DOI Heft:
December 1, 1855
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16616#0227
December 1, 1855.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
215
^ J^^8lB§t5^^^w ^ ™ iMt prickle a petrified thorn,
—- Well, we last week was
present at the exhibition
of a petrified comedy, called, when alive, the Provoked Husband. Very
curious, indeed,—that is, for the first five minutes—was it to behold the
process of petrifaction that had entered into every hair, every skin-pore,
of the Provoked Husband once in the flesh, and once so animated. We
believe that if Howe, who appeared as the petrifaction,—the exhibition
took place at the Haymarket—had been gently tapped with the back of
a knife, he would have tinkled.
Lady Townley, too, was a still more surprising specimen of the pro-
cess. What a fine, gay, dazzling lady she was—as we read—in the time
of David Garrick, Esq. Hov her hoop would seem to " cast a girdle
round about the earth," making subject all it encompassed ! And now
has that lustrous ladyship no more life than so much pumice-s<one. It
was a burning existence; and now the virtuoso may take and crumble
it between his fingers.
We are assund that these specimens absolutely talked; that they
formed audible words. We have moderately quick ears—especially for
their length—but we did not detect any sounds. We grant that we
saw mouths open and shut, and from them proceed a stream of what
seemed air; but we thought this was only the petrifying process con-
tinued. As we know that the petrifaction of wigs and lace is by a
process by which the stone in minutest particles is gradually absorbed
by curls and threads, so did we think his lordship was becoming
more petrified as her ladyship opened her mouth at him, and vice versa.
We still believe this to be the fact.
Such, however, was the influence of the Provoked Husband upon
the humblest person accessory to it, that the call-boy—we are told, a
remarkably impressionable lad—was found, when the curtain dropped, a
piece of soft stone from hend to heel. In the graphic words of the
housekeeper to the theatre, "you might have scraped the child like a
Bath brick."
THE CZAR'S IDOL-TRICKS.
Our contemporaries' advices from St. Petersburg state, that the Czar
Alexander is making efforts against the Allies, which may, with literal
truth, be described as superhuman. Not only has he ordered a tre-
mendous conscription of his subjects, but he has also pressed into his
service every available Saint in his dominions. Besides the miraculous
^ (image of Sr. Sergius, he took, the other day, to his faithful army, a
, I picture of the same holy personage, probably no less miraculous, for
Our readers have beheld j which the Empress had worked a splendid case in gold and silver
certain curiosities of Der- j crochet. To one regiment alone he has presented three thousand crosses,
byshire petrifaction. They j for which also he was indebted to the devotion of his Imperial spouse,
have seen a periwig turned \ who had brought them from her pilgrimage to the hermitage of St.
into the most delicate , Sergius. That Saint appears to have had the same passion for accu-
stone-work,with every hair ; nmlating crosses as some eccentric individuals have for collecting canes
t hat was, perfect; but still and snuff-boxes. His hermitage was evidently quite a depot for those
every hair stone. They objects of Russian worship: but the Empress must have pretty nearly
may have seen what wa3 clpared off the whole stock.
once, a hedgehogwith every , addition to the above particulars, we are enabled to state the
following, which show that Alexander, rather than yield, is resolved
to use up his last Saint and his last Image.
The Emperor has issued an ukase to the Metropolitan Arch-
bishop, commanding him carefully to examine all the holy images, and
see if any of them have had their noses put out of joint by the recent
reverses of the defenders of their divinity; if so, every nose to be duly
mended. The document likewise ordains, that the holy wires and
springs of all the images that go by miraculous clockwork, shall be
repaired, if out of order: and that every saint that moves shall be regu-
larly wound up. The clergy are also invited to avail themselves of the
powers of galvanism, for the greater glory of the saints; so that by
those means their images may be rendered illustrious and refulgent
in the daik.
His Imperial Majesty, in further application of the resources of
modern science in aid of the Orthodox faith, has sent orders to America
for the construction of a St. Vladimir, to act by steam. If St. Vladimir
does not answer, the Emperor intends to try St. Alexander Newski,
and should St. Alexander deceive his expectations, he will fall back
on St. Sergius.
In that event, however, the idea of a steam Saint will be relinquished
for a notion which is, perhaps, happier. Emboldened by the example
of his father of pious memory, who marked his cannon-balls (as was
discovered at Alma) with the sign of the Cross, this devout son of a
religious sire has employed Professor Jacobi, to invent a submarine
apparatus modelled in the form of St. Sergius, of colossal proportions,
for the purpose of blowing up the whole of the Allied Baltic Fleet, and
to be denominated a Celestial Machine.
FRENCH AND ENGLISH KNIGHTHOOD.
