DOI Heft:
August 25, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0093
August 23, 1855.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
SI
tlie carpets—the good?, as in his trade dialect he called those woven
fabrics—had been delivered to the King; and the Kins had vouchsafed
no word to the man whom with his royal commission he had delighted
to honour. "-,
The islander—with a brutality that a love ci truth compels us to own,
too much distinguishes the travelled Briton—resolved to write a letter
to trie Kin?. Yes: the sordid Lutheran determined to tell unto Re
Bomba, a bit of his carpet-dealing mind. With this thought, he took
his way to his Hotel.
Arrived at his hostelry—his faithful dog still bearing him comoany—
he beheid at the door a waggon, blazing with the arms of Naples.
Now, in this van, or waggon, were the carpets returned to the carpet-
maker. Of a verity, the carpet thrown back upon the carpet-maker's
hands.
chapter v.
It were vain to hope to paint the dismay, the rage, of the carpet-
maker. He called down not a shower of manna on the anointed head of
Boilba the King. He vehemently swore; but, with a craftiness that
characterised the tradesman, he swore in English. Whereupon, the
faithful servants of Boaiba the King let him swear his belly empty,
and arrested him not.
"What was wrong in the carpets?" "Did they think he'd be
swindled ? " " He, a free-born Briton ! " " He, who was represented
in his own British parliament! " " He, who was never born to be a
slave!" "To come to Naples to be robbed—plundered—bamboozled
—and that, too, by a—a--"
But, as we have said, felicitously for the ferocious Briton, he raved
and swore in his mother-tongue; and the officers and the King's
servants hindered him not.
Of what availed it, that he commanded the ragamuffins about him to
I set him face to face with the Majesty of Naples ! Of what availed it,
that he demanded to know in wImt whir, tittle, or particular, the carpets
differed from the order given. They were woven even as commanded ;
and the arms of Bourbon and of Naples--
(The Bourbon arms ! How much blood has gone to paint them!
How much more blood of man, woman, and child; blood in the dungeon ;
blood at the wine-feast; blood on the scaffold; blood in the chamber,
to paint the blazonment, that still blackening and blackening in heaven's
air, will have more blood to keep it fresh. But, to return to our Briton,
perspiring, and ever, as he utters the sacred name of Boaiba the King,
shaking his clenched and parricidal fists.)
The carpets were shot down at the door of the hostelry ; they had
been looked upon by the eye of the King, and the King in his heart
spat upon them.
And now, the carpets being rejected of the sovereign, the law of
Naples required of the British islander to pay upon the British woven
fabrics the duty of import. The Briton had brought carpets into the
kingdom of Naples, and Naples was not to be fobbed of her due ; for it
is known that Naples has her duties, even as no Neapolitan has his
rights.
"Pay import duty ! Be robbed! No, the bold Briton would go to
prison. He would rot with pleasure in a dungeon first." And
then, exhausted by the expression of his unflinching firmness, the
Baton paid the cash.
chapter VI.
The Times newspaper, gashed by the stiletto of the Neapolitan
censor, lay upon the table of the Hotel Victoria. That sheet, called up
all the home feelings of our wanderer. He looked at the "Births,"—
he knew not why, for he had no expectations. He read the "Mar-
riages,"—idleness all, for was he not already wedded ? He paused at
the "Deaths;" but somehow nothing cheered him. And again and
again home-sickness pressed upon him, and he felt his heart-strings
twitched towards the sea.
He would pco: he would shake from his polluted shoes the dust of
Naples, and England should ring with his wiongs ; and—he would take
his carpets with him.
Sunny Naples is the land of the free. The Briton might depart—he
might even take his carpets with him; but ere departing with his
carpets, he must pay the state tax for the removal of the merchandise-
yea, the duty on export.
Vesuvius never poured forth streams more consuming in their fierce-
ness and fury than the volcanic Briton ejected at the paternal govern-
ment of Naples.
No, he would not be swindled a second time; he would even at an
alarming sacrifice sell the cirpets—sell them in the broad daylight by
public auction.
chapter VII.
The day came. The mart was crowded. The carpet-pieces were
displayed; and great and general was the praise of the fabrics, glowing
like flowers. _ But of what use to the private modest Neapolitan citizen ?
How could his foot trample upon the Bourbon arms? As well think to
put. his shoe-leather on the anointed neck of II Re Bomba assoluto.
Who would raffle for an elephant ? Who would put into a lottery
for a knot of rattle-snakes? Who would draw chances for a hippo-
potamus ? Surely, no private man or woman.
Who, we ask, would bid for carpets—enriched and solemnised with
the Bourbon arms, the arms of Naples? Is there not constructive
treason in the very thought of a bidding ?
