DOI Page / Citation link:
https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16619#0270
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0.5
1 cm
February 28, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 31
A BACHELOR-TAX.
" Me. Punch,
" I vert seldom read the papers except the Marriages and
the Murders, the Births and the Accidents : but in this dreadful time
of dear tea, and understanding that the Chancellor oe the Ex-
chequer has his finger in everybody's caddy, I was induced to read
something about what is called a Deputation,—thinking it might affect
the black and green. Well, the tea-pot was not at all touched upon;
and not a word about the massacre that is going on in Canton^which,
sending up tea as it does, brings home the horrors of war to every-
body's fireside. But there was a subject upon which, as an unmarried
woman, I feel very strongly—I allude to Bachelors. Por myself, I
feel if I was a man I should be ashamed of myself to be a Bachelor.
It's mean and cowardly, and altogether sneaking away from that
position to which, there can be no doubt of it, Providence from the
first intended to call you.
" Therefore, what I read at the Deputation pleased me mightily:
everything that goes with my notions in print always does. Speaking
of the Income-Tax, one of the Deputies told the Chancellor that he
knew hundreds of bachelors living at Clubs (that ought every one of
them to be pulled down, and salt and mustard sown on the foundations)
that never paid the Income-Tax at all, and therefore ought to pay a
Bachelor-Tax; and if I had only the laying of it on, I can tell you it
should be a pretty smart one.
"'Heaven knows ! poor spinsters are taxed—which is a subject I will
not go into at present, but am quite ready to do if provoked—and why
not Bachelors r Besides, if spinsters are spinsters, is it altogether
their own fault ? I will answer for myself—certainly not. It's given
to a man to be allowed to ask where he likes; yes, man may open his
mouth to all the world ; whilst a poor woman is expected to sit, with
her lips as close as an oyster, and, whatever may be her feelings, to say
nothing. Young men may never think of the _ compliment that's
frequently paid them; but how often are they quietly, silently chosen
for husbands, whilst—gay and heartless—all the while they know
nothing of the matter ?
" Now, Mr. Punch, a man having all these advantages over a woman.
—ought he not to be brought down a peg or two by the tax-gatherer ?
And then their impertinence is, at times, enough to make one's blood
run cold. You will see a young gentleman look at the wonders of the
creation before hirr ^' coir T ail-nrlA +n mv nwn «py ?\ m«t. :w if hp was
looking into a basl -
is worse, didn't ki
just looked at tlE w
times out of ten, -
and, oh dear ! the —
take to themselve; —
them and nobody — ™
but this. Of cou =—
heard of the peai —
— (0
= - 1
— O)
— ■ ■ co
ay my hand upon E
6
■::r-".Cl: : ffi
/
; Which brings ~
a man will not pa —
to pay it in ano'E & w
defrauds the com=— ^-
soldiers and sailoi — +"1
is called an impo ~ET C §
point the finger o: — n ^ o
" Believing as ] — \J -®
a thing) is, at t]^_ ( ^ ^~
marriage ceremoiE >»✓
time, and ending — *°
I haven't yet setl E ^>
bachelor, but I w=- ft)
as near as it nrigi — £
"Trusting, Mr.Er^ £
CD
sideration, that 1—
08
J? «
.J >
o
' UJ-IO VV L\jVKslJm
bachelor who oug -
o
o
1 O
E E
any longer bear it; and that is, the bachelor flirt, that goes about
society like a bee about a garden, and settles for good and all no tckere.
Nothing so teazing, Mr. Punch, to a serious mind, as to seem to
play with what we've heard called (my aunt used to name 'em so) the
responsibilities of life, which the bachelor flirt continually does, always
outraging—as one of our parlour-boarders says—the purest and ike
honest expectations !
" Now, Mr. Punch, you 're always so good, and therefore do fix a
proper rate of taxes on the bachelor flirt. Por instance :
{< How many bouquets ought to signify something like a declaration?
How many squeezes of the wedding-ring finger ought to go for
honourable intentions ?
"How many times going on one knee, and presenting therefrom a
plate of cakes, ought to be taken as "your slave for ever?"
"And none of these intentions properly carried out, do name what
ought to be the rate of tax on the bachelor flirt.
"We remain, dear Mr. Punch, your affectionate readers,
"Mary, Jane, Augusta, Matilda, Anne."
Mr. Punch prints the above two letters from a large number received
on a question of evidently increasing interest—a Bachelor-Tax. He
may possibly feel it his duty to print two or three other epistles on the
same important subject.
THE SWELL'S DICTIONARY OP SNEERING.
Bore, s. (commonly pronounced Baw). Anything,or.anybody claim-
ing attention which a Swell is disinclined to vouchsafe : whosoever or
whatsoever compels him to think.