The reasons for making an English Knight are often so utterly
Really, if these things are continued, the police must interfere. unreasonable that we do not wonder at the "honour " being frequently
1 . declined by those to whom it is offered, ihey manage these tilings
--- better in France, notwithstanding the fact that the Legion of Honour
] was getting a little into discredit, by being so indiscriminately aug-
LITTLE LEC lURES EOR LORD JOHN. | mented that many of the members could boast of no name beyond the
,„ , jv, T T . , . . , P . fact that their name was legion. A batch of Knights has, however,
We beg^to offer to Lord John the following subjects for future been made very judiciously by the Emperor of the French, who has
»ec uies : conferred such honour as he is able to bestow, on a number of names
" The Obstacles which retard the progress of an Omnibus from Kew already distinguished by their connection with art and science. We
Bridge to the Bank. j look in vain for the Moons and the Muggeridges in this very satis-
" The Difficulties which lie in the way of a Husband, when he goes factory list, which somewhat puts to shame the catalogue of our own
out shopping with his Wife. j very miscellaneous knighthood. Such names as Earaday, Faibbairn,
" The Dangers which, from day to day, beset the progress of a leg of J Stephenson, and Pruned, are names of which we and the French
mutton—hot, cold, and hashed—in a Margate lodging-house. Legion of Honour may be equally proud; and we cannot help feeling
" The Objections which are sure to be raised, if a married man pro- that even our old electrotyping friend, Elkington, though he receives
poses to smoke a cigar in the drawing-room. his Knighthood as the alleged reward of gilt, has contributed most
"The Moral Impossibilities, which always prevent a man coming materially to the progress of vertu.
home in rational time, whenever he's been dining at the Club. ___
" The Insuperable Obstacles, which invariably retard the removal of
a squalling Baby from his Father's bed-room to some other room at Heroic Resolution,
the top of the house, where his cries cannot be heard." _ , (1 , . . , . , „ , , 7 "
_ We read the subjoined in the Sunderland limes ;—
" The directors of tbe Northumberland and Durham District Bank have, We under-
stand, ordered al! the employes who adorned their faces with a moustache to shave or
resign."
And—to the honour of Englishmen, we are happy to record the fact
—the heroic young fellows have returned this defying answer—" We
will not shave ; we will dye first! "
Small Talk of the Army.
1
Among the marvels of the Hons. Jullten's Monster Milit try-
Quadrille is a passage descriptive of a "Dialogue of the Chiefs," intro-
ducing " solos, duets, and quatuors for four cornets." We do not exac ly
see how " four cornets," though they may be made to speak by the skill of
the performers, can possibly represent the dialogue of the chiefs of the
army. A cornet is altogether an inferior officer, and it is not likely
that a general commanding in chief" would select the cornet as a
mouth-piece. A movement in A Major would, we think, have been
somewhat more appropriate.
peter s pence IN austria.
The Emperor of Austria, by his late'Concordat with the Pope,
has presented to his Holiness sixty pence : or, at least, with the English
equivalent to a Crown.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
215
^ J^^8lB§t5^^^w ^ ™ iMt prickle a petrified thorn,
—- Well, we last week was
present at the exhibition
of a petrified comedy, called, when alive, the Provoked Husband. Very
curious, indeed,—that is, for the first five minutes—was it to behold the
process of petrifaction that had entered into every hair, every skin-pore,
of the Provoked Husband once in the flesh, and once so animated. We
believe that if Howe, who appeared as the petrifaction,—the exhibition
took place at the Haymarket—had been gently tapped with the back of
a knife, he would have tinkled.
Lady Townley, too, was a still more surprising specimen of the pro-
cess. What a fine, gay, dazzling lady she was—as we read—in the time
of David Garrick, Esq. Hov her hoop would seem to " cast a girdle
round about the earth," making subject all it encompassed ! And now
has that lustrous ladyship no more life than so much pumice-s<one. It
was a burning existence; and now the virtuoso may take and crumble
it between his fingers.
We are assund that these specimens absolutely talked; that they
formed audible words. We have moderately quick ears—especially for
their length—but we did not detect any sounds. We grant that we
saw mouths open and shut, and from them proceed a stream of what
seemed air; but we thought this was only the petrifying process con-
tinued. As we know that the petrifaction of wigs and lace is by a
process by which the stone in minutest particles is gradually absorbed
by curls and threads, so did we think his lordship was becoming
more petrified as her ladyship opened her mouth at him, and vice versa.
We still believe this to be the fact.
Such, however, was the influence of the Provoked Husband upon
the humblest person accessory to it, that the call-boy—we are told, a
remarkably impressionable lad—was found, when the curtain dropped, a
piece of soft stone from hend to heel. In the graphic words of the
housekeeper to the theatre, "you might have scraped the child like a
Bath brick."
THE CZAR'S IDOL-TRICKS.
Our contemporaries' advices from St. Petersburg state, that the Czar
Alexander is making efforts against the Allies, which may, with literal
truth, be described as superhuman. Not only has he ordered a tre-
mendous conscription of his subjects, but he has also pressed into his
service every available Saint in his dominions. Besides the miraculous
^ (image of Sr. Sergius, he took, the other day, to his faithful army, a
, I picture of the same holy personage, probably no less miraculous, for
Our readers have beheld j which the Empress had worked a splendid case in gold and silver
certain curiosities of Der- j crochet. To one regiment alone he has presented three thousand crosses,
byshire petrifaction. They j for which also he was indebted to the devotion of his Imperial spouse,
have seen a periwig turned \ who had brought them from her pilgrimage to the hermitage of St.
into the most delicate , Sergius. That Saint appears to have had the same passion for accu-
stone-work,with every hair ; nmlating crosses as some eccentric individuals have for collecting canes
t hat was, perfect; but still and snuff-boxes. His hermitage was evidently quite a depot for those
every hair stone. They objects of Russian worship: but the Empress must have pretty nearly
may have seen what wa3 clpared off the whole stock.
once, a hedgehogwith every , addition to the above particulars, we are enabled to state the
following, which show that Alexander, rather than yield, is resolved
to use up his last Saint and his last Image.
