DOI Heft:
September 29, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0143
September 29, 1855.]
131
fearful aspect. In expanding his mouth, he exhibits a blood-red cavity, lorrible to look
A CRUSADE AGAINST THE BUTCHERS. .at, and the air rushes forthwith d heavy short puff."
| There is this advantage in the last faculty of the Great Water-Snake;
Somebody is en- for dealing in "heavy, short puffs," he will be able to write his own
deavouring to get advertisements from the Museum in the Broadway. The "slime, that
up a movement to a quarter of an inch thick covers his body," will supply him with ink :
bring the grazier the supply, moreover, is inexhaustible ; for " if removed, is instantly
and the consumer replaced by exudation."
into connection We have solicited the scientific opinion of the first naturalist of the
without the in- day—need we name him—as io the classification to which this Water-
tervention of the Snake is clue ; and have received the following brief summary—" It is
butcher. We are ; my opinion, from the description supplied me of the Water-Snake, that
not generally fa-. it is only a huge specimen of a monstrous sea-calf, resulting from a
vourable to the "cock-and-a-bull and a nightmare." There can be little doubt of the
employment of a 1 proprietorship of the parents : the cock-and-a-bull and the nightmare
middle man, but j being indubitably the property of Mr. Barntjm ; and the wiitten
we must say, that \ account thereof one of his heavy, t ut not veiy short, puffs,
if every one were j
obliged to kill his
own mutton, very
few would enjoy
the luxury of eat
THE SANHEDRIM OF WORCESTER.
fore feel that it is rather premature to recommend the abolition of the
butcher, as an intermediate agent between the owner of the animal and
the individual who eats it. We confess we should feel considerable
inconvenience in having to kill the whole of our animal food, and we
are quite sure that not one of our readers, who might wish for a pound of
steak, would feel disposed to purchase and slaughter an entire bullock.
Such, however, would be the case if the butcher were to be abolished, and
every transaction in meat were to be an affair between the grazier and
the consumer. It would be hard, indeed, if one could not indulge in a
pork chop without buying an entire pig, which would be going the
whole hog in a most unequivocal manner.
What Pharisees and hypocrites abound on every side,
ing it _ We there- j pUff'd up with authority arid insolence and pride !
Poor old Nathaniel Williams, of Alfrick, has been fined
By a bench of Worcester magistrates belonging to that kind.
CAPTURE OF THE GREAT AMERICAN
WATER-SNAKE.
We may now very soon look for the capture of the Sea Serpent,
seeing that as a sort of instalment of the " take," the dwellers on the
Silver Lake, near Perry Village, New York, did on the 12th of August
harpoon and haul to land the Great American Water-Snake! There
can be no doubt of the interesting fact, all the circumstances being
detailed with that precision, that delicacy of touch, that so distinguishes
every American record of wonders and triumphs. When Niagara sub-
sided to a dead level, what other quill, save a quill from_ the American
eagle, could so truly have painted the catastrophe. A kindred pen—a
pen from the same pinion—traces the last moments of the Great
American Water-Snake. The Snake, in an evil hour for himself,
appeared to the whalemen provided with a harpoon. He was laying
" quiescent on the surface," when—
" The iron whistled in the air, and went deep into his body!"
Under these circumstances, prolonged quiescence was not to be
expected ; assuredly not. Therefore—
Five shillings they inflicted, and twelve and tenpence more,
Eor costs, which is a heavy sum in case a man is poor;
And what do you imagine, now, was old Nathaniel's crime?
Why cutting wheat on Sunday, in stress and want of time.
From morn till night was Williams engaged in daily toil,
The little piece of wheat, his own, would have been sure to spoil
[n case be had not cut it upon the Sabbath day.
Eor which the sham-Jew magistrates condemn'd the man to pay.
If one of these strict Rabbis an ox or ass possess'd
That tumbled down a sink or well upon the Day of Rest,
Till twelve o'clock at night there, of course, they'd let him lie,
And leave the brute to take his chance—most probably to die.
