DOI Heft:
January to June, 1845
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16521#0146
150
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Great jBtattonal lEx&flritton.
We understand that the Commissioners of Woods and Forests have it
in contemplation to place a showman at Charing Cross, for the purpose of
explaining the extraordinary exhibition which there presents itself. The
difficulty experienced by the public in comprehending the arrangements
renders this course exceedingly desirable, and, in order to aid so laudable
a desigD, we beg leave to offer the following graphic description, in
language adapted to the popular comprehension, to be spoken in the
character of a showman by the functionary who may be appointed to the
important office :—
" Aye !—Aye !—here ! Walk np and see the wonderfullest exhibition
in all London. Look straight afore you, and you will see the National
Gallery, with a lanthorn at each end, intended to throw a light upon the
arts. Underneath is a grand hallegorical representation in honour of the
naval greatness of England. Look to the right, and you will see an
equestrian statue of George the Fourth, supposed to be in the uniform
of the Horse Marines, so as to be in character with the nautical natur of the
scene around. If you look a little lower down, you will see a pair of
aquatic dumb waiters, waiting, like poor dumb creaturs as they are, for a
draft of water to be supplied to them. If you look straightforard right
afore your werry eyes, you will see a model of one of Palmer's patent
candlesticks without the glass shade at the top. On the extreme summit
is the hiinmortal Nelson a turning hot" his back on the whole concern,
and haxin the horse of King Charles what is his opinion coiisarnin ot it.
Aye !—aye !_here !—here !—be in time ! " Ancl when attorneys round me pressed
With writs of judgment and arrest,
Who set for weeks their quills at rest ?
My Uncle !
superfluous snuff-box, one need never want a sovereign to spend or an
Uncle to lend it.
MY UNCLE.
Who, by a transmutation bold,
Turns clothes or watches, new and old,
Or any other goods, to gold ?—
My Uncle !
Who, by a duplication rare,
Makes Hunger's chattels (scant and barf )
Produce first cash, and then good fare *—
My Uncle !
Who, when my credit got quite low,
Handed me cash on Jane's trousseau,
And lent a suite of paste for show ?—
My Uncle !
Who caused her silks our mouths to fill,
And made my full-dress shirt with frill
Discharge a fortnight's butcher's bill ?
My Uncle !
When creditors, a ruthless crew,
Had "small accounts just coming due,"
Who stopped their clamorous tongues ? Why you,
My Uncle !
THE UNCLES OF ENGLAND.*
Who lent us hundreds three and four,
And kindly kept our plate secure,
When we commenced our foreign tour ?
erhaps of all the varieties of relationship into My Uncle !
which mankind is divided, none claims our
gratitude or obtains our interest so freely as
Our Uncles. They may be truly said to
represent the benevolence of the country ;
for it is the business of their lives to lend.
They amass wealth with no other object
Boulogne-sur-Mer, March, 1845.
INTERROGATORIES FOR PLAYERS.
What do actors and actresses mean by saying, " Skee-yi," " Blee-yew„
than to distribute it amongst their fellow- " Kee-yind," and " Dis-gyee—ise," for Sky, Blue, Kind, and Disguise?
creatures in small loans, provided the I Are the ladies and gentlemen in question aware that all those words-
security be good. Theirs is the delightful ; are words of one syllable, except the last, which has two, and of which
they make three ? Are they ignorant of these facts, or do they think it
fine or elegant thus to tamper with the Queen's English ? If they doy
let Punch seriously assure them that they are mistaken ; he very much
wishes that they would break themselves of this habit, which he can
never go to a theatre without being annoyed by. Especially has he to-
privilege of helping the needy and succour
ing the distressed, at the rate of twenty
per cent, per annum. They set up taber-
nacles in bye-places to do " good by stealth ;"
and—when the interest they take in, or
ASTRONOMICAL RUNNERS.
rather from, the objects of their bene vo- complain of certain "Walking Gentlemen;" to whom he would feel
lence is too excessive to be hidden from the magistracy and the people— J greatly obliged if they would pay a little more attention to their Walker,
they " blush to find it fame." They are, in truth, a shrinking, modest,
and—to judge from the frequency with which they give up business and
live in the country—a retiring race. They tremble lest their good deeds
should be blazoned too openly ; and, with a delicate regard to the feelings
of the poor, screen their necessities from public gaze by inviting them to
bolt themselves into small temporary habitations.
In this free, merry, and happy land the Uncles are numerous, though
their nephews predominate ; for it is a law of nature that cozeners
should be fewer than cousins. The Uncles of Eugland are in fact the
active agents of a grand system of Nepotism : they allure all sorts and
conditions of men into the bonds of relationship, and are ever anxious to
provide, that is to do, for them. The deed of family contract generally
consists of a diminutive pasteboard indenture, and the ceremony observed
is nearly the same as that anciently followed in love-plights ; only instead
of a coin being severed the card is cut in half, each party keeping a
moiety. By this affecting formula the pledge is taken, and the pledger
takenin—amongst the large family of those who have so often occasion to
speak in affectionate terms of " My Uncle." And no wonder 1 for his first
act is to provide you with a little ready money.
