DOI issue:
June 21, 1856
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16617#0255
June 21, 1856.]
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON; CHARIVARI.
247
CONFUSION WORSE CONFOUNDED.
0 one will venture to
say that the days of
torture are at an
end, when ne has
noticed the agoni-
sing amount of twist-
ing to which the
Queen's English has
been exposed, in a
recent Circular from
the War Office, It
is dated, Pall Mall,
April 10, is signed
H. R. Dkewry,
Principal Clerk, and
runs as follows :—
f< A person in the em-
ployment of the War
Department having re-
cently, in bringing for-
ward a certain invention,
represented the difficulty
he experieneei in ascer-
taining the right Officers
to apply to respecting his
project, Lokd Panhurk
has, in consequence, de-
sired that it may be pointed out to the several Departments, that any suggestion of a practical
character emanating from a servant of the War Department, should be considered by the Head of
his Department; and if to the business of a collat ral Department, be referred through his own
Head of Department, if he thinks it of sufficient importance to the Head of the Department concerned.
Here is a bit of circumlocution wuich is quite worthy of the office, and which
requires all the agility of a sort of literary harlequin, to follow the ins-and-outs
of a sentence, which among other things directs a servant that a matter must be
" referred through his own head," if he wishes it to meet with attention. Tne
process of a reference "through one's own head," seems somewhat analogous to
the operation of jumping out of one's own skin,—a figure suggestive of a feat
more frequently spoken of than performed ; or, in other words, more popular than
practical. It seems that a man may refer a matter
" through his own head," if he thinks it of sufficient im-
portance ; as if everybody does not attach considerable
importance to " his own head," no matter what may be the
real insignificance of the burden he carries on his shoulders.
If the Circular is intended to assist anybody in any
object of any kind, we can only say, that the " department "
which issued it, has dismally failed; for, however difficult
a " person " may have found it to bring forward an " in-
vention " before reading the above announcement, we are
satisfied that after reading it, he would feel himself more
perplexed and puzzled how to act than ever. The mere
circumstance of anything being " referred through his own
head," is enough to turn his wits inside out to begin with ;
and the doubt expressed as to the " sufficient importance "
of his own head, would naturally disturb his intellectual
balance in a very painful manner.
Execution Without Design.
One of our daily contemporaries (a penny one) talks
about " the christening of the Imperial Infant in Paris, now
on the eve of execution." What c<m have put such a
horrid idea into the writer's head, as to induce him to
s-uggest the possibility of the execution of the Imperial
little innocent ? No doubt the " literary gent" who wrote
the paragraph intended to intimate that the christening (not
the infant) is on the eve of execution. Grammar in these
days don't cost much; and we cannot help thinking that
the proprietor of even a penny newspaper could afford to
purchase, or at all events to hire, a Linoley Murray for
the use of contributors.
anglo-american housewifery.
_ England and America are bound together by various
ties, but the strongest, next to those of a family nature,
are cotton.
THE CRUSH AT THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM.
Scene.—A passage in St. James''s Palace leading to a flight of stairs,
both crowded, with Nobility, Gentry, Clergy, Foreigners of Distinc-
tion, and Female Aristocracy.
Countess {screams). A . . . h! Pray be more careful, Sir—do you
know that, you are running your spur into my ankle ?
General Officer. Beg ten thousand pardons, Ma'am—but really the
crowd is so—Oh! oh my corn !
Judge. Stop, Sir !—my wig !—stop, Sir; I say—you've hitched that
star of your's in the curls of my wig.
Ambassador. Pardon, milor, je vous demande mille pardons !—but
ze kiaoude—impossible—s'arreter.
Bishop. My Lady—my Lady—oh, dear, my Lady !—your Ladyship's
brooch has caught me by the sleeves !
Country Gentleman. Hallo, my Lord!—my Lord, I say !—make a
little room, can't you?—you are squeezing this lady to death.
Earl. It's not I that's pushing—it's this gentleman—
Baronet. Mo, it isn't!
Earl. Yes, it is!
Marchioness. Oh ! oh !—I've lost my diamonds.
Viscountess. Ah!—my lace—my lace!—
Dowager. Ah, drat it! there goes my lappets !
Alderman. The hilt of your sword is in my stomach, Sir—which is
not pleasant, Sir.
Sheriff. It is your own fault, Sir! I'm not to blame, Sir, because your
stomach's in the way, Sir.
American Gentleman. Go a-head, now, you !
Duke. To whom are you speaking, Sir ?
American Gent. Wal, I guess I'm talkin' to a man in the way.
Liberal Member. Will you have the kindness to move on, Sir?
Conservative Member. Confound your polities !
Noble Lords and Honourable Gentlemen. Oh, oh !
Omnes. Oh, oh!—ah!—ah!—oh!—oh dear!—oh my!—mind—don't
—now then! Go on!—go on there ! Hoi! Hai! Ho!