The noses of these justices are very likely red,
Their veins perhaps would mostly run port wine if they were bled ;
They fill their bellies daily with the very best of meat,
And they fined this man for cutting on Sunday food to eat.
Some eighteen hundred years and more ago had they been born,
They might have punish'd other men just so for plucking corn ;
Who, through some fields in Palestine, when hungry, on their way,
Began to pluck the ears of corn upon the Sabbath Day.
A FULL MOON MADE PULLER.
It is very hard that a Lokd Mayor, cannot go anywhere, even to
visit a private friend, without his being at once treated as a goose,
and stuffed accordingly. The other day Lord Mayor Moon went to
see an old acquaintance in a quiet way at Congleton, when the inhabi-
tnstantiy the whole length of snake lashed the air i" ! tants of the place insisted upon blowing him out with a quantity of
cakes, for which it seems the neighbourhood is remarkable. We really
think the Corporation should protest against the notion that its head is
all mouth, and that the Lord Mayor is ready to perform a series of
disgusting feats of gormandising wherever he presents himself.
It is, moreover, especially hard that when the City potentate rushes
out of London to take breath, after the continued consumption of green
and other fats, he should be taken as it were by the throat, and
crammed with the puffy, stuffy cakes of sweet-toothed Congleton. We
have never had an opportunity of analysing a Congleton cake, but we
are quite sure that any kind of paste must lie heavily on any part of
such a Corporation as that of the City of London.
That is, the snake bird-like raised its whole body in vacancy; but
only for a while, for he darted off, almost dragging the boat under
water. However, in due season, he was hauled to land, when, as was
.very natural on their part—
" Four or five ladies fainted on seeing the snake, who, although ashore, lashed his
body into tremendous folds, and then straightened himself out in agony, with a noise
that made the earth tremble."
Barntjm himself had shaken in his shoes at such a snake-quake.
And now follows a most interesting description of the victim:
"He is fifty-nine feet ei^ht inches in length, and has a most disgusting look. A
slime a quarter of an inch thick covers his body, and if removed is instantly replaced
by exudation. The body is variable in size. The head is the size of a full-grown calf."
In fact, exactly the size of the heads of the believers in the Eejee
mermaid and in Washington's negress nurse.
"Within eight feet of the head, the neck gradually swells to the thickness of a foot
in diameter. It then tapers down, and again gradually swells to a diameter of two feet
in the centre, giving above six teet girth. It then tapers off towards the tail and ends
in a fin, which can expand in Jan shape three feet across or close in a shr.ath. Double
rows of fins are alternately placed along the belly."
The " fan-snaped fin " mast have some affinity to the mermaid; whilst
the " sheath" would imply, at least, a distant relation to the sword-fish :
" The head is most singular. The eyes are large, staring, and terrific, with a trans-
parent membrane attached to the lids, protecting the eye without impeding the vision.
No Kills appear. The rnouth is like that of the fish called a sucker. It can stretch so
as to swallow a body a foot and a half in diameter."
In fact, about the same capacity of swallow as that required of the
docile and elastic reader.
" When he rears his head (which he generally keeps under water) he presents a
EMPLOYMENT EOR WOMEN.
We want two or three Women Judges, Eemale Juries, and Lady-iike
Barristers to try and adjudicate certain evil-doers, whose sins are not
duly appreciated by mere men. Further, we want a prison with a
Eemale Governor, and Female Turnkeys. Among the most efficient
troops of the King oe Dahomey is his regiment of Amazons; a
very terror to his enemies. Considering this, Mr. Punch proposes, that
all brutes guilty of beating their wives, should be committed by Lady
Magistrates, tried before a Lady Chief-Justice, convicted by Gentle-
women of the Jury ; and wheu sentenced, to be given into the custody
of strong-minded women. Punishment upon marital brutes will never
be duly carried out, unless by functionaries chosen from the sex so
cryingly outraged. To the hands of the avenging Beauties would we
render up all the offending Beasts.