Nor does his friendly care end here : his regard for your welfare is
almost paternal. He checks extravagance, and enforces economy ; he
takes care of your little superfluities, relieves your wife of the bother of
locking up her jewels, and puts by your clothes in the neatest manner,
so that you may not wear the nap off.
The manifold obligations I am under to my own private and particular
Uncle here inspired me with the following poetical tribute to the virtues of
the entire race. I honour and esteem them. They have been liberal re-
latives to myself and wife. But for them, we should have often gone
without wine with our dinner, and been obliged to stay away fror_ many
an evening party for the want of means to pay the hackney-coachman.
Thank Heaven ! in this favoured country, while one has a spare coat or a
• Being hints for a new work by the Author of the "Mothers," "Daughters,"
'Fourth Cousin*," a__ " Grand Nephews" of England.
The Astronomical Detective Force have been very active in pursuit of
the new comet. He was last seen off Ursa Major ; and, after looking in
upon Mars, was traced as far as Gemini. This sign, it has since been
proved, he left, to enter one of the Houses of the Zodiac, where he stopped
some time to have a pull with Aquarius. The last report is, that he has
been lost in the Milky way. To ascertain this, Professor South is busy-
dragging it with one of Dollond's telescopes in its deepest parts. No
reward has yet been offered by the authorities at Greenwich for his
apprehension ; but we have not the slightest doubt ourselves, if they only
leave the comet alone, that, like the sheep of little Bo-peep, " he'll come
home and bring his tail behind him."
galvanic absurdities.
A celebrated Professor, of Brunswick-square, who may be called the
Champion of the Galvanic Ring, declares that the circulation of the starry
svstem is altogether so perfect, that the rings of Saturn must be " galvanic
rings !" Bravo ! We shall next be told that the " ring at Astley's" is
galvanic ; or we suppose this Professor, in his ardour to reduce every-
thing to galvanism, would, if he were assaulted, call it " an assault and
galvanic battery."_______
an ill wind that blows nobody good.
The Victoria and Albert yacht has been sent out in company with
some other vessels on a trial cruise; the orders being that they are "to
look for a gale." We understand that Dr. Reid offered to attend on
board with his ventilating apparatus, to be ready in the event of Boreas
making a default. The Doctor's anxiety to raise the wind cannot he for o
moment doubted, though his ability to do so is quite another Question.
!
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Great jBtattonal lEx&flritton.
We understand that the Commissioners of Woods and Forests have it
in contemplation to place a showman at Charing Cross, for the purpose of
explaining the extraordinary exhibition which there presents itself. The
difficulty experienced by the public in comprehending the arrangements
renders this course exceedingly desirable, and, in order to aid so laudable
a desigD, we beg leave to offer the following graphic description, in
language adapted to the popular comprehension, to be spoken in the
character of a showman by the functionary who may be appointed to the
important office :—
" Aye !—Aye !—here ! Walk np and see the wonderfullest exhibition
in all London. Look straight afore you, and you will see the National
Gallery, with a lanthorn at each end, intended to throw a light upon the
arts. Underneath is a grand hallegorical representation in honour of the
naval greatness of England. Look to the right, and you will see an
equestrian statue of George the Fourth, supposed to be in the uniform
of the Horse Marines, so as to be in character with the nautical natur of the
scene around. If you look a little lower down, you will see a pair of
aquatic dumb waiters, waiting, like poor dumb creaturs as they are, for a
draft of water to be supplied to them. If you look straightforard right
afore your werry eyes, you will see a model of one of Palmer's patent
candlesticks without the glass shade at the top. On the extreme summit
is the hiinmortal Nelson a turning hot" his back on the whole concern,
and haxin the horse of King Charles what is his opinion coiisarnin ot it.
Aye !—aye !_here !—here !—be in time ! " Ancl when attorneys round me pressed
With writs of judgment and arrest,
Who set for weeks their quills at rest ?
My Uncle !
superfluous snuff-box, one need never want a sovereign to spend or an
Uncle to lend it.
MY UNCLE.
Who, by a transmutation bold,
Turns clothes or watches, new and old,
Or any other goods, to gold ?—
My Uncle !
Who, by a duplication rare,
Makes Hunger's chattels (scant and barf )
Produce first cash, and then good fare *—
My Uncle !
Who, when my credit got quite low,
Handed me cash on Jane's trousseau,
And lent a suite of paste for show ?—
My Uncle !
Who caused her silks our mouths to fill,
And made my full-dress shirt with frill
Discharge a fortnight's butcher's bill ?
My Uncle !
When creditors, a ruthless crew,
Had "small accounts just coming due,"
Who stopped their clamorous tongues ? Why you,
My Uncle !
