Punch (32.1857)

January 31, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 41

THE JACKANAPES* DEVELOPMENT SOCIETY.

eople generally ad-
mit that domestic ser-
vants are the grea-
test of all domestic
troubles. Most of
' them are quite im-
practicable. They are
discontented with
rigour, and demora-
lized by indulgence.
Their regard is dead-
ened by keeping them
at a distance: familiar
treatment destroys
their respect. What to
do with them nobody
knows; but unfortu-
nately nobody also
knows what to do
without them. Efficient
substitutes for men
and maid - servants
would be among the
greatest blessings
which could be con-
ferred on respectable
society. The above-
named Association has
been organized with a
view to supply them.

By far the most
faithful, tractable, and
as far as their abilities

extend, useful, servants, are dogs. They are, _ moreover, much more sagacious and
intelligent than many, if not most human domestics. There are but two things that a
good dog wants in order to enable him to become a perfect servant. He only wants a
pair of hands. If he had but that, he could clean boots, and knives, and forks, as well
as plates and dishes, which he now actually cleans. He could also cook, instead of being
limited, in his culinary employment, to causing the revolutions of the spit. He would be
honest, trustworthy, grateful; would know how to behave himself, and would unhesitatingly
do whatever he was told, if possible.

But dogs have not hands, and therefore there is an end of the question of the pos-
sibility of educating them to wait at table, and converting the servants' hall into the
servants' kennel. There are, however, certain other animals possessed of the organs which
those of the canine species are destitute of. The animals alluded to are the several varieties
of the monkey tribe, particularly the ourang-outang, the ape, and the chimpanzee. These
creatures display a high degree of intelligence, which, if duly cultivated, may be confidently
expected to render them fully equal to the performance of any menial function. To accli-
mate and educate apes and monkeys, so as to render them capable of supplying the place
of footmen and maid-servants, is the design of the Jackanapes' Development Society.

If success should crown the endeavour to train the nmia to act as servants, it will afford
a peculiar advantage. The male animals of that class will look particularly well arranged in
that variegated and comical attire with which the superior classes are accustomed to decorate
their serving-men. To the judicious eye, a livery seems to have been cut out for an ape,
and an ape to have been designed to wear a livery.

Ladies are requested to observe that monkeys will, as maids, have the recommendation
of never " answering," when found fault with or scolded.

The domestic apes and baboons, when not employed in the kitchen, will have the special
recommendation of being sufferable to remain in the parlour, whence they will not be able to
carry away any conversation which they may hear, and where their familiar treatment will
not render them insolent. By being thus kept within sight, they will be prevented from
exercising any of their mischievous propensities that education may not have eradicated.

The fondness which monkeys display for their young gives good reason to expect that they
would make the best of bonnes and nursemaids; and, considering what history records of
Romulus and Remus, and the more modern and less questionable fact that infants are now
often brought up by hand upon asses' milk, there is no reason why a healthy young female
ourang-outang should not be employed as a wet-nurse.

The infestation of areas by policemen and soldiers, is a nuisance which will be entirely
abolished by the substitution of monkeys of the softer sex for cooks and scullions. No
followers will ever be stipulated for by these domestics * in short they will be manageable
exactly like any other live stock: and it will be at the option of families to "raise " as our
American cousins say, their own servants, or to purchase them when wanted.

No solicitude will need to be felt on the subject of a provision for servant monkeys in their
old age. When past work, it will be simply necessary to shoot them.

Forcible Association of Ideas.

At a House of Call for Ticket-of-Leave men, in the neighbourhood of Notting. HilL a
well-known " neck-and-nothing" hero dropped in rather late one night, and, with his mind
evidently running upon his business, eried out: " Here, waiter, quick,—a chop—hot—and
rub the plate down with a Garotte ! " A couple of policemen, who happened accidentally to
be present, instantly disappeared.

CRINOLINE'S RAGING FURY ;

or, the fashionable female's sufferings,

You rustic maids of England,

Who dress yourselves with ease,
Ah, little do you think how hard

It is French taste to please.
Give ear unto the milhners,

And they will plainly show,
With what care, tight with air,

They our Crinolines do blow.

All you that will be modish,

Must bear a steadfast heart:
Eor when boys gibe you in the streets,

You must not blush nor start;
Nor must you be disgusted

To hear them cry, " Hallo !
I should think you will shrink :

Give your Crinoline a blow ! "

The bitter jests and sarcasms

A poor girl must endure,
And look a fright to dress aright,

Are grievous, to be sure ;
Our skirts they are derided

Eor being puffed out so,
That by steam, it would seem,

We our Crinobnes do blow.

In growls Hke distant thunder,

Which gruffncss doth enforce,
We oft hear things old fogies say,

Beyond all bearing coarse ;
This causes indignation,

And makes oui anger glow;
But disdain is in vain,

And our Crinolines we blow.

Sometimes when Neptune's bosom

Is tossed with stormy waves,
A lady walks out shopping,

And wind and weather braves ;
Borne off her legs she mounteth,

And cometh down so slow, _
Broad and light, with such might,

We our Crmolines do blow.

A maid exerts the bellows

To bloat us round about,
When woman's arm doth fail us,

Then man's must help it out;
We ring for John's assistance—

Eor he is strong, we know—
To help puff us and stuff us

When our Crinobnes we blow.

The husband, and the lever,

May simple gowns prefer,
That fit the form, and, in a storm,

With safety let one stir;
Reproaches fierce, our hearts that pierce,

Against our taste they throw,
Which we poor things endure,

Whilst our Crinolines we blow.

We put on costly merchandise

Of most enormous price,
So much we need of drapery,

To follow this device ;
We spend so much in drapery,

Of such a size to show,
And with toil our shape spoil,

When our Crinolines we blow.

Genius Rewarded.

It is reported that a Russian order is on its
way to England to be _ bestowed upon Sin
Robert Peel, in recognition of his late lecture
on Russia and her people. The order is the
Order of the Merry St. Andrew of the first class.
The Queen, it is said, has already anticipated the
baronet's prayer to wear the honour ; he having,
in Her Majesty's opinion, so richly deserved
the distinction.

Vol. 32.

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