DOI issue:
Volume XXVI
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16613#0081
74
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Charles [laughing), My dear, you ’re thinking of hoys—the College
Holds men—[Observes her again distraite.) How pleasant your thirst
for knowledge !
Don’t say you listen, and show you don’t;
Tell me you will, or else you won’t.
Mien [rebuked). My dearest, I hope I’m not perverse—
Charles. But what the deuce is the use of the nurse ?
Well, on we go. Those atrocious lawyers
Are to send in two of their own topsawyers.
As if the House didn’t want relief
From the men who jabber as if from a brief.
With “puff” writ large on their brazen faces,
And who jabber and puff themselves into places.
But the yell that met this precious proposal
I las left this couple of seats at disposal.
Lastly, (I ’ve tired you out, I’m afraid),
A new Metropolitan district’s made,
Where Kensington’s haughty piles of stone
Unite with the seedy and snob-like Sloane.
And now all this, if you count, you ’ll see,
Allots the Members—just sixty-three.
Ellen. But sixty-six was the number you said.
Charles [delighted). Darling, you carry a quick little head.
The other three, there is no denyin’,
Are tossed as sops to the Scottish Lion.
Ellen. But do any new people get votes ?
Charles. Yes, shoals!
And will strangely alter the state of polls.
Anyone earning a hundred a-year.
Paid half-yearly, or quarterly, clear,
Or who takes his tin, economical fox,
Prom Government, Bank, or East India Stocks :
Or pays to Assessed or Income Taxes
j Porty shillings when Gladstone axes ;
i Or graduates where Abuse Matres conduct—
(Ellen. Like my brother Tom ?
INDUSTRY AND IDLENESS IN THE NAVY.
very day we read, “All is activity
at the dockyards ; ” but what is the
use of activity at the dockyards, if
there is nothing afloat but “gout”
and “ indisposition ? ” The following
paragraph is quite enlivening, and it
is really refreshing to contemplate
the vigour it seems to manifest:—
“ We learn from Chatham that the whole
of the artificers and labourers in that dock-
yard are now, with few exceptions, at full
swing upon the task and job system of work,
and earning from 5s. to 7s. per diem. The
progress made daily in building the Orion,
screw, 91, is manifest even to an unprofes-
sional eye, and the mechanics of all grades
seem, under the excitement of the change of
system, quite a new class of operatives. The
sails and rigging of the Meeanee, 80, are com-
plete, and she is ready for commissioning.”
This is all very satisfactory ; but when we come to read something
about the officers who are to be at the head of the working of all this
promising array of naval construction, we find such paragraphs as the
annexed to damp our patriotic aspirations
“ We hear Vice-Admiral the Hon. J. Percy, commanding at the Nore, is suffering
from an attack of gout.
“ Rear-Admiral Martin, superintendent of this dockyard, continues very unwell.
This is mosi unfortunate at this present moment.
“ C aptain Fremantle, of the Juno, is also indisposed.
“ Captain Sir Everard Home, Bart., C.B., of the Calliope, 26, senior officer on the
Australian and New Zealand station, is reported by the mail just in from that region
to have died at Sydney on the 2nd of November last. Captain Fremantle, in the
Juno, was going out to relieve him.”
With a gouty "commander at the Nore, an invalid superintendent of
the dockyard, and an indisposed captain of the Juno, we are in a rather
unpromising plight, from which we are not very efficiently extricated
by the additional intelligence that the captain already declared to be
“ indisposed ” is going out to Sydney to “ relieve ” a deceased senior
officer. We do not wonder at the Greenwich pensioners having been
j thought of as a desirable accession to our maritime strength, and indeed
looking at the age and infirmity of some of our admirals, we may regard
the Greenwich pensioners as so much comparatively “young blood”
infused into the navy.
Every one must be pleased to hear that England is ready to put forth
its “ old spirit,” but we cannot help lamenting that the “ old spirit ”
has not some rather newer bodies in which to deposit it.
