DOI issue:
September 29, 1855
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0144
132
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 29, 1855.
THE TAGGING SYSTEM.—TBIUMPH OF MIND OVER MATTER.
Old Gent. "And pray who is tour friend with the Coffee Pot?"
Small Boy. "That? Oh! He's my Fag—He gets me my Breakfast and such
like, but i always leave him some crumpets—and—NEVER BVLLY HIM.'"
KNIGHTHOOD OF THE STEAM-BATH.
The Order of the Bath is an order of chivalry almost as
oddly Darned as the Order of the Garter. One would think
it should rather be the reward of dirty doings than of noble
deeds. The Order of the Bath is a very proper sequence
of a committal to the House of Correction, and shameful
behaviour is suitably requited with a ducking. A warm
bath is a very good and a very comfortable thing; but so
is a sofa, so is an arm-chair, so is a hot-water bottle, so are
many other domestic conveniences, which, in relation to
warlike achievements, or any other grand exploits and
magnanimous actions, are simply absurd. What sort of a
Bath can that be, the Order of which is esteemed a fitting
recompense for the valour of the heroes who fought before
Sebastopol ?
It appears to be a Vapour Bath, a Bath designed to
promote perspiration. Warriors, by means thereof are
subjected to that process to which certain Semitic persons
are accused of being accust omed to subject sovereigns, and
with similar results. Admission into the Order of the Bath
costs the Knight Grand Cross £164 13s. id, • that is to say,
the Knight on whom that honour is conferred is let into
it for that amount. This money is distributed among
various persons employed about the Bath. A head man
called Bath-King-at-Arms, for example, sacks two separate
portions of it, amounting together to £28 13s. id. The
Dean of the Order pockets £22 6s. 8d.; the Gentleman
Usher nets the same sum. The Messenger walks off with
£18 13s. 4d., the Secretary sweeps up £6 13s. id. The
Registrar and Genealogist come in for £22 a-piece. One
would suppose that the service rendered by these persons
consists in shampooing the Knight; they appear to do
that effectually, for they certainly squeeze a great deal out
of him.
What does a man get, then, for bleeding for his country
who gets the Order of the Bath ? He gets antiphlogistic
treatment. Having lost blood, he has to swallow a
sudorific.
A Generous Enemy.
Prince Gortschakoff takes credit to himself and his
troops for having rendered Sebastopol a heap of " blood-
stained ruins " for the reception of the Allies. We are very
much obliged to him.
A BARGAIN ON HORSEBACK.
We are always happy to assist in the elucidaiing a problem; and,
although we think that the following inquiry should have been repub-
lished by our excellent contemporary, Notes and Queries, rather than by
Mr. Punch, still, we cheerfully submit it for the consideration of the
world. The demand originally appeared in the Stamford Mercury. The
names of the parties not seeming to affect the interesting inquiry in
question, we substitute asterisks, in order that the philosophical world
may proceed, unimpassioned, to the abstract problem.
CAUTION!
WHERE AS I, * * * * of * * * * Farmer, on the 10th day of
' » September, 1855, sold to Mr. " * * * * * * * of * * * * fanner, all my old
Wheat, at £5 per quarter, and he wished me to get off my horse to sign the bargain,
which I did ; and then, after it was wrote, he refused to sign !—Is that a Gentleman, or
what? (Signed; **** *«**.
We would rather abstain from giving our own opinion at the present
stage of the investigation ; but we incline to the conviction, that that
is rather to be considered a pronoun than a gentleman ; and we cannot
at all assent to the view that it is what. Oilier interesting points arise
on considering the above advertisement. It may be surmised from the
allusion to the horse, that the advertiser was smoking, and that the
other party told him he was welcome to a light. The word " wrote,"
would seem out of place, but (the subject being agricultural) may have
something to do with the wrotation of crops. But the mystery deepens
as we proceed ; and we invite everyone to forward speculations on the
topic, distinctly pledging ourselves that none of them shall be inserted.
ROUT OUT OE A ROBBER'S DEN.
ere is the inventory
as published by the
Mouiteur, of the naval
and military goods and
chattels left behind
by the Russians at
bastopol:
"Cannon, 4,000: Ditto
Balls, 50,000; Hollow Pro-
jectiles, a few; Grape, a
large quantity; Gunpow-
der, a great amount; Cop-
per, 25,000 kilogrammes;
Steam engines, 36-horse
power, two; Blindages, a
considerable number.
As the items above
enumerated are to
pistols, pistol-bullets,
bullet-moulds, slugs,
jemmy, centre-bit,
picklocks, lucifer-
matches, and black
vizards, so is Sebas-
topol to the den oi
a burglar, and so is
the Emperor of all the Russias to Bill Sik.es.
Bomba in want of a Barber.
Bo jib a should get his head shaved. His frenzy might then abate,
1 and his outrageous conduct cease. In that case he would be spared a
; more serious retrenchment, as his subjects would be satisfied with his
! loss of his hair.
The Flag that has not Braved Anything.
All the Prussian Flags are to be called in, and -to be re-modelled.
In honour of the active part that Prussia has taken in the present
European war, the Prussian army, for the future, is to exhibit none but
Neutral Colours.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[September 29, 1855.
