DOI issue:
July to December, 1844
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16520#0097
90 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
TO THE NAPOLEON OF PEACE.
Punch Office, Wednesday, August 14, 1844.
vceful Sir,
—not only No. 2, but the whole street, will be indict-
ing you for a nuisance, and we shall have the fire-
offices of all Europe on the look-out.
In other words, if you send crack-brained officers
to bully our consuls—if you patronise harum-scarum
Pritchard has been cast out of young admirals who write schemes for the destruction
Otaheite, and Punch has been banished from
France.
Is your Majesty aware what a hornet's
nest you are bringing about your ears ?—
Exeter Hall is up, and the black coats
throughout England are marshalling. And
as for Punch—I say, fearlessly, that Punch,
as an enemy, is as strong as a hundred thou-
sand men.
Begin to
fight, and
our battle-
songs shall
riDg from one end of
England to another.
Begin to fight, and be
I say we could do it. If we were not better patriots than you, we could
plunge the two countries into a war. There would be no end to the profit to us.
Our sale would go up to a million. We should be in no danger. Your bullets
would not reach us in the Strand, and our gains would be so enormous that
the smallest printer's devil might eat turtle soup all day, out of business hours,
and buy thousands into the funds.
Bat the funds would fall. They did in former quarrels. The funds fell and
the country suffered. The poor man was pinched and the horrible Income Tax
invented, in order that we might have the honour of beating the French.
"We would beat them again no doubt, but the play is not worthy of the candle.
We might profit by a war, but our country would suffer. Punch therefore preaches
peace.
Ah, Sir ! do you follow the example of Punch > Consider, there are some things
which may be bought too dear ; a dotation for your family is one. None of the
papers have whispered the secret — but I and Palmerston knew it at once.
Tangiers has been bombarded that the Princes might be pensioned.
This is a hard price the world has to pay for the maintenance of your amiable
young family, and puts one in mind of the Chinese economist,-who burned a house
down in order to roast a pig. It was a neighbour's house too, as I've no doubt.
It is to get this money that the wise man par excellence of Europe, the lauded of
our Journals, the Napoleon of Peace, Ben DTsraeli's Ulysses, is burning towns
now, and perhaps going to incendiarise Europe to-morrow. Ah, Sir ! after all your
doubling and shuffling, your weeping and protesting, and weary smiling—all the
labours of a life to make a character—is it not a pity to be losing it in your old age I
What will Europe, what will Mr. Benjamin DTsraeli, say ? To endow your
Bons, and out of other people's pockets too, is a comfortable thing ; but what a
of our coast, and who are rewarded for their inge-
nuity by instant commands, and leave to practise their
favourite plans elsewhere—if you have a peaceful
minister, but take care that he be powerless and kiss
Her Majesty a score of times— our people will begin
to doubt that you are the Napoleon of Peace, and
others will take counsel with them.
There is the poor Emperor or Morocco, who
vows that he is a Napoleon of Peace, too, in his
way ; and how do you serve him! He can't practise
the peace he preaches, say you ; and you send Join-
ville to burn his cities, and Bugeaud to lay waste
his territories, seize upon his flocks, and butcher his
people.
Suppose all Europe were to take up a similar
opinion with regard to a certain country that is said
hind your hundred forts [ to be at the head of civilisation. Suppose it were
of Paris we'll wound to say, as it has before, "We don't trust you and
you with the intolerable your professions of peace. You are false when you
shafts of our wit—raise make them ; and powerless to work them out. You
our anger, and we can ' are peaceful ; and yet your people are perpetually
lash the three kingdoms in a fury 1 brandishing their swords at the throats of all their
against you. Pause, pause, infatu- neighbours—cursing and shrieking, and endlessly
ated Prince !—do not rouse such a I threatening war. You are peaceful ; and yet you tell
one friend that you will take his Rhine boundary
from him—imprison the servant of another ; tell
him he is a liar, and favour him with projects for
butchering, firing, and ruining him. You may pro-
test of your good intentions till you are black in
your royal face : but this is not our way of under-
standing peace."
If this goes on much further, with all our love
of quiet we shall be forced to speak out. The Mis-
sionaries are already gone over to the war-party.
Have a care, great Sir, that Punch don't join them
too. Dire will be the day when that event occurs ;
and we shall be compelled to perform the sad and
painful duty of poking up the British Lion.
power as we possess—a power which
we ourselves tremble at—so vast
is it — an explosive machine to
which Warner's longest range is
a trifle—a power which will set
twenty millions of Anglo-Saxons,
roaring, raging and thundering—a
power which can let loose the
bloodyr, irresistible war-dogs, who
so many a time have hunted over
your country.
