gained a clue from this last expression, at once
turned their researches into a cheesy channel, and a clue being afforded
as to what became of the Parliamentary petitions, the Committee saw a
wide expanse opening before them in the butter-shops. Many intelligent
witnesses were examined, and some curious facts were ascertained, as to
the custom of adapting the petition to the cheese—an art which requires
considerable nicety and knowledge of character. Mr. Carberry, of
Bond Street, was fur several hours before the Committee, and it was
ascertained from him that he had at the outset of his career lost many
customers to whom he had been in the habit of sending cheeses. At first
he thought the cheese must be bad, but on inquiry he found it was the
envelope that had given offence, for he had sent home a ripe Stiltou to the
Premier of the day in a petition to the House of Commons to address the
King, entreating his Majesty to remove his Ministers. After this Mb.
Carberry carried his observations much further—and the result was
his adoption of a system for working his waste paper, to which he attri-
butes much of his success in business. He bought all the Parliamentary
petitions he could, and employed a clerk to class them into three heads—
Conservative, Whig, and Radical. The Conservative petitions he used
for sending home Parmesan, Gruyere, and Stilton ; the Whig petitions
were used for the Cheshire class of cheeses ; while the Radical petitions
were devoted to the cheaper sorts, including black-puddings, and single
rashers of bacon. By this method, each class of customers consumed
their own petitions, and the prejudices of none were hurt through the
medium of his cheese, which had been, unhappily, the case in former
instances.
Mayoral Festivities.
It is reported that the Officers and members of the Honourable Artil-
lery Company have it in contemplation to present their Treasurer, the
Right Hon. William Magnay, Lord Mayor, with a piece of Plate, as an
acknowledgment of the hospitality and attention the corps have received
from his Lordship during the year of his Mayoralty.
The design is novel and severely simple, yet strictly emblematical of
the purpose which it is intended to commemorate : it is, a footless cup
without a bowl. The inscription is still an open question, but will, most
probably, have reference to his Lordship's well-known crest, viz., a
dote fist.
89
foolish it was of you thirty years ago to quarrel with the dear doctor,
and only—as I've heard—for treading on the toes of a nasty little
THE « BRUMMAGEM" CONSTITUENT TO HIS IDOL.
Why wert thou not an M.P. sooner ?
My Spooner !
Yet on finance thou 'It rave still.
And perhaps the nation save still,
My Spooner !
At least thou thinkest so, and sooner,
My Spooner !
Than not thy whimsies loud state,
Thou would'st tempt Chatham's proud fate.
My Spooner !
But oh ! Beware of Pekl, and sooner,
My Spooner !
A bright particular star be.
Than captive to his car be.
My Spooner !
Free, independent ! mayst thou sooner,
My Spooner !
Be of reporters jest, or
Be styled a regular pest, or
Hear the " House " lulfd to rest, snore
Whilst speaking thou art cliest-sore,
My Spooner !
FIGHTING MISSIONARIES.
It is a pity that Exeter Hall should ever be confounded with
Woolwich Arsenal. A pity is it, that a fabric expressly built and
dedicated to thegatherings of Christian Charity—where she pleases to
call her working children, the bright ones of the earth, together—
should be made to "smell woundily of gunpowder." But so, within these
few days, it has been. A meeting of the London Missionary Society
has been held at the Hall, for the purpose of considering the naughty
doings of the French blusterers at Tahiti ; and the means proposed
to meet the wrong committed, was, to do further wrong. The best
remedy for the wound was a gunpowder plaster ! One reverend
gentleman proved that he had been misplaced by fate : certes, he
should have been a post-captain, and not a meek, black-coated
preacher of the Christian Mission,—for, with a quickness, worthy of
Sir Charles Napier, he enumerated the English naval force off'
Tahiti, indignantly compared it with the force of France on the same j
station, made a bold joke about Jack Ketch, and finally implied the '
necessity of sending Mr. Pritchard back to his consulate, with all |
the hubbub and glory of shot and gunpowder. For our own part,
we think the lips of Christian charity all-sufficient to settle the
difference ; and should be very loth to call in the teeth of a man-of-
war. If, however, the London Mission think otherwise, we would
earnestly counsel them to address themselves to Captain Warner,
w hose secret is still in the market ; and who, doubtless, if only to
spite Peel and the other unbelievers, would be very happy to treat
with the peace-loving men of Exeter Hall for a reasonable remune-
ration. Thus, with the London Mission possessed of Warner's
ret, they might disseminate practical benevolence by means of
the long range, and insinuate true Christianity among the heathen
b> the invisible shell.