The Emperor has issued an ukase to the Metropolitan Arch-
bishop, commanding him carefully to examine all the holy images, and
see if any of them have had their noses put out of joint by the recent
reverses of the defenders of their divinity; if so, every nose to be duly
mended. The document likewise ordains, that the holy wires and
springs of all the images that go by miraculous clockwork, shall be
repaired, if out of order: and that every saint that moves shall be regu-
larly wound up. The clergy are also invited to avail themselves of the
powers of galvanism, for the greater glory of the saints; so that by
those means their images may be rendered illustrious and refulgent
in the daik.
His Imperial Majesty, in further application of the resources of
modern science in aid of the Orthodox faith, has sent orders to America
for the construction of a St. Vladimir, to act by steam. If St. Vladimir
does not answer, the Emperor intends to try St. Alexander Newski,
and should St. Alexander deceive his expectations, he will fall back
on St. Sergius.
In that event, however, the idea of a steam Saint will be relinquished
for a notion which is, perhaps, happier. Emboldened by the example
of his father of pious memory, who marked his cannon-balls (as was
discovered at Alma) with the sign of the Cross, this devout son of a
religious sire has employed Professor Jacobi, to invent a submarine
apparatus modelled in the form of St. Sergius, of colossal proportions,
for the purpose of blowing up the whole of the Allied Baltic Fleet, and
to be denominated a Celestial Machine.
FRENCH AND ENGLISH KNIGHTHOOD.
The reasons for making an English Knight are often so utterly
Really, if these things are continued, the police must interfere. unreasonable that we do not wonder at the "honour " being frequently
1 . declined by those to whom it is offered, ihey manage these tilings
--- better in France, notwithstanding the fact that the Legion of Honour
] was getting a little into discredit, by being so indiscriminately aug-
LITTLE LEC lURES EOR LORD JOHN. | mented that many of the members could boast of no name beyond the
,„ , jv, T T . , . . , P . fact that their name was legion. A batch of Knights has, however,
We beg^to offer to Lord John the following subjects for future been made very judiciously by the Emperor of the French, who has
»ec uies : conferred such honour as he is able to bestow, on a number of names
" The Obstacles which retard the progress of an Omnibus from Kew already distinguished by their connection with art and science. We
Bridge to the Bank. j look in vain for the Moons and the Muggeridges in this very satis-
" The Difficulties which lie in the way of a Husband, when he goes factory list, which somewhat puts to shame the catalogue of our own
out shopping with his Wife. j very miscellaneous knighthood. Such names as Earaday, Faibbairn,
" The Dangers which, from day to day, beset the progress of a leg of J Stephenson, and Pruned, are names of which we and the French
mutton—hot, cold, and hashed—in a Margate lodging-house. Legion of Honour may be equally proud; and we cannot help feeling
" The Objections which are sure to be raised, if a married man pro- that even our old electrotyping friend, Elkington, though he receives
poses to smoke a cigar in the drawing-room. his Knighthood as the alleged reward of gilt, has contributed most
"The Moral Impossibilities, which always prevent a man coming materially to the progress of vertu.
home in rational time, whenever he's been dining at the Club. ___
" The Insuperable Obstacles, which invariably retard the removal of
a squalling Baby from his Father's bed-room to some other room at Heroic Resolution,
the top of the house, where his cries cannot be heard." _ , (1 , . . , . , „ , , 7 "
_ We read the subjoined in the Sunderland limes ;—
" The directors of tbe Northumberland and Durham District Bank have, We under-
stand, ordered al! the employes who adorned their faces with a moustache to shave or
resign."
And—to the honour of Englishmen, we are happy to record the fact
—the heroic young fellows have returned this defying answer—" We
will not shave ; we will dye first! "
Small Talk of the Army.
1
Among the marvels of the Hons. Jullten's Monster Milit try-
Quadrille is a passage descriptive of a "Dialogue of the Chiefs," intro-
ducing " solos, duets, and quatuors for four cornets." We do not exac ly
see how " four cornets," though they may be made to speak by the skill of
the performers, can possibly represent the dialogue of the chiefs of the
army. A cornet is altogether an inferior officer, and it is not likely
that a general commanding in chief" would select the cornet as a
mouth-piece. A movement in A Major would, we think, have been
somewhat more appropriate.
peter s pence IN austria.
The Emperor of Austria, by his late'Concordat with the Pope,
has presented to his Holiness sixty pence : or, at least, with the English
equivalent to a Crown.