_ [Scene closes.
" Whichever you like, my Little Dears."
PlOyal Gardens, Cremorne.—The Band in these gardens will
perform on Sunday evenings.—Vivat Regina.'
Royal Gardens, Kensington.—The Band in these gardens is for-
bidden to perform on Sunday afternoons.—Vivat Cant!
ECCLESIASTICAL CHEMISTRY.
What a bigoted set of people are the Roman Catholic clergy: at
least in Austria! Take the following specimen of their doings from
the Morning Post:—
"According to advices from Vienna, the Austrian Government has, as might be
expected, entirely given way to the pretensions of Rome concerning the interpretations
of the Concordat. Protestants dying when they have not any pastors of their own
cannot be buried by Catholic priests, as before—a portion of ground is to be dedicated
to non-Catholics. We shall hear more of Papal pretensions, from time to time,
throughout Germany."
Fancy clergymen refusing to bury Dissenters ! Could such bigotry
possibly be evinced in any but a Popery-ridden land? Where else
would you find a distinction made between the different bodies of dif-
ferent Christians in a Cemetery ? Who but a popish parson could be
so uninformed, or so wilfully ignorant, as not to know, or to ignore, the
fact, that, even if it were desirable, it would be impossible, to separate
the remains of one class from the adjoining remains of another class?
Does not every enlightened Protestant divine, that is every Protestant
divine, know that the products of animal decomposition are chiefi'
gaseous, ascend into the atmosphere, and, if arising from contiguous
sources, mingle ? Is he not aware of the truth that a denominational
distinction in a burying-ground comes, ultimately, to a distinction
between the phosphate of lime and the phosphate of lime of one deno-
mination of corpses and that of another ?
Whatever progress these Papal pretensions may make throughout
any other country, we may safely trust that we shall hear no more of
any such—of pretensions indicating such uninstructtd and unreasoning
bigotry—in our own.__
Shocking Reciprocity!
The oddest of all oddities
Would, Jonathan, be—what ?
Why, if the sole commodities
We interchanged, were Shot.
Accident in the Highlands.
An unfortunate Tourist lately met with a deplorable accident in
Glencatcham. He was foolish enough to write a few lines in a young
lady's album, wherein ignorantly or imprudently, he described himself
as '''her own." He was instantly claimed by the " bonnie wee thing"
as her husband, and found, when it was too late, that he hti got him-
self married to her.
PUNCH, OK THE LONDON; CHARIVARI.
247
CONFUSION WORSE CONFOUNDED.
0 one will venture to
say that the days of
torture are at an
end, when ne has
noticed the agoni-
sing amount of twist-
ing to which the
Queen's English has
been exposed, in a
recent Circular from
the War Office, It
is dated, Pall Mall,
April 10, is signed
H. R. Dkewry,
Principal Clerk, and
runs as follows :—
f< A person in the em-
ployment of the War
Department having re-
cently, in bringing for-
ward a certain invention,
represented the difficulty
he experieneei in ascer-
taining the right Officers
to apply to respecting his
project, Lokd Panhurk
has, in consequence, de-
sired that it may be pointed out to the several Departments, that any suggestion of a practical
character emanating from a servant of the War Department, should be considered by the Head of
his Department; and if to the business of a collat ral Department, be referred through his own
Head of Department, if he thinks it of sufficient importance to the Head of the Department concerned.
Here is a bit of circumlocution wuich is quite worthy of the office, and which
requires all the agility of a sort of literary harlequin, to follow the ins-and-outs
of a sentence, which among other things directs a servant that a matter must be
" referred through his own head," if he wishes it to meet with attention. Tne
process of a reference "through one's own head," seems somewhat analogous to
the operation of jumping out of one's own skin,—a figure suggestive of a feat
more frequently spoken of than performed ; or, in other words, more popular than
practical. It seems that a man may refer a matter
" through his own head," if he thinks it of sufficient im-
portance ; as if everybody does not attach considerable
importance to " his own head," no matter what may be the
real insignificance of the burden he carries on his shoulders.
If the Circular is intended to assist anybody in any
object of any kind, we can only say, that the " department "
which issued it, has dismally failed; for, however difficult
a " person " may have found it to bring forward an " in-
vention " before reading the above announcement, we are
satisfied that after reading it, he would feel himself more
perplexed and puzzled how to act than ever. The mere
circumstance of anything being " referred through his own
head," is enough to turn his wits inside out to begin with ;
and the doubt expressed as to the " sufficient importance "
of his own head, would naturally disturb his intellectual
balance in a very painful manner.
Execution Without Design.