Even so. Hence, the carpets where put up, and no voice dared to
make an offer.
At last one man took courage. He made a bidding; a low and
modest bidding. But the auctioneer smiled, nodded his head, and was
satisfied ; for to the amazement of Ike vulgar Briton, the auctioneer
knocked down the carpets for an old song; and that a Neapolitan one.
And who was the fortunate purchaser ? Surely no private man—no-
private woman ? No.
The carpets were bought by an officer in the household of his sacred
Majesty Bomba II Re !
chapter viii.
Curious are the coincidences of this our human life. The happy
visitor, ennobled by a passing privilege to visit the palace of the King
of Naples, may behold in every room every carpet-piece (a great bargain)
as at first commanded by his Most Catholic Majesty of that mosj
Lutheran carper-maker !
PALMERSTON'S BLAZE OF TRIUMPH!
THE COCKNEY MALAKHOFF.
The storming of Sebastopol at Cremorne the other day, by the
Grenadier Guirds and Artillery, seems to have been very much like the
real thing. Actual wounds and broken bones, at least, appear to have
attended that gallant affair, and if there was no mine under the soldiers'
feet to blow them up, it appears that they stood on a footing which
proved almost equally dangerous by letting them down. The brave
who fell in the Crimea are more than sufficiently numerous, and
England cannot afford men to tumble at Cremorne, unless they do so-
in the capacity of clowns and harlequins, and without the risk of
breaking their necks. _ It is to be hoped that the public taste is too.
good to demand exhibitions of this kind—otherwise one would not
wonder at Mr. Simpson's catering for it, any more than at his sup-
plying them with carrion, if they preferred that to ordinary cold meat.
The thought of those who are dying and suffering for our ease and
comfort is not a very agreeable one, and anybody must have a queer kind
of heart who can enjoy a scene of sham carnage in a pleasure-ground,
Police.—Bow Street.
Extraordinary Case.—Yesterday, Mr. Hall took his seat upon
the bench ; and, although a proved Englishman, was not " drunk to a
certainty."
A CARD.
THE RIGHT HON. W. E. GLADSTONE, Artist in Hatr (late
-L Chancellor of Han Majesty's Exchequer). Hairs carefully Split with any degree
of minutenebs that iLay he required. N B. Hair-Splitter to his Holiness Pics IX., 4he
Roman Pontiff: also to Alkiandkk II. Emperor of all the Kubsias.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
SI
tlie carpets—the good?, as in his trade dialect he called those woven
fabrics—had been delivered to the King; and the Kins had vouchsafed
no word to the man whom with his royal commission he had delighted
to honour. "-,
The islander—with a brutality that a love ci truth compels us to own,
too much distinguishes the travelled Briton—resolved to write a letter
to trie Kin?. Yes: the sordid Lutheran determined to tell unto Re
Bomba, a bit of his carpet-dealing mind. With this thought, he took
his way to his Hotel.
Arrived at his hostelry—his faithful dog still bearing him comoany—
he beheid at the door a waggon, blazing with the arms of Naples.
Now, in this van, or waggon, were the carpets returned to the carpet-
maker. Of a verity, the carpet thrown back upon the carpet-maker's
hands.
chapter v.
It were vain to hope to paint the dismay, the rage, of the carpet-
maker. He called down not a shower of manna on the anointed head of
Boilba the King. He vehemently swore; but, with a craftiness that
characterised the tradesman, he swore in English. Whereupon, the
faithful servants of Boaiba the King let him swear his belly empty,
and arrested him not.
"What was wrong in the carpets?" "Did they think he'd be
swindled ? " " He, a free-born Briton ! " " He, who was represented
in his own British parliament! " " He, who was never born to be a
slave!" "To come to Naples to be robbed—plundered—bamboozled
—and that, too, by a—a--"
But, as we have said, felicitously for the ferocious Briton, he raved
and swore in his mother-tongue; and the officers and the King's
servants hindered him not.
Of what availed it, that he commanded the ragamuffins about him to
I set him face to face with the Majesty of Naples ! Of what availed it,
that he demanded to know in wImt whir, tittle, or particular, the carpets
differed from the order given. They were woven even as commanded ;
and the arms of Bourbon and of Naples--
(The Bourbon arms ! How much blood has gone to paint them!
How much more blood of man, woman, and child; blood in the dungeon ;
blood at the wine-feast; blood on the scaffold; blood in the chamber,
to paint the blazonment, that still blackening and blackening in heaven's
air, will have more blood to keep it fresh. But, to return to our Briton,
perspiring, and ever, as he utters the sacred name of Boaiba the King,
shaking his clenched and parricidal fists.)
The carpets were shot down at the door of the hostelry ; they had
been looked upon by the eye of the King, and the King in his heart
spat upon them.