Charles. Not quite—he was plucked.)
Or keeps fifty pounds in a Savings Bank
Eor just three years—comes into the rank.
Voting for county or borough either,
Whereas at present he claims for neither.
But here are the greatest changes of all.
And those which promise us battle and brawl.
The ten pound man who a living earns
IV here he likes (if not in a town that returns)
Has a county vote—we shall soon see whether
This will fuse the antagonist classes together.
And the borough rate, to meet working men,
Is, moreover, reduced to six from ten.
With smaller matters you needn’t be fashed,
The register’s final—freemen are smashed.
Rates and taxes need not be paid—
Ellen [delighted). I always said that law should be matte,
Eor, of all the cruel, exacting things,
Taxes and rates—
Charles. Our fancy’s wings
Must bear ns, darling, an awful height.
If they mean to take us from Gladstone’s sight.
Lord John’s relief, in tottle and whole.
Is, “ You need not pay before you poll.”
Well, now, I trust, my Eleanor finds,
She’s in force to astonish the Boroughbribe minds.
And the point yon should take—or two points, may be
In talking— [An unmistakable screech upstairs.
Ellen. Oh ! Charles, ring twice for baby.
[Charles rushes in wrath to the upstairs bell, and pulls as if he
were tearing at the cord of a bath, and wanted to bring down a
shower of babies. The heiress descends; and in an animated
controversy with Saunders whether the little angel really likes
sugar or not, Ellen forgets the duty of gratitude for the past,
and of attention for the future.
THE RULE OF THE WORLD WITH EXCEPTIONS.
A paragraph has been going the round of the papers having for its
title. The Rulers of the World, and giving an account of the number of
sovereigns, with the peculiar title of their sovereignty. From this we
ascertain that there are in the world two Rajahs, one Sultan, one
Schah, one Ameer, and another singular animal, denominated an
Imaum. The last of these living creatures would, no doubt, if_ trans-
ferred to the Zoological Gardens, share the public admiration with our
old friend the Hippopotamus. Eew have seen a live Imaum ; and, if
Muscat could spare its head for a single London season, we are sure
that the exhibition of the Imaum would do a great deal for the
Muscatese revenue.
By the way, we ought to protest against the omission of one or two
individuals, within our own knowledge, who have been omitted from
this list of “rulers of the world” rather unceremoniously. We have
been expecting to see a letter from the Beadle of the Lowiher Arcade,
or his super-excellency the (six feet) High Keeper of Golden Square,
both of whom might consider themselves on an equality with any
Schah, and would look upon the Ameer as a mere humbug. There is,
also, many a street keeper who is quite an Imaum in his own conceit,
and who when, with the air of a Pacha, he inflicts a lick of his cane,
feels as if he were at home in his own Pacha-lick. We hope, in the next
edition of the “Rulers of the World,” we shall find the names of a few
of those who rule in the great empire of Beadledom.
“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE OUT POOR IRELAND?”
Directly any new measure is proposed, you are sure to see an
enthusiastic Irishman jump up in his seat, and inquire indignantly if
the benefit of it is to be extended to Ireland. We should not be in
the least astonished, if a Bill was to be brought in for “ The Better
Management and General Improvement of the Thames Tunnel,” at
some wild Irishman springing forward, and gravely inquiring, “if
Ireland was to be included in the intended measure ? for if not, be
should bring all his influence to bear in opposition against it! ” We
really believe that if a Bill were proposed for “The Erection of Soup-
kitchens in the Metropolis for the Relief of the Briefless Barristers of
Lincoln’s Inn,” that these Hibernian zealots would object to it, unless
it could be proved that Carrickfergus, and Downpatrick, and Dungan-
non, and Kilkenny, and Tipperary, and Westmeath, and Youghal, were
specially brought within its provisions. We are positive they would
oppose the pulling-down of Temple Bar, because the removal would
be no kind of advantage to Sackville Street in Dublin !
Question of Universal Interest.—How much ?