131
fearful aspect. In expanding his mouth, he exhibits a blood-red cavity, lorrible to look
A CRUSADE AGAINST THE BUTCHERS. .at, and the air rushes forthwith d heavy short puff."
| There is this advantage in the last faculty of the Great Water-Snake;
Somebody is en- for dealing in "heavy, short puffs," he will be able to write his own
deavouring to get advertisements from the Museum in the Broadway. The "slime, that
up a movement to a quarter of an inch thick covers his body," will supply him with ink :
bring the grazier the supply, moreover, is inexhaustible ; for " if removed, is instantly
and the consumer replaced by exudation."
into connection We have solicited the scientific opinion of the first naturalist of the
without the in- day—need we name him—as io the classification to which this Water-
tervention of the Snake is clue ; and have received the following brief summary—" It is
butcher. We are ; my opinion, from the description supplied me of the Water-Snake, that
not generally fa-. it is only a huge specimen of a monstrous sea-calf, resulting from a
vourable to the "cock-and-a-bull and a nightmare." There can be little doubt of the
employment of a 1 proprietorship of the parents : the cock-and-a-bull and the nightmare
middle man, but j being indubitably the property of Mr. Barntjm ; and the wiitten
we must say, that \ account thereof one of his heavy, t ut not veiy short, puffs,
if every one were j
obliged to kill his
own mutton, very
few would enjoy
the luxury of eat
THE SANHEDRIM OF WORCESTER.
fore feel that it is rather premature to recommend the abolition of the
butcher, as an intermediate agent between the owner of the animal and
the individual who eats it. We confess we should feel considerable
inconvenience in having to kill the whole of our animal food, and we
are quite sure that not one of our readers, who might wish for a pound of
steak, would feel disposed to purchase and slaughter an entire bullock.
Such, however, would be the case if the butcher were to be abolished, and
every transaction in meat were to be an affair between the grazier and
the consumer. It would be hard, indeed, if one could not indulge in a
pork chop without buying an entire pig, which would be going the
whole hog in a most unequivocal manner.
What Pharisees and hypocrites abound on every side,
ing it _ We there- j pUff'd up with authority arid insolence and pride !
Poor old Nathaniel Williams, of Alfrick, has been fined
By a bench of Worcester magistrates belonging to that kind.
CAPTURE OF THE GREAT AMERICAN
WATER-SNAKE.
We may now very soon look for the capture of the Sea Serpent,
seeing that as a sort of instalment of the " take," the dwellers on the
Silver Lake, near Perry Village, New York, did on the 12th of August
harpoon and haul to land the Great American Water-Snake! There
can be no doubt of the interesting fact, all the circumstances being
detailed with that precision, that delicacy of touch, that so distinguishes
every American record of wonders and triumphs. When Niagara sub-
sided to a dead level, what other quill, save a quill from_ the American
eagle, could so truly have painted the catastrophe. A kindred pen—a
pen from the same pinion—traces the last moments of the Great
American Water-Snake. The Snake, in an evil hour for himself,
appeared to the whalemen provided with a harpoon. He was laying
" quiescent on the surface," when—
" The iron whistled in the air, and went deep into his body!"
Under these circumstances, prolonged quiescence was not to be
expected ; assuredly not. Therefore—
Five shillings they inflicted, and twelve and tenpence more,
Eor costs, which is a heavy sum in case a man is poor;
And what do you imagine, now, was old Nathaniel's crime?
Why cutting wheat on Sunday, in stress and want of time.
From morn till night was Williams engaged in daily toil,
The little piece of wheat, his own, would have been sure to spoil
[n case be had not cut it upon the Sabbath day.
Eor which the sham-Jew magistrates condemn'd the man to pay.
If one of these strict Rabbis an ox or ass possess'd
That tumbled down a sink or well upon the Day of Rest,
Till twelve o'clock at night there, of course, they'd let him lie,
And leave the brute to take his chance—most probably to die.
