Punch (27.1854)

130

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

THE CZAR'S WORST FEAR.

E consider the occupation
of the Crimea is nothing
to another invasion of
Russia which must take
place—and that when the
war is over. We may pitch
shot and shell into Sebas-
topol, and throw French
and English troops upon
the town and fortress : but
what is that to turning
loose some thousands of
heads, primed and loaded
with liberal notions, on
Russian soil? This we
shall do in sending back
the prisoners whom we have
taken from the enemy, in-
structed and educated by
their sojourn in England—
imbued with the ideas of
free men. What will Ni-
cholas do to avert this
blow ? No quarantine will
purify men from liberalism ;

will he order the vessel that shall convey them to their native country to be scuttled
and sunk, or command that they shall all be hanged or shot ? Really, in the event
of a peace, the best thing for the Russian prisoners to do will be to remain where
they are: they will have learned too much to be suffered to exist among their
countrymen by the Czar.

MONKEY'S ALLOWANCE.

A Boa Constrictor has, it seems, arrived lately at Liver-
pool, in good health and tolerable spirits. After having
eaten nothing for nearly five months it suddenly made a
mouthful of a live monkey. If this was only a prelimi-
nary snack, we recommend all monkeys to keep out of
the way, and we congratulate the powder monkey on his
fortunate escape, for the boa constrictor luckily had no
appetite on the voyage. We are told that the animal was
" at large among the oargo " for fifty-eight days, but we
have not heard that he bolted any of the luggage. Sup-
posing the beast to have spared the limbs, we wonder he
did not swallow the trunk of a passenger.

A Political Shawl.

We are told that, when the Empress of the French
visits England, she will appear in a shawl, worth forty
thousand francs, with the arms of England and France
woven in lace. This to be typical of the coming free trade
in thread and cotton. Punch's own correspondent observes,
in addition, that the Emperor's dress waistcoat will be
ornamented with a border of corkscrews and grape-vines;
as emblematic of his intention of throwing open France to
English steel, that England may, in return, take cheap
French wine. This is authentic.

Water-Drinking Songs.— We observe that 'Tem-
perance Melodies " are advertised. Are the tunes selected
from Handel's Water Music ?

AN ACT

For the Abolition of a certain Nuisance, now being largely practised by
Performers, Amateurs, Singers (Professional as icell as Private),
and young Gentlemen generally of a facetious and persecuting turn.

<L2S?§C£3£l(££l,g) it has lately become the babit of many hundreds of
louR Majesty's subjects—authors, reporters, guardsmen, performers,
officers, singers at the Cider Cellars and evening Parties, apprentices,
shopboys, "Old Boys," and other boys, and young gentlemen of all
ranks and grades and degrades of life—to indulge in a certain imitation
of Mr. Charles Kean, which is excessively unpleasant when it is not
exact, and is still more so when it is:

Unif ZSISftereag it has also been the habit for several months past, of
the above-mentioned individuals, and many more equally infatuated, or
perversly inclined, to indulge in those same imitations at all times and
plaees, when they are neither wanted, expected, called for, or agreeable
—so much so, that it has lately become positively dangerous and un-
pleasant to go to the Theatre, or to make any allusion in Society to the
Stage, for fear of having that eternal imitation dinned into your ears :

&trtl £?Sf)Erea3 such a habit must, if illiberally pursued, necessarily
tend, in point of time, to bring into disrepute a great actor who enjoys
the patronage of the Court, and has done so much to improve and
elevate the Drama, and may also, if not stopped, have the further un-
happy effect of throwing an undeserved slur upon his universally-
admitted talent, to say nothing of his genius :

May it therefore please Your Majesty that it be enacted: Slnif fie
tt G&nactea" that henceforth each actor in burlesque or otherwise, so
offending against good taste, be considered unpardonably guilty of a
jreat breach of manners, and for each such offence his salary be st opped
for the evening; and, moreover, if he be convicted of more than three
such offences then that no mercy be shown to him, but that his engage-
ment be, ipso malo, forfeited, and the stage doors of all other theatres be
closed in his face, without benefit, even, of any Saloon, Tavern, or the
Princess's:

STntf fie tt further <£nacte3j that each individual so offending in
private, and not having even the common excuse of a poor actor, of
getting his livelihood by the atrocity, be, the moment he begins with
cNow isht the winterre of our dishcontent," &c. &c, instantly ejected
from the room, and thenceforth without further ado, sent to Coventry
by all his friends and acquaintances, as being a man of perverted tastes
and vulgar propensities, with whom it be lowerisg to one's self-respect
to associate, and, moreover, if such misguided individual will persist in
the same line of general annoyance, that anyone be at liberty to give
him into custodv for endeavouring to incite Her Majesty's subjects
to commit a violation of the peace :

gnif fie tt further (£nactctr that for each such offence, fully proved
before a Magistrate, the lowest penalty be a fine of five pounds, or a
month's imprisonment in one of Her Majesty's Houses of Correction.

SKETCH ON THE BEACH, NOT A HUNDRED MILES FROM

BROADSTAIRS.

how smith appeared in his new boots after bathing.

Thanksgiving ki Spain.

It is said that a form of public thanksgiving for the expulsion of
Queen Christina, and other blessings to the Spanish people, is about
to be ordered, and that with a quick and honourable sense of what is
due to the foreign creditor, Espartero has commanded the thanksgiving
to begin with these words—"Let us pay."