We have been favoured by Prince Albert—for
after what we have done, it may be very well sup-
posed that Punch is a first favourite at Windsor Castle,
even though his name as guest has not yet appeared in
the Court Circular—we have been favoured with a
private view of the royal Bee-hives. They are formed
after the most approved political principles, albeit the
said principles have not yet come into general fashion.
They are so constructed, that the working-bees within,
(they are a very curious species of bee, and bear an
outward resemblance to British mechanics and ar-
tificers,) are carefully deprived of all the honey they
elaborate, save the honey that is considered sufficient
to afford them ample sustenance in all seasons. Thus,
it will be seen, that the Bees pay a very large pro-
perty-tax ; but, unlike too many of their fellow-sub-
jects, they are left enough to eat in return for their
labour. All is not taken from them. Their hives,
chance do you run for the sake of that enjoyment! You burn down a city—you I We understand, have been expressly fitted up for the
butcher, broil, and bombard whole myriads of Tangerines (poor devils ! had they | instruction of the Prince of Wales, whose dawning
but known how to make the offer, they ought to have proposed to pay down the
dotation-money at once—it would have been cheapest in the end for them).
Nor does the mischief end here with the benighted Turks. In a street, when
No. 4 is on fire, No. 3 begins to be rather anxious—and Gibraltar is No. 3, and a
pretty combustible place too.
Even though you are Ulysses, and the Napoleon of Peace, No. 3 won't
Btand it. With every respect for your character, and the warmest wish that the
amiable little Joinvilles and Nemours may be provided for, No. 2 is bound to
remonstrate against your peculiar mode of making your children comfortable. Only
let it be known what your plan is—and it is now beginning to appear pretty clearly
PRINCE ALBERT'S BEES.
mind will, we trust, receive and appreciate the whole-
some political and social lesson they so unequivocally
convey.
LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.
The Dukk of Richmond is preparing for the press a
work of astounding interest to the turfitec, containing a
narrative of the " qui tam " actions, under the title of
Owr Mbss."
TO THE NAPOLEON OF PEACE.
Punch Office, Wednesday, August 14, 1844.
vceful Sir,
—not only No. 2, but the whole street, will be indict-
ing you for a nuisance, and we shall have the fire-
offices of all Europe on the look-out.
In other words, if you send crack-brained officers
to bully our consuls—if you patronise harum-scarum
Pritchard has been cast out of young admirals who write schemes for the destruction
Otaheite, and Punch has been banished from
France.
Is your Majesty aware what a hornet's
nest you are bringing about your ears ?—
Exeter Hall is up, and the black coats
throughout England are marshalling. And
as for Punch—I say, fearlessly, that Punch,
as an enemy, is as strong as a hundred thou-
sand men.
Begin to
fight, and
our battle-
songs shall
riDg from one end of
England to another.
Begin to fight, and be
I say we could do it. If we were not better patriots than you, we could
plunge the two countries into a war. There would be no end to the profit to us.
Our sale would go up to a million. We should be in no danger. Your bullets
would not reach us in the Strand, and our gains would be so enormous that
the smallest printer's devil might eat turtle soup all day, out of business hours,
and buy thousands into the funds.
Bat the funds would fall. They did in former quarrels. The funds fell and
the country suffered. The poor man was pinched and the horrible Income Tax
invented, in order that we might have the honour of beating the French.
"We would beat them again no doubt, but the play is not worthy of the candle.
We might profit by a war, but our country would suffer. Punch therefore preaches
peace.
Ah, Sir ! do you follow the example of Punch > Consider, there are some things
which may be bought too dear ; a dotation for your family is one. None of the
papers have whispered the secret — but I and Palmerston knew it at once.
Tangiers has been bombarded that the Princes might be pensioned.
This is a hard price the world has to pay for the maintenance of your amiable
young family, and puts one in mind of the Chinese economist,-who burned a house
down in order to roast a pig. It was a neighbour's house too, as I've no doubt.