REPORT OF THE SELECT COMMITTEE ON
PARLIAMENTARY PETITIONS.
The Committee appointed to inquire what becomes of the petitions pre-
sented to Parliament in each session, have found their task by no means
an easy one. The first step taken by the Committee was, to distinguish
between those petitions which lead to any result, and those which do not,
the Committee intending to report upon each of these two sorts. The ex-
treme insignificance of the number of those belonging to the former class,
soon induced the Committee to discard them from the present inquiry, and
to confine their researches to the class of petitions which lead to no result
whatever ; and which, therefore, suggest an interesting field of research as
to what becomes of them. It seems, that the great majority of petitions
are ordered to " lie on the table ;" and the Committee, therefore, deter-
mined on examining the table itself, without disturbing the position of any
of the petitions that had been ordered to lie upon it. The Committee were
greatly surprised to find that the table was entirely destitute of any papers,
though itself consisting of three blauk leaves, which, on inspection, were
found to contain some writing ; but, on further examination, the writing
proved to be the names of some of the clerks, who had amused themselves
by scribbling and drawing on the table while officially occupied in sitting
at it.
The Committee ascertained that, when a petition is ordered to lie on, it
is usually thrown under, the table; and here the Committee found so much
obscurity, that they were nearly abandoning the inquiry, when Mr. Darke,
the very intelligent dustman, volunteered to throw further light on the in-
teresting inquiry. The Committee had Mr. Darke under examination for
several hours, and ascertained from his luminous evidence, that, having
contracted with the parish of St. Margaret's, Westminster, to carry away
the dust and rubbish, he is compelled to include the House of Commons,
which makes more rubbish and kicks up more dust than all the rest of the
parish put together. The Committee ascertained from Mr. Darke, that
he was obliged to carry away thousands of petitions annually, and found a
great deal of difficulty in getting rid of them ; because there are now very
lew places in which dry rubbish may be shot, and the rubbish of the House
of Commons was much drier than almost any other rubbish he had met
with in the course of his long experience.
Mr. Darke was examined as to his having ever carted away any rub-
bish of a heavier description ; and he replied he thought he might have
done so, when he took the contract for St. George's, Hanover Square,
because he had carted away a good deal of rubbish from Mr. Bentlet,
the publisher of novels, in Burlington Street. Still, he preferred the
literary rubbish to the parliamentary rubbish, because the book stalls
furnished a market for the former, while the latter " liad no chanceexeept
with the cheesemongers."
The Committee having gained a clue from this last expression, at once
turned their researches into a cheesy channel, and a clue being afforded
as to what became of the Parliamentary petitions, the Committee saw a
wide expanse opening before them in the butter-shops. Many intelligent
witnesses were examined, and some curious facts were ascertained, as to
the custom of adapting the petition to the cheese—an art which requires
considerable nicety and knowledge of character. Mr. Carberry, of
Bond Street, was fur several hours before the Committee, and it was
ascertained from him that he had at the outset of his career lost many
customers to whom he had been in the habit of sending cheeses. At first
he thought the cheese must be bad, but on inquiry he found it was the
envelope that had given offence, for he had sent home a ripe Stiltou to the
Premier of the day in a petition to the House of Commons to address the
King, entreating his Majesty to remove his Ministers. After this Mb.
Carberry carried his observations much further—and the result was
his adoption of a system for working his waste paper, to which he attri-
butes much of his success in business. He bought all the Parliamentary
petitions he could, and employed a clerk to class them into three heads—
Conservative, Whig, and Radical. The Conservative petitions he used
for sending home Parmesan, Gruyere, and Stilton ; the Whig petitions
were used for the Cheshire class of cheeses ; while the Radical petitions
were devoted to the cheaper sorts, including black-puddings, and single
rashers of bacon. By this method, each class of customers consumed
their own petitions, and the prejudices of none were hurt through the
medium of his cheese, which had been, unhappily, the case in former
instances.
Mayoral Festivities.
It is reported that the Officers and members of the Honourable Artil-
lery Company have it in contemplation to present their Treasurer, the
Right Hon. William Magnay, Lord Mayor, with a piece of Plate, as an
acknowledgment of the hospitality and attention the corps have received
from his Lordship during the year of his Mayoralty.
The design is novel and severely simple, yet strictly emblematical of
the purpose which it is intended to commemorate : it is, a footless cup
without a bowl. The inscription is still an open question, but will, most
probably, have reference to his Lordship's well-known crest, viz., a
dote fist.