THE UNCLES OF ENGLAND.*
Who lent us hundreds three and four,
And kindly kept our plate secure,
When we commenced our foreign tour ?
erhaps of all the varieties of relationship into My Uncle !
which mankind is divided, none claims our
gratitude or obtains our interest so freely as
Our Uncles. They may be truly said to
represent the benevolence of the country ;
for it is the business of their lives to lend.
They amass wealth with no other object
Boulogne-sur-Mer, March, 1845.
INTERROGATORIES FOR PLAYERS.
What do actors and actresses mean by saying, " Skee-yi," " Blee-yew„
than to distribute it amongst their fellow- " Kee-yind," and " Dis-gyee—ise," for Sky, Blue, Kind, and Disguise?
creatures in small loans, provided the I Are the ladies and gentlemen in question aware that all those words-
security be good. Theirs is the delightful ; are words of one syllable, except the last, which has two, and of which
they make three ? Are they ignorant of these facts, or do they think it
fine or elegant thus to tamper with the Queen's English ? If they doy
let Punch seriously assure them that they are mistaken ; he very much
wishes that they would break themselves of this habit, which he can
never go to a theatre without being annoyed by. Especially has he to-
privilege of helping the needy and succour
ing the distressed, at the rate of twenty
per cent, per annum. They set up taber-
nacles in bye-places to do " good by stealth ;"
and—when the interest they take in, or
ASTRONOMICAL RUNNERS.
rather from, the objects of their bene vo- complain of certain "Walking Gentlemen;" to whom he would feel
lence is too excessive to be hidden from the magistracy and the people— J greatly obliged if they would pay a little more attention to their Walker,
they " blush to find it fame." They are, in truth, a shrinking, modest,
and—to judge from the frequency with which they give up business and
live in the country—a retiring race. They tremble lest their good deeds
should be blazoned too openly ; and, with a delicate regard to the feelings
of the poor, screen their necessities from public gaze by inviting them to
bolt themselves into small temporary habitations.
In this free, merry, and happy land the Uncles are numerous, though
their nephews predominate ; for it is a law of nature that cozeners
should be fewer than cousins. The Uncles of Eugland are in fact the
active agents of a grand system of Nepotism : they allure all sorts and
conditions of men into the bonds of relationship, and are ever anxious to
provide, that is to do, for them. The deed of family contract generally
consists of a diminutive pasteboard indenture, and the ceremony observed
is nearly the same as that anciently followed in love-plights ; only instead
of a coin being severed the card is cut in half, each party keeping a
moiety. By this affecting formula the pledge is taken, and the pledger
takenin—amongst the large family of those who have so often occasion to
speak in affectionate terms of " My Uncle." And no wonder 1 for his first
act is to provide you with a little ready money.
Nor does his friendly care end here : his regard for your welfare is
almost paternal. He checks extravagance, and enforces economy ; he
takes care of your little superfluities, relieves your wife of the bother of
locking up her jewels, and puts by your clothes in the neatest manner,
so that you may not wear the nap off.
The manifold obligations I am under to my own private and particular
Uncle here inspired me with the following poetical tribute to the virtues of
the entire race. I honour and esteem them. They have been liberal re-
latives to myself and wife. But for them, we should have often gone
without wine with our dinner, and been obliged to stay away fror_ many
an evening party for the want of means to pay the hackney-coachman.
Thank Heaven ! in this favoured country, while one has a spare coat or a
• Being hints for a new work by the Author of the "Mothers," "Daughters,"
'Fourth Cousin*," a__ " Grand Nephews" of England.
The Astronomical Detective Force have been very active in pursuit of
the new comet. He was last seen off Ursa Major ; and, after looking in
upon Mars, was traced as far as Gemini. This sign, it has since been
proved, he left, to enter one of the Houses of the Zodiac, where he stopped
some time to have a pull with Aquarius. The last report is, that he has
been lost in the Milky way. To ascertain this, Professor South is busy-
dragging it with one of Dollond's telescopes in its deepest parts. No
reward has yet been offered by the authorities at Greenwich for his
apprehension ; but we have not the slightest doubt ourselves, if they only
leave the comet alone, that, like the sheep of little Bo-peep, " he'll come
home and bring his tail behind him."
galvanic absurdities.
A celebrated Professor, of Brunswick-square, who may be called the
Champion of the Galvanic Ring, declares that the circulation of the starry
svstem is altogether so perfect, that the rings of Saturn must be " galvanic
rings !" Bravo ! We shall next be told that the " ring at Astley's" is
galvanic ; or we suppose this Professor, in his ardour to reduce every-
thing to galvanism, would, if he were assaulted, call it " an assault and
galvanic battery."_______
an ill wind that blows nobody good.
The Victoria and Albert yacht has been sent out in company with
some other vessels on a trial cruise; the orders being that they are "to
look for a gale." We understand that Dr. Reid offered to attend on
board with his ventilating apparatus, to be ready in the event of Boreas
making a default. The Doctor's anxiety to raise the wind cannot he for o
moment doubted, though his ability to do so is quite another Question.
!