I
The British Tar’s Motto -.—“Semper Hide'emE
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Charles [laughing), My dear, you ’re thinking of hoys—the College
Holds men—[Observes her again distraite.) How pleasant your thirst
for knowledge !
Don’t say you listen, and show you don’t;
Tell me you will, or else you won’t.
Mien [rebuked). My dearest, I hope I’m not perverse—
Charles. But what the deuce is the use of the nurse ?
Well, on we go. Those atrocious lawyers
Are to send in two of their own topsawyers.
As if the House didn’t want relief
From the men who jabber as if from a brief.
With “puff” writ large on their brazen faces,
And who jabber and puff themselves into places.
But the yell that met this precious proposal
I las left this couple of seats at disposal.
Lastly, (I ’ve tired you out, I’m afraid),
A new Metropolitan district’s made,
Where Kensington’s haughty piles of stone
Unite with the seedy and snob-like Sloane.
And now all this, if you count, you ’ll see,
Allots the Members—just sixty-three.
Ellen. But sixty-six was the number you said.
Charles [delighted). Darling, you carry a quick little head.
The other three, there is no denyin’,
Are tossed as sops to the Scottish Lion.
Ellen. But do any new people get votes ?
Charles. Yes, shoals!
And will strangely alter the state of polls.
Anyone earning a hundred a-year.
Paid half-yearly, or quarterly, clear,
Or who takes his tin, economical fox,
Prom Government, Bank, or East India Stocks :
Or pays to Assessed or Income Taxes
j Porty shillings when Gladstone axes ;
i Or graduates where Abuse Matres conduct—
(Ellen. Like my brother Tom ?
INDUSTRY AND IDLENESS IN THE NAVY.
very day we read, “All is activity
at the dockyards ; ” but what is the
use of activity at the dockyards, if
there is nothing afloat but “gout”
and “ indisposition ? ” The following
paragraph is quite enlivening, and it
is really refreshing to contemplate
the vigour it seems to manifest:—
“ We learn from Chatham that the whole
of the artificers and labourers in that dock-
yard are now, with few exceptions, at full
swing upon the task and job system of work,
and earning from 5s. to 7s. per diem. The
progress made daily in building the Orion,
screw, 91, is manifest even to an unprofes-
sional eye, and the mechanics of all grades
seem, under the excitement of the change of
system, quite a new class of operatives. The
sails and rigging of the Meeanee, 80, are com-
plete, and she is ready for commissioning.”
This is all very satisfactory ; but when we come to read something
about the officers who are to be at the head of the working of all this
promising array of naval construction, we find such paragraphs as the
annexed to damp our patriotic aspirations
“ We hear Vice-Admiral the Hon. J. Percy, commanding at the Nore, is suffering
from an attack of gout.
“ Rear-Admiral Martin, superintendent of this dockyard, continues very unwell.
This is mosi unfortunate at this present moment.
“ C aptain Fremantle, of the Juno, is also indisposed.
“ Captain Sir Everard Home, Bart., C.B., of the Calliope, 26, senior officer on the
Australian and New Zealand station, is reported by the mail just in from that region
to have died at Sydney on the 2nd of November last. Captain Fremantle, in the
Juno, was going out to relieve him.”
With a gouty "commander at the Nore, an invalid superintendent of
the dockyard, and an indisposed captain of the Juno, we are in a rather
unpromising plight, from which we are not very efficiently extricated
by the additional intelligence that the captain already declared to be
“ indisposed ” is going out to Sydney to “ relieve ” a deceased senior
officer. We do not wonder at the Greenwich pensioners having been
j thought of as a desirable accession to our maritime strength, and indeed
looking at the age and infirmity of some of our admirals, we may regard
the Greenwich pensioners as so much comparatively “young blood”
infused into the navy.
Every one must be pleased to hear that England is ready to put forth
its “ old spirit,” but we cannot help lamenting that the “ old spirit ”
has not some rather newer bodies in which to deposit it.
Charles. Not quite—he was plucked.)
