Punch (26.1854)

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

FUM - ' STHE. BUUUU

mHE WICKED GIANT WITH THE TWO HEADS.

THE AUTOCRAT AND HIS ALTAR.

The idolatry that adores a forked animal, six feet high, as the “ God
of the Russians/" is attended with some inconvenience. The holders
of the “orthodox faith,” or believers in Nicholas, are beginning to
find the worship of that deity expensive. Over land, under sea, the
following little fact has been flashed hither by electric wire :—

“ The Court appears gloomy ; the preparations for war have already cost enormous
sums, and the Minister of Finance has laid his hands on the capitals of Loan Societies
conducted by private persons.”

The Nicolaitans of Russia have discovered that their divinity
requires sacrifices: and that the immolation of helpless Turks is not
enough for him. His own votaries must also bleed for his honour and
glory, not only from wounds received, some of them in the back, on
the banks of the Danube, but also in connexion with other banks, by
a copious effusion of the circulating medium.

War Steamers for Russia.

Two war-steamers are being constructed on the Tyne for Russia:
this is a fact well known ; but what we have now to relate has been
hitherto kept a profound secret. A distinguished tobacconist has sold
his wooden Highlander—who was allowed to be a striking likeness to
the Earl of Aberdeen—for the figure-head of one of the vessels. And
yet the Czar has no gratitude! i

LAW WITHOUT LAWYERS.

The other day one of the Courts at Westminster was brought to a
dead stand still—by that very common cause—there being no cause that
could be proceeded with in consequence of the absence of counsel. All
the barristers that had anything to do at Westminster had something
else to do at Guildhall, and the result was a pretty to-do among the
judges themselves in consequence of there being nothing doing. It
seems rather an absurdity to select those barristers for work who have
no time to attend to it; but, of course, if Horsehair Senior is an
attorney, Horsehair Junior will be instructed on behalf of all the
clients of the former, or, if Serjeant Silvertongue has got a name,
the pretensions of every other Serjeant or Q. C. will be ignored; and
as Silvertongue cannot be everywhere at once, he will perforce
neglect his clients in two out of three of the Courts to which business
calls him. Even the Old Bailey Bar has its favourites, and the “ only
recognised bully,” or “the acknowledged hero of balderdash and
bluster,” will carry off all the briefs, to the utter neglect of the crowd
of learned candidates for forensic fame who “ hang out ” for practice in
the neighbourhood of Newgate.

The Barons of the Exchequer began a new, and we think a highly
successful game, the other day, when, there being no barristers to do
the business, the Bench went on without the aid of the Bar, and got
through several causes in the absence of counsel on both sides. We
have not heard that the suitors had to complain, and, indeed, the
probability is that more substantial justice was done between them,
than would have been the result if Eusbos, Q. C., had been suffered to
encumber the matter with his lumbering learning, or Fustian had been
allowed to confuse matters on the other side with his eloquence.
When the public find that barristers who are paid to plead don’t plead,
and that their absence from their duty does not impede the progress of
business, the public aforesaid will grow tired of paying exorbitant fees
for nothing at all, and time will be saved by the Court as well as money
by the suitors. We strongly recommend the precedent set by the
Exchequer to the notice of the Queen’s Bench and Common Pleas, for
law will lose half its terrors, and more than half of its expense, if it
should be found that Judges will get at the law and facts of a case
without the intervention of counsel on either side.

THE NO TROUSER NUISANCE.

here has been lately a dis-
cussion carried on with a good
deal of vehemence as to the
propriety or impropriety of
walking about the streets with-
out trousers—a practice which
is said to be connected with
the nationality of Scotland.
We regret that Scotch na-
tionality should have nothing
better than great bare brawny
legs to stand upon.

We must, confess we have
often been disgusted at seeing
a heavy looking Scotch clown
without any pantaloons; and
we have thought the cry
against the impropriety of
allowing bullocks to pass
through the streets rather un-
reasonable, while a quantity of
no less offensive calves could
freely perambulate the tho-
roughfares. We should be
glad to see the nuisance ex-
terminated, and though at
present it may be said to be
“ scotched ” and “ kilt,” we
are anxious for more summary
treatment.

Nicholas in Danger.

LOVE IN LOW LIFE.

Before marriage the man is very much struck with the woman, and
afterwards the woman is very much struck by the man.

The Banl ~>f Hope.—The orchestra of a theatre having struck in
the hope of gett mg their salary.

Certain accounts from St. Peterburg express the most affectionate
fears lest Nicholas—outraged by the shameful conduct ot the allies
—should go off in a fit of apoplexy. Baths of human blood have
been taken by potentates of the like kidney with Nicholas, it is
said, with the happiest success, But, it is plain, that the remedies
of one age cease to cure in another; otherwise the blood of the three
thousand slaughtered at Sinope would surely have been as restorative
dew to the feverish system of the Czar

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