Punch: Punch (32.1857)

40

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

FLUNKEIANA.

Lady of the House. "Oh Thomas! Have the Goodness to take up some Coals into the Nursery!"

Thomas. "H'm! Ma'am! If you ask it as a favour., Ma'am, I don't so much object; but I 'orE you don't take me for
an 'Ousemaid, Ma'am ! "

" BRUMMAGEM " PIETY.

We learn from a paragraph in a weekly contemporary, to which, of
course, " a press of more important matter " has prevented any earlier
allusion, that a majority of the Members of the Birmingham Town
Council have acted recently in such a maimer as to render it desirable
to have their portraits taken, and sent in to the Association for wholly
closing Sunday, as candidates for the Cant Gallery which we hear is
in formation. The act by which they have immortalised themselves
(for, being introduced in Punch, their, reputation is undying) has been
the prohibition of a concert of purely sacred music, which it was pro-
posed to give in their Town Hah! on Christmas Day at prices that
would render it accessible by "the people." The debate upon the
question is said to have been a long one, and in proportion to its length
was the narrowness of mind which was evinced by those whose votes
had the majority. As a sample of the oratory by which they professed
to expound their views, and justify their opposition to the leave which
was applied for, we are told that—

" One expressed his opinion, that sacred music was not different from polkas,
except that it is played slower. Another observed, that he did not individually
object to music of any kind, but he didn't like sacred music blown through a
trumpet."

Had it been proposed at this Christmas Concert to perform the
Hallelujah Chorus on a pair of bagpipes, we should think this latter
gentleman would have not withheld consent to it. His objection,
it would seem, is directed not so much against the music as the instru-
ment ; and in instancing the trumpet as his particular aversion, he is
probably moved by a spirit of rivalry, as he perhaps is in the habit of
blowing his own. Now in the bagpipes he in no way need have had
such fear of competition; while its tone might in some measure have

" improved the occasion," by reminding those who heard it of those Dresses and Dinners,

sermons in drones which we most of us have listened to. I Why, it was demanded by a vulgar person, do the air-tube Crinolines

When ears are stopped with the cotton of Cant, they are rendered cause a ball to resemble a dinner party ? This extraordinary question
deaf not only to reason, but to music. However long a fanatic's auri-: meeting with no reply, the coarse individual said, " Because where
culars may be, lie can hear no difference between a psalm tune and a | the Crinolines are inflated, there must be a regular blow-out! "

polka, at least if the former be played out of Church-time. Having
"no music in his soul" all music sounds alike to him, whether it be
the tl andel of the organ-loft or the handle of the street piano; and
having himself "no mind for" it, he compounds for other sinfulness
by condemning that as such.

It is a common phrase to speak of articles of doubtful origin as
being " Brummagem " ones. And we think such spurious sanctity as
that which would prevent even the music of the Messiah being played
on Christmas Day, may be fittingly set down as " Brummagem"
Piety. _

MENTAL MORPHINE.

A Number of serious gentlemen have formed themselves into an
association, under the title of the "Society for the Suppression of
Opium Smuggling ; " their object being to prevent the Chinese from
ruining their constitutions by taking opium. In the attempt to stop
a supply for which there exists a demand, these philanthropists may
not, perhaps, be very successful. The best way to effect tns desired
purpose, will be, not to bother Parliament to legislate for the preven-
tion of the opium-traffic, but to endeavour to supersede opium by some-
thing better. Let them get a number of Exeter Hall tracts translated
into the Chinese language, and imported into China. These will, to
all the natives who may be induced to read them, prove a harmless and
efficient substitute for opium ; and the speeches of the members of the
Society, added to the tracts, will doubtless much augment their influ-
ence in communicating repose to the Celestial Empire.