It is to get this money that the wise man par excellence of Europe, the lauded of
our Journals, the Napoleon of Peace, Ben DTsraeli's Ulysses, is burning towns
now, and perhaps going to incendiarise Europe to-morrow. Ah, Sir ! after all your
doubling and shuffling, your weeping and protesting, and weary smiling—all the
labours of a life to make a character—is it not a pity to be losing it in your old age I
What will Europe, what will Mr. Benjamin DTsraeli, say ? To endow your
Bons, and out of other people's pockets too, is a comfortable thing ; but what a
of our coast, and who are rewarded for their inge-
nuity by instant commands, and leave to practise their
favourite plans elsewhere—if you have a peaceful
minister, but take care that he be powerless and kiss
Her Majesty a score of times— our people will begin
to doubt that you are the Napoleon of Peace, and
others will take counsel with them.
There is the poor Emperor or Morocco, who
vows that he is a Napoleon of Peace, too, in his
way ; and how do you serve him! He can't practise
the peace he preaches, say you ; and you send Join-
ville to burn his cities, and Bugeaud to lay waste
his territories, seize upon his flocks, and butcher his
people.
Suppose all Europe were to take up a similar
opinion with regard to a certain country that is said
hind your hundred forts [ to be at the head of civilisation. Suppose it were
of Paris we'll wound to say, as it has before, "We don't trust you and
you with the intolerable your professions of peace. You are false when you
shafts of our wit—raise make them ; and powerless to work them out. You
our anger, and we can ' are peaceful ; and yet your people are perpetually
lash the three kingdoms in a fury 1 brandishing their swords at the throats of all their
against you. Pause, pause, infatu- neighbours—cursing and shrieking, and endlessly
ated Prince !—do not rouse such a I threatening war. You are peaceful ; and yet you tell
one friend that you will take his Rhine boundary
from him—imprison the servant of another ; tell
him he is a liar, and favour him with projects for
butchering, firing, and ruining him. You may pro-
test of your good intentions till you are black in
your royal face : but this is not our way of under-
standing peace."
If this goes on much further, with all our love
of quiet we shall be forced to speak out. The Mis-
sionaries are already gone over to the war-party.
Have a care, great Sir, that Punch don't join them
too. Dire will be the day when that event occurs ;
and we shall be compelled to perform the sad and
painful duty of poking up the British Lion.
power as we possess—a power which
we ourselves tremble at—so vast
is it — an explosive machine to
which Warner's longest range is
a trifle—a power which will set
twenty millions of Anglo-Saxons,
roaring, raging and thundering—a
power which can let loose the
bloodyr, irresistible war-dogs, who
so many a time have hunted over
your country.
We have been favoured by Prince Albert—for
after what we have done, it may be very well sup-
posed that Punch is a first favourite at Windsor Castle,
even though his name as guest has not yet appeared in
the Court Circular—we have been favoured with a
private view of the royal Bee-hives. They are formed
after the most approved political principles, albeit the
said principles have not yet come into general fashion.
They are so constructed, that the working-bees within,
(they are a very curious species of bee, and bear an
outward resemblance to British mechanics and ar-
tificers,) are carefully deprived of all the honey they
elaborate, save the honey that is considered sufficient
to afford them ample sustenance in all seasons. Thus,
it will be seen, that the Bees pay a very large pro-
perty-tax ; but, unlike too many of their fellow-sub-
jects, they are left enough to eat in return for their
labour. All is not taken from them. Their hives,
chance do you run for the sake of that enjoyment! You burn down a city—you I We understand, have been expressly fitted up for the
butcher, broil, and bombard whole myriads of Tangerines (poor devils ! had they | instruction of the Prince of Wales, whose dawning
but known how to make the offer, they ought to have proposed to pay down the
dotation-money at once—it would have been cheapest in the end for them).
Nor does the mischief end here with the benighted Turks. In a street, when
No. 4 is on fire, No. 3 begins to be rather anxious—and Gibraltar is No. 3, and a
pretty combustible place too.
Even though you are Ulysses, and the Napoleon of Peace, No. 3 won't
Btand it. With every respect for your character, and the warmest wish that the
amiable little Joinvilles and Nemours may be provided for, No. 2 is bound to
remonstrate against your peculiar mode of making your children comfortable. Only
let it be known what your plan is—and it is now beginning to appear pretty clearly
PRINCE ALBERT'S BEES.
mind will, we trust, receive and appreciate the whole-
some political and social lesson they so unequivocally
convey.
LITERARY INTELLIGENCE.
The Dukk of Richmond is preparing for the press a
work of astounding interest to the turfitec, containing a
narrative of the " qui tam " actions, under the title of
Owr Mbss."