THE TAGGING SYSTEM.—TBIUMPH OF MIND OVER MATTER.
Old Gent. "And pray who is tour friend with the Coffee Pot?"
Small Boy. "That? Oh! He's my Fag—He gets me my Breakfast and such
like, but i always leave him some crumpets—and—NEVER BVLLY HIM.'"
KNIGHTHOOD OF THE STEAM-BATH.
The Order of the Bath is an order of chivalry almost as
oddly Darned as the Order of the Garter. One would think
it should rather be the reward of dirty doings than of noble
deeds. The Order of the Bath is a very proper sequence
of a committal to the House of Correction, and shameful
behaviour is suitably requited with a ducking. A warm
bath is a very good and a very comfortable thing; but so
is a sofa, so is an arm-chair, so is a hot-water bottle, so are
many other domestic conveniences, which, in relation to
warlike achievements, or any other grand exploits and
magnanimous actions, are simply absurd. What sort of a
Bath can that be, the Order of which is esteemed a fitting
recompense for the valour of the heroes who fought before
Sebastopol ?
It appears to be a Vapour Bath, a Bath designed to
promote perspiration. Warriors, by means thereof are
subjected to that process to which certain Semitic persons
are accused of being accust omed to subject sovereigns, and
with similar results. Admission into the Order of the Bath
costs the Knight Grand Cross £164 13s. id, • that is to say,
the Knight on whom that honour is conferred is let into
it for that amount. This money is distributed among
various persons employed about the Bath. A head man
called Bath-King-at-Arms, for example, sacks two separate
portions of it, amounting together to £28 13s. id. The
Dean of the Order pockets £22 6s. 8d.; the Gentleman
Usher nets the same sum. The Messenger walks off with
£18 13s. 4d., the Secretary sweeps up £6 13s. id. The
Registrar and Genealogist come in for £22 a-piece. One
would suppose that the service rendered by these persons
consists in shampooing the Knight; they appear to do
that effectually, for they certainly squeeze a great deal out
of him.
What does a man get, then, for bleeding for his country
who gets the Order of the Bath ? He gets antiphlogistic
treatment. Having lost blood, he has to swallow a
sudorific.
A Generous Enemy.
Prince Gortschakoff takes credit to himself and his
troops for having rendered Sebastopol a heap of " blood-
stained ruins " for the reception of the Allies. We are very
much obliged to him.
A BARGAIN ON HORSEBACK.
We are always happy to assist in the elucidaiing a problem; and,
although we think that the following inquiry should have been repub-
lished by our excellent contemporary, Notes and Queries, rather than by
Mr. Punch, still, we cheerfully submit it for the consideration of the
world. The demand originally appeared in the Stamford Mercury. The
names of the parties not seeming to affect the interesting inquiry in
question, we substitute asterisks, in order that the philosophical world
may proceed, unimpassioned, to the abstract problem.
CAUTION!
WHERE AS I, * * * * of * * * * Farmer, on the 10th day of
' » September, 1855, sold to Mr. " * * * * * * * of * * * * fanner, all my old
Wheat, at £5 per quarter, and he wished me to get off my horse to sign the bargain,
which I did ; and then, after it was wrote, he refused to sign !—Is that a Gentleman, or
what? (Signed; **** *«**.
We would rather abstain from giving our own opinion at the present
stage of the investigation ; but we incline to the conviction, that that
is rather to be considered a pronoun than a gentleman ; and we cannot
at all assent to the view that it is what. Oilier interesting points arise
on considering the above advertisement. It may be surmised from the
allusion to the horse, that the advertiser was smoking, and that the
other party told him he was welcome to a light. The word " wrote,"
would seem out of place, but (the subject being agricultural) may have
something to do with the wrotation of crops. But the mystery deepens
as we proceed ; and we invite everyone to forward speculations on the
topic, distinctly pledging ourselves that none of them shall be inserted.
ROUT OUT OE A ROBBER'S DEN.
ere is the inventory
as published by the
Mouiteur, of the naval
and military goods and
chattels left behind
by the Russians at
bastopol:
"Cannon, 4,000: Ditto
Balls, 50,000; Hollow Pro-
jectiles, a few; Grape, a
large quantity; Gunpow-
der, a great amount; Cop-
per, 25,000 kilogrammes;
Steam engines, 36-horse
power, two; Blindages, a
considerable number.
As the items above
enumerated are to
pistols, pistol-bullets,
bullet-moulds, slugs,
jemmy, centre-bit,
picklocks, lucifer-
matches, and black
vizards, so is Sebas-
topol to the den oi
a burglar, and so is
the Emperor of all the Russias to Bill Sik.es.
Bomba in want of a Barber.
Bo jib a should get his head shaved. His frenzy might then abate,
1 and his outrageous conduct cease. In that case he would be spared a
; more serious retrenchment, as his subjects would be satisfied with his
! loss of his hair.
The Flag that has not Braved Anything.
All the Prussian Flags are to be called in, and -to be re-modelled.
In honour of the active part that Prussia has taken in the present
European war, the Prussian army, for the future, is to exhibit none but
Neutral Colours.