Punch (32.1857)

March 7, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

91

THE GREAT TOBACCO CONTBOVERSY.

Clara (emphatically). " don't care what you saY. Frank—! shall always think it a

nasty, odious, dirty, i lthy. disgusting, and most objectionable habit ! "

Frank.. " Haw !— Now .'m really surprised, Clara, to hear such a Clever Girl as
you are running down .smoking in such strong language—for it's admitted by all
Sensible People, you know, that it's the Abuse of Tob/i<co that's Wrong!"

r Which little bit of sovfiistnj completely vanquishes Clara.

A NUISANCE CORRECTED BY ITSELF.

To show to what an abominable extent the
nuisance of Encores has grown in Italy, we may
as well mention that at the Scala, the other
evening, the audience was so taken with the
Piscatore dell' Onda, which is the last new pro-
duction of Verdi's, that they encored the entire
opera. Such an ovation was never known before,
and probably never will be again! Musicians
fainted over their violoncellos, and the prompter
fell asleep in his cabriolet-hood box. However,
the mischief did not stop there, for at two o'clock
in the morning it was discovered by a watchman
accidentally dropping in, that the singers could
no longer sing, and the audience could no longer
hear. The former, by dint of screaming, had lost
their voices, and the latter, from listening to so
much noise, had lost their hearing. How long
the singers had been singing without making
any sound, and how long the audience had been
hstening without hearing anything, it is impos-
sible to conjecture; but it is very clear that it
only requires a few more salutary examples like
the above, and the annoying system of Encores
must be effectually abolished.

A Profitable Tax.

It is proposed, in the event of there being any
deficiency in the Revenue next year, that Mr.
Gladstone, every time he taxes the patience of
the House, should pay an ad valorem tax, of not
less than sixpence for the first hour, a shilling
for the second, and so to go on increasing every
succeeding hour. The intrinsic value, it is true,
will not be much, but it will be amply made up
during the session by the tremendous quantity.

Doctors Differing.—One Doctor says that
Puseyism is to Popery as Cow-pox is to Small-
pox. Another, on the contrary, says that it is
as Typhus Mitior to Typhus Gravior.

PUNCH'S ESSENCE PARLIAMENT.

February 23rd. Monday. As Lord Cranworth's Wills Bill goes
to_a Select Committee, no more need be said about ooor Cranny's
initiatory mull beyond mentioning that to-night, on the second reading,
the real lawyers spoke of it with the most aggravating contempt.

It is no longer necessary to attend to the delicate precaution which
Mr. Punch suggested last week in reference to the name of the
Member for Sandwich. There is but one Mr. Macgregor in the
House of Commons. John of Glasgow has accepted—and any
acceptance of his is a thing worth noting—an office under the Crown,
and vacates his seat. He did not ask for any Hundreds—this time-
but took the Stewardship of the Manor of Northstead. It has an
ahnost inappreciable, though disquahfying salary; but small as it is,
Mr. John Macgregor will no doubt place it at the disposal of the
assignees of the institution that did him—not to say gave him—so
much credit.

The Battle of the Budget was renewed. Lord John Russell
volunteered his aid to the Government, and in fact it is supposed that
there is no amount of assistance which he would withhold trom ahnost
any Government de facto, even to the discharging a portion of their
duties. Mr. Whiteside explained, still more distinctly, that he and his
Conservative friends wanted office, and Sir F. Baring said that he
knew that very well, and should do all he could to keep them out.
Mr. Walpole, of course, was ready to vote anything that should enable
him to change places with Sir George Grey. Mr. Cardwell
deserted his friend, Mr. Gladstone, and joined the Government
voters. He could not be Chancellor of the Exchequer in a Ministry
of which Mr. Gladstone was a member. Mr. Milner Gibson
had listened to everybody else's speeches with an attention not al-
together reciprocated by the House, and expressed his wish that
the Budget should be amended. Sir Charles Wood, of course, con-
tended that it was so good as to be incapable of being amended- and
the House, after rejecting Mr. George Bentinck's proposal for
adjournment of the Budget until the Estimates were disposed of
[really so sensible a course that there is no wonder only 25 supported
it against 177) divided upon the Main Question, which was whether
tne Balancing Brothers of Westminster should take office vice the
Bottleholder, and decided that they should not, by 286 to 206

Tuesday. Lord Derby fulfilled his promise of bombarding Govern-
ment in retaliation for the bombardment of Canton. Everybody who
wished, to injure the Government was conscientiously convinced that
the assault was unjust, unnecessary, and cruel, while all the Minis-
terialists were as clear in their conscience that nothing could be more
righteous and expedient, or more humanely effected. The important
question, whether English subjects residing abroad were never to have
any redress or protection until then- case had been sent home and in-
structions obtained from Government, was at issue in the case, and the
Lords' decision, luckily, is that a Givis Romanus is not to be left in
that highly comfortable situation, but that his Queen's flag is to be
flapped instanter into his enemy's eyes. The sentimental part ot
the case was worked as gravely as if noble lords who talked of the
innocent, polite, and friendly Chinese, had never heard that in Canton
itself Mr. Commissioner Yeh had tied up thousands of men and
women at his place of execution, and had them flayed alive, and cut
into slices, and that only a little time back the amiable Cantonese
tortured a French missionary for three days, and then burned him. To
these people it was urged that we were to serve out "justice in its most
winning guise, and lofty truth and forbearance." The Lords, after a
debate to-night and on Thursday, voted that bombshells were more to
the purpose, by 14-6 to 110.

The remarkable Walmsley achieved another of those remarkable
failures for which he is chiefly renowned. Sir Joshua persists in
believing that it is he who is specially called to reform the represent-
ative system, and though everybody assures him that he is under a
mistake, and snuffs him out, counts him out, and serves him out in
every practicable way, he will never comprehend his true position.
This evening he wanted to refer the British Constitution to a Select
Committee, and it took some time before he could be abated. Sir Chas.
Wood said that the Government had decided not to send anew expedi-
tion in search of Sir John Franklin, believing that it would be useless.
That it would discover the Arctic hero it is almost impossible to
believe ; that it would ascertain where he and his brave companions
had died, it is almost as impossible to disbelieve, the only unexplored
region being attainable with slight peril and complete precision. It
would put new heart into our sailors on a thousand coasts, to learn
that their England is as true to them as they are to her. But the
Admiralty thinks this " useless."