Or keeps fifty pounds in a Savings Bank
Eor just three years—comes into the rank.
Voting for county or borough either,
Whereas at present he claims for neither.
But here are the greatest changes of all.
And those which promise us battle and brawl.
The ten pound man who a living earns
IV here he likes (if not in a town that returns)
Has a county vote—we shall soon see whether
This will fuse the antagonist classes together.
And the borough rate, to meet working men,
Is, moreover, reduced to six from ten.
With smaller matters you needn’t be fashed,
The register’s final—freemen are smashed.
Rates and taxes need not be paid—
Ellen [delighted). I always said that law should be matte,
Eor, of all the cruel, exacting things,
Taxes and rates—
Charles. Our fancy’s wings
Must bear ns, darling, an awful height.
If they mean to take us from Gladstone’s sight.
Lord John’s relief, in tottle and whole.
Is, “ You need not pay before you poll.”
Well, now, I trust, my Eleanor finds,
She’s in force to astonish the Boroughbribe minds.
And the point yon should take—or two points, may be
In talking— [An unmistakable screech upstairs.
Ellen. Oh ! Charles, ring twice for baby.
[Charles rushes in wrath to the upstairs bell, and pulls as if he
were tearing at the cord of a bath, and wanted to bring down a
shower of babies. The heiress descends; and in an animated
controversy with Saunders whether the little angel really likes
sugar or not, Ellen forgets the duty of gratitude for the past,
and of attention for the future.
THE RULE OF THE WORLD WITH EXCEPTIONS.
A paragraph has been going the round of the papers having for its
title. The Rulers of the World, and giving an account of the number of
sovereigns, with the peculiar title of their sovereignty. From this we
ascertain that there are in the world two Rajahs, one Sultan, one
Schah, one Ameer, and another singular animal, denominated an
Imaum. The last of these living creatures would, no doubt, if_ trans-
ferred to the Zoological Gardens, share the public admiration with our
old friend the Hippopotamus. Eew have seen a live Imaum ; and, if
Muscat could spare its head for a single London season, we are sure
that the exhibition of the Imaum would do a great deal for the
Muscatese revenue.
By the way, we ought to protest against the omission of one or two
individuals, within our own knowledge, who have been omitted from
this list of “rulers of the world” rather unceremoniously. We have
been expecting to see a letter from the Beadle of the Lowiher Arcade,
or his super-excellency the (six feet) High Keeper of Golden Square,
both of whom might consider themselves on an equality with any
Schah, and would look upon the Ameer as a mere humbug. There is,
also, many a street keeper who is quite an Imaum in his own conceit,
and who when, with the air of a Pacha, he inflicts a lick of his cane,
feels as if he were at home in his own Pacha-lick. We hope, in the next
edition of the “Rulers of the World,” we shall find the names of a few
of those who rule in the great empire of Beadledom.
“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE OUT POOR IRELAND?”
Directly any new measure is proposed, you are sure to see an
enthusiastic Irishman jump up in his seat, and inquire indignantly if
the benefit of it is to be extended to Ireland. We should not be in
the least astonished, if a Bill was to be brought in for “ The Better
Management and General Improvement of the Thames Tunnel,” at
some wild Irishman springing forward, and gravely inquiring, “if
Ireland was to be included in the intended measure ? for if not, be
should bring all his influence to bear in opposition against it! ” We
really believe that if a Bill were proposed for “The Erection of Soup-
kitchens in the Metropolis for the Relief of the Briefless Barristers of
Lincoln’s Inn,” that these Hibernian zealots would object to it, unless
it could be proved that Carrickfergus, and Downpatrick, and Dungan-
non, and Kilkenny, and Tipperary, and Westmeath, and Youghal, were
specially brought within its provisions. We are positive they would
oppose the pulling-down of Temple Bar, because the removal would
be no kind of advantage to Sackville Street in Dublin !
Question of Universal Interest.—How much ?
I
The British Tar’s Motto -.—“Semper Hide'emE