One of our daily contemporaries (a penny one) talks
about " the christening of the Imperial Infant in Paris, now
on the eve of execution." What c<m have put such a
horrid idea into the writer's head, as to induce him to
s-uggest the possibility of the execution of the Imperial
little innocent ? No doubt the " literary gent" who wrote
the paragraph intended to intimate that the christening (not
the infant) is on the eve of execution. Grammar in these
days don't cost much; and we cannot help thinking that
the proprietor of even a penny newspaper could afford to
purchase, or at all events to hire, a Linoley Murray for
the use of contributors.
anglo-american housewifery.
_ England and America are bound together by various
ties, but the strongest, next to those of a family nature,
are cotton.
THE CRUSH AT THE QUEEN'S DRAWING-ROOM.
Scene.—A passage in St. James''s Palace leading to a flight of stairs,
both crowded, with Nobility, Gentry, Clergy, Foreigners of Distinc-
tion, and Female Aristocracy.
Countess {screams). A . . . h! Pray be more careful, Sir—do you
know that, you are running your spur into my ankle ?
General Officer. Beg ten thousand pardons, Ma'am—but really the
crowd is so—Oh! oh my corn !
Judge. Stop, Sir !—my wig !—stop, Sir; I say—you've hitched that
star of your's in the curls of my wig.
Ambassador. Pardon, milor, je vous demande mille pardons !—but
ze kiaoude—impossible—s'arreter.
Bishop. My Lady—my Lady—oh, dear, my Lady !—your Ladyship's
brooch has caught me by the sleeves !
Country Gentleman. Hallo, my Lord!—my Lord, I say !—make a
little room, can't you?—you are squeezing this lady to death.
Earl. It's not I that's pushing—it's this gentleman—
Baronet. Mo, it isn't!
Earl. Yes, it is!
Marchioness. Oh ! oh !—I've lost my diamonds.
Viscountess. Ah!—my lace—my lace!—
Dowager. Ah, drat it! there goes my lappets !
Alderman. The hilt of your sword is in my stomach, Sir—which is
not pleasant, Sir.
Sheriff. It is your own fault, Sir! I'm not to blame, Sir, because your
stomach's in the way, Sir.
American Gentleman. Go a-head, now, you !
Duke. To whom are you speaking, Sir ?
American Gent. Wal, I guess I'm talkin' to a man in the way.
Liberal Member. Will you have the kindness to move on, Sir?
Conservative Member. Confound your polities !
Noble Lords and Honourable Gentlemen. Oh, oh !
Omnes. Oh, oh!—ah!—ah!—oh!—oh dear!—oh my!—mind—don't
—now then! Go on!—go on there ! Hoi! Hai! Ho!
_ [Scene closes.
" Whichever you like, my Little Dears."
PlOyal Gardens, Cremorne.—The Band in these gardens will
perform on Sunday evenings.—Vivat Regina.'
Royal Gardens, Kensington.—The Band in these gardens is for-
bidden to perform on Sunday afternoons.—Vivat Cant!
ECCLESIASTICAL CHEMISTRY.
What a bigoted set of people are the Roman Catholic clergy: at
least in Austria! Take the following specimen of their doings from
the Morning Post:—
"According to advices from Vienna, the Austrian Government has, as might be
expected, entirely given way to the pretensions of Rome concerning the interpretations
of the Concordat. Protestants dying when they have not any pastors of their own
cannot be buried by Catholic priests, as before—a portion of ground is to be dedicated
to non-Catholics. We shall hear more of Papal pretensions, from time to time,
throughout Germany."
Fancy clergymen refusing to bury Dissenters ! Could such bigotry
possibly be evinced in any but a Popery-ridden land? Where else
would you find a distinction made between the different bodies of dif-
ferent Christians in a Cemetery ? Who but a popish parson could be
so uninformed, or so wilfully ignorant, as not to know, or to ignore, the
fact, that, even if it were desirable, it would be impossible, to separate
the remains of one class from the adjoining remains of another class?
Does not every enlightened Protestant divine, that is every Protestant
divine, know that the products of animal decomposition are chiefi'
gaseous, ascend into the atmosphere, and, if arising from contiguous
sources, mingle ? Is he not aware of the truth that a denominational
distinction in a burying-ground comes, ultimately, to a distinction
between the phosphate of lime and the phosphate of lime of one deno-
mination of corpses and that of another ?
Whatever progress these Papal pretensions may make throughout
any other country, we may safely trust that we shall hear no more of
any such—of pretensions indicating such uninstructtd and unreasoning
bigotry—in our own.__
Shocking Reciprocity!
The oddest of all oddities
Would, Jonathan, be—what ?
Why, if the sole commodities
We interchanged, were Shot.
Accident in the Highlands.
An unfortunate Tourist lately met with a deplorable accident in
Glencatcham. He was foolish enough to write a few lines in a young
lady's album, wherein ignorantly or imprudently, he described himself
as '''her own." He was instantly claimed by the " bonnie wee thing"
as her husband, and found, when it was too late, that he hti got him-
self married to her.