Punch (7.1844)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

269

! Almanack will be a

Like our old sires, with roaring fires,
The fangs of winter braving,

Huge logs pile high, to sit thereby. \J Wjjd^A* ^ Pictorial Chronology for 1844,

Chorus.

We've not a single shaving !

Good Christmas fare is physic rare

To warm the regions inner ;
Plum-pudding join to stout sirloin.

Chorus.

We've not a crust for dinner !

Chorus.

We've not a bed to sleep on !

Loud be the song, the laughter long ;

Our joy no care shall leaven ;
Christmas is here but once a-year.

Chorus.

For that, at least, thank Heaven !

notice:

The extensive preparations for the
publication of

a CHRISTMAS CAROL.

To Church betimes ! The Christmas chime

Are calling high and low in ; Wfjj^^^^^ PUNCH'S ALMANACK

To Church then all, both great and small ! fJ/^SLQ J> 10).

Chorus of many voices. y vfSr

We've not a coat to go in! (fx being now completed, it will be intro-

duced to the world on the 24th inst.

One of the prominent features of the

ILLUSTRATIVE OF

the irish state trials.
the progress of the dog bill.
the introduction of the polka.
art union and fine art distribution.
the running rein fraud.
visit of the emperor of russia.
the war in morocco.

meeting of the agricultural association.
the writ of error.
the visit of louis philippe.
the completion of the royal exchange.

Fill glass and bowl, each jovial soul, ^^JijfiPf^'^^P|f|j|Pffi|^v -^r<2<i the triumphs of punch.

As round the hearth we close m ; / r '^S^'S^M^^^-^M^^ In addition to the preceding artistic

Our wine is bright in its ruddy light. llKSirH PjiwP1 ^ ) ^ wonders. Punch has also depicted the

Chorus. p^Mh 1 I.^PHill IBil B! folluwing

Our very water's frozen ! XV*y^L lilil! W^llfflii I Mi HI Jjs Bubbles of the Year.

the o'connell rent.

Eight late we'll sup, and keep it up \ l" IlilillllfflliiHIll^ v M « shaving the ladies."

* . 1 , „ 1 1 <^^immh-^^MmwB% V^L. cheap clothing.

Till time to morn shall creep on ; /Wk '! i^S^1'!! lllil^^^v T0M THUMB AT THE PALACE-

Then sink-to rest in downy nest. l\ jv ffj || Hfl wjtff^HIIMIffllHMl Wm*i£XA 4 testimonials to managers.

patent life pills,
cheap furniture.

the agricultural prize labourer,
the british and foreign destitute,
young England's soiree,
the great unaccountable,
fashionable proprietary chapels.

This arrangement will ensure merriment
to everybody's Christmas, for something
less than the cost of an ordinary mince-
pie.

THF SfHOfll VTASTFR TM pt WOW Many-very many other propositions the valuable ;iml of the

IrlJi oCHUULAlAb 1 JiK IN GLAbGOW. , Bailie's thrift, have been set forth for the future regulation of the

The flourishing city of Glasgow is blessed with a population of i one school of Glasgow. So that it may reasonably be hoped, it the

nearly 300,000 ; it is further blessed with a yearly revenue of 17,000^.
and the city of Glasgow supports one public school. Possibly bigoted

Bailie succeed in his reforms, that the free school will, in due season,
be a ball for cobwebs, the schoolmaster giving place to the spider.

to the foolish saw, that "a little learning is a dangerous thing," the Is it not intended to institute public baths in Glasgow ? It so, we
Glasgow authorities, with characteristic prudence, do all they can to j would advise Bailie Whitehead to take an early dip ; and. it
lessen the evil. One Bailie Whitehead has, it appears, very j possible, cleanse himself of his present intentions,
original opinions touching the dignity of learning ; and has therefore
proposed to cut the schoolmaster to the quick ; to make him a kind
■of day-labourer—a respectable sort of stone-breaker.

There are seven masters in the one public school of Glasgow.
Five of these have bOl per anmim each, with certain fees ; the other

two must live on fees alone. Besides these, there is an old, retired j One"of the most curious chapters is that which contains a table of the
schoolmaster—a worn-out man—who has taught arithmetic and the various circumstances to which inebriety may be attributed. The Report
humanities to the present merchant princes of Glasgow. This man j divides intoxication into several heads, including; the muzzy, which is a sort
receives a pension of 100<!. a year for his past hard labours. Altogether 1 of minor branch. Among the muzzy, six cases out of ten may be traced
there is a yearly total of 500L expended by Glasgow for public educa- j to spasms, and that one-nineteenth arises from birth-days ; that among
tion ' i confidential clerks inebriety is rare, but when it occurs, pickled salmon.

Now, Bailie Whitehead, in the breadth of his mind and the or the arrival of a friend from the country, are found to be the most

STATISTICS OF DRUNKENNESS.
A very curious document has been lately drawn up on the origin,
causes, results, metaphysics, philosophy, and physiology of drunkenness.

depth of his heart, sees in all this a reckless, sinful extravagance.
The tree of learning is all very well, but it may be too richly
manured ; its apples, golden as they are, may cost too much.
Whereupon, the Bailie proposes—with a benevolence that all men
(smst acknowledge—that the superannuated schoolmaster be, in his
old age, deprived of his pension ! He might starve, to be sure ; no,

aot starve: for has not Scotland the beneficence of her peculiar ,>0wer of imagination, that a man has been known to drop down into the
poor laws I After this, the Bailie would take the 501. salary from i gutter eight or nine times in a year, through having fancied that the
<^ch of the five teachers, reducing them to fees alone ! i birth-day of his wife occurred repeatedly in the course of a twelvemonth.

usual causes of the malady.

Drunkeuness has also been known to arise in some instances from
taking up a bill ; but as the latter is an operation which persons given to
intoxication seldom perform, the number of cases to be attributed to
this source is very insignificant A wife's birth-day has often been known
to lead to a total prostration of the husband ; but it is a remarkable fact,
that the day is frequently mistaken in these instances, and such is the