And now, the carpets being rejected of the sovereign, the law of
Naples required of the British islander to pay upon the British woven
fabrics the duty of import. The Briton had brought carpets into the
kingdom of Naples, and Naples was not to be fobbed of her due ; for it
is known that Naples has her duties, even as no Neapolitan has his
rights.
"Pay import duty ! Be robbed! No, the bold Briton would go to
prison. He would rot with pleasure in a dungeon first." And
then, exhausted by the expression of his unflinching firmness, the
Baton paid the cash.
chapter VI.
The Times newspaper, gashed by the stiletto of the Neapolitan
censor, lay upon the table of the Hotel Victoria. That sheet, called up
all the home feelings of our wanderer. He looked at the "Births,"—
he knew not why, for he had no expectations. He read the "Mar-
riages,"—idleness all, for was he not already wedded ? He paused at
the "Deaths;" but somehow nothing cheered him. And again and
again home-sickness pressed upon him, and he felt his heart-strings
twitched towards the sea.
He would pco: he would shake from his polluted shoes the dust of
Naples, and England should ring with his wiongs ; and—he would take
his carpets with him.
Sunny Naples is the land of the free. The Briton might depart—he
might even take his carpets with him; but ere departing with his
carpets, he must pay the state tax for the removal of the merchandise-
yea, the duty on export.
Vesuvius never poured forth streams more consuming in their fierce-
ness and fury than the volcanic Briton ejected at the paternal govern-
ment of Naples.
No, he would not be swindled a second time; he would even at an
alarming sacrifice sell the cirpets—sell them in the broad daylight by
public auction.
chapter VII.
The day came. The mart was crowded. The carpet-pieces were
displayed; and great and general was the praise of the fabrics, glowing
like flowers. _ But of what use to the private modest Neapolitan citizen ?
How could his foot trample upon the Bourbon arms? As well think to
put. his shoe-leather on the anointed neck of II Re Bomba assoluto.
Who would raffle for an elephant ? Who would put into a lottery
for a knot of rattle-snakes? Who would draw chances for a hippo-
potamus ? Surely, no private man or woman.
Who, we ask, would bid for carpets—enriched and solemnised with
the Bourbon arms, the arms of Naples? Is there not constructive
treason in the very thought of a bidding ?
Even so. Hence, the carpets where put up, and no voice dared to
make an offer.
At last one man took courage. He made a bidding; a low and
modest bidding. But the auctioneer smiled, nodded his head, and was
satisfied ; for to the amazement of Ike vulgar Briton, the auctioneer
knocked down the carpets for an old song; and that a Neapolitan one.
And who was the fortunate purchaser ? Surely no private man—no-
private woman ? No.
The carpets were bought by an officer in the household of his sacred
Majesty Bomba II Re !
chapter viii.
Curious are the coincidences of this our human life. The happy
visitor, ennobled by a passing privilege to visit the palace of the King
of Naples, may behold in every room every carpet-piece (a great bargain)
as at first commanded by his Most Catholic Majesty of that mosj
Lutheran carper-maker !
PALMERSTON'S BLAZE OF TRIUMPH!
THE COCKNEY MALAKHOFF.
The storming of Sebastopol at Cremorne the other day, by the
Grenadier Guirds and Artillery, seems to have been very much like the
real thing. Actual wounds and broken bones, at least, appear to have
attended that gallant affair, and if there was no mine under the soldiers'
feet to blow them up, it appears that they stood on a footing which
proved almost equally dangerous by letting them down. The brave
who fell in the Crimea are more than sufficiently numerous, and
England cannot afford men to tumble at Cremorne, unless they do so-
in the capacity of clowns and harlequins, and without the risk of
breaking their necks. _ It is to be hoped that the public taste is too.
good to demand exhibitions of this kind—otherwise one would not
wonder at Mr. Simpson's catering for it, any more than at his sup-
plying them with carrion, if they preferred that to ordinary cold meat.
The thought of those who are dying and suffering for our ease and
comfort is not a very agreeable one, and anybody must have a queer kind
of heart who can enjoy a scene of sham carnage in a pleasure-ground,
Police.—Bow Street.
Extraordinary Case.—Yesterday, Mr. Hall took his seat upon
the bench ; and, although a proved Englishman, was not " drunk to a
certainty."
A CARD.
THE RIGHT HON. W. E. GLADSTONE, Artist in Hatr (late
-L Chancellor of Han Majesty's Exchequer). Hairs carefully Split with any degree
of minutenebs that iLay he required. N B. Hair-Splitter to his Holiness Pics IX., 4he
Roman Pontiff: also to Alkiandkk II. Emperor of all the Kubsias.