The noses of these justices are very likely red,
Their veins perhaps would mostly run port wine if they were bled ;
They fill their bellies daily with the very best of meat,
And they fined this man for cutting on Sunday food to eat.
Some eighteen hundred years and more ago had they been born,
They might have punish'd other men just so for plucking corn ;
Who, through some fields in Palestine, when hungry, on their way,
Began to pluck the ears of corn upon the Sabbath Day.
A FULL MOON MADE PULLER.
It is very hard that a Lokd Mayor, cannot go anywhere, even to
visit a private friend, without his being at once treated as a goose,
and stuffed accordingly. The other day Lord Mayor Moon went to
see an old acquaintance in a quiet way at Congleton, when the inhabi-
tnstantiy the whole length of snake lashed the air i" ! tants of the place insisted upon blowing him out with a quantity of
cakes, for which it seems the neighbourhood is remarkable. We really
think the Corporation should protest against the notion that its head is
all mouth, and that the Lord Mayor is ready to perform a series of
disgusting feats of gormandising wherever he presents himself.
It is, moreover, especially hard that when the City potentate rushes
out of London to take breath, after the continued consumption of green
and other fats, he should be taken as it were by the throat, and
crammed with the puffy, stuffy cakes of sweet-toothed Congleton. We
have never had an opportunity of analysing a Congleton cake, but we
are quite sure that any kind of paste must lie heavily on any part of
such a Corporation as that of the City of London.
That is, the snake bird-like raised its whole body in vacancy; but
only for a while, for he darted off, almost dragging the boat under
water. However, in due season, he was hauled to land, when, as was
.very natural on their part—
" Four or five ladies fainted on seeing the snake, who, although ashore, lashed his
body into tremendous folds, and then straightened himself out in agony, with a noise
that made the earth tremble."
Barntjm himself had shaken in his shoes at such a snake-quake.
And now follows a most interesting description of the victim:
"He is fifty-nine feet ei^ht inches in length, and has a most disgusting look. A
slime a quarter of an inch thick covers his body, and if removed is instantly replaced
by exudation. The body is variable in size. The head is the size of a full-grown calf."
In fact, exactly the size of the heads of the believers in the Eejee
mermaid and in Washington's negress nurse.
"Within eight feet of the head, the neck gradually swells to the thickness of a foot
in diameter. It then tapers down, and again gradually swells to a diameter of two feet
in the centre, giving above six teet girth. It then tapers off towards the tail and ends
in a fin, which can expand in Jan shape three feet across or close in a shr.ath. Double
rows of fins are alternately placed along the belly."
The " fan-snaped fin " mast have some affinity to the mermaid; whilst
the " sheath" would imply, at least, a distant relation to the sword-fish :
" The head is most singular. The eyes are large, staring, and terrific, with a trans-
parent membrane attached to the lids, protecting the eye without impeding the vision.
No Kills appear. The rnouth is like that of the fish called a sucker. It can stretch so
as to swallow a body a foot and a half in diameter."
In fact, about the same capacity of swallow as that required of the
docile and elastic reader.
" When he rears his head (which he generally keeps under water) he presents a
EMPLOYMENT EOR WOMEN.
We want two or three Women Judges, Eemale Juries, and Lady-iike
Barristers to try and adjudicate certain evil-doers, whose sins are not
duly appreciated by mere men. Further, we want a prison with a
Eemale Governor, and Female Turnkeys. Among the most efficient
troops of the King oe Dahomey is his regiment of Amazons; a
very terror to his enemies. Considering this, Mr. Punch proposes, that
all brutes guilty of beating their wives, should be committed by Lady
Magistrates, tried before a Lady Chief-Justice, convicted by Gentle-
women of the Jury ; and wheu sentenced, to be given into the custody
of strong-minded women. Punishment upon marital brutes will never
be duly carried out, unless by functionaries chosen from the sex so
cryingly outraged. To the hands of the avenging Beauties would we
render up all the offending Beasts.