Demonstrative, a. Expressive, by outward manifestation, of any
emotion whatever except scorn and malice.
Didactic, a. Instructive in any particular wherein a Swell does not
want, or does not wish, to be instructed. Assertive of anything which
he dislikes to have asserted.
Indignation, s. A real emotion of anger, mingled with contempt
and disgust, excited by injustice or insult inflicted on oneself.
Virtue, s. Bosh. Vulgar sentiment cherished by the middle classes.
Virtuous, a. Unreal, fictitious, vulgarly sentimental, snobbish.
Virtuous Indignation, a. and s. An unreal and inconceivable
emotion of anger with which some people pretend that they are affected
by injustice or insult inflicted on others. See Virtue and Virtuous.
The Silent Shell.
A Puff in the corner of a Newspaper, pretending to be a critical
paragraph, commences with the statement following :—
" The narrative of Admiral Napier's Baltic Campaign has burst upon the politi-
cal and naval world like a bombshell."
Yes; very much like one of those bombshells which the gallant
Admiral poured into Cronstadt. The explosion has made a wonder-
fully small noise.
A BACHELOR-TAX.
" Me. Punch,
" I vert seldom read the papers except the Marriages and
the Murders, the Births and the Accidents : but in this dreadful time
of dear tea, and understanding that the Chancellor oe the Ex-
chequer has his finger in everybody's caddy, I was induced to read
something about what is called a Deputation,—thinking it might affect
the black and green. Well, the tea-pot was not at all touched upon;
and not a word about the massacre that is going on in Canton^which,
sending up tea as it does, brings home the horrors of war to every-
body's fireside. But there was a subject upon which, as an unmarried
woman, I feel very strongly—I allude to Bachelors. Por myself, I
feel if I was a man I should be ashamed of myself to be a Bachelor.
It's mean and cowardly, and altogether sneaking away from that
position to which, there can be no doubt of it, Providence from the
first intended to call you.
" Therefore, what I read at the Deputation pleased me mightily:
everything that goes with my notions in print always does. Speaking
of the Income-Tax, one of the Deputies told the Chancellor that he
knew hundreds of bachelors living at Clubs (that ought every one of
them to be pulled down, and salt and mustard sown on the foundations)
that never paid the Income-Tax at all, and therefore ought to pay a
Bachelor-Tax; and if I had only the laying of it on, I can tell you it
should be a pretty smart one.
"'Heaven knows ! poor spinsters are taxed—which is a subject I will
not go into at present, but am quite ready to do if provoked—and why
not Bachelors r Besides, if spinsters are spinsters, is it altogether
their own fault ? I will answer for myself—certainly not. It's given
to a man to be allowed to ask where he likes; yes, man may open his
mouth to all the world ; whilst a poor woman is expected to sit, with
her lips as close as an oyster, and, whatever may be her feelings, to say
nothing. Young men may never think of the _ compliment that's
frequently paid them; but how often are they quietly, silently chosen
for husbands, whilst—gay and heartless—all the while they know
nothing of the matter ?
" Now, Mr. Punch, a man having all these advantages over a woman.
—ought he not to be brought down a peg or two by the tax-gatherer ?
And then their impertinence is, at times, enough to make one's blood
run cold. You will see a young gentleman look at the wonders of the
creation before hirr ^' coir T ail-nrlA +n mv nwn «py ?\ m«t. :w if hp was
looking into a basl -
is worse, didn't ki
just looked at tlE w
times out of ten, -
and, oh dear ! the —
take to themselve; —
them and nobody — ™
but this. Of cou =—
heard of the peai —
— (0
= - 1
— O)
— ■ ■ co
ay my hand upon E
6
■::r-".Cl: : ffi
/
; Which brings ~
a man will not pa —
to pay it in ano'E & w
defrauds the com=— ^-
soldiers and sailoi — +"1
is called an impo ~ET C §
point the finger o: — n ^ o
" Believing as ] — \J -®
a thing) is, at t]^_ ( ^ ^~
marriage ceremoiE >»✓
time, and ending — *°
I haven't yet setl E ^>
bachelor, but I w=- ft)
as near as it nrigi — £
"Trusting, Mr.Er^ £
CD
sideration, that 1—
08
J? «
.J >
o
' UJ-IO VV L\jVKslJm
bachelor who oug -
o
o
1 O
E E
any longer bear it; and that is, the bachelor flirt, that goes about
society like a bee about a garden, and settles for good and all no tckere.
Nothing so teazing, Mr. Punch, to a serious mind, as to seem to
play with what we've heard called (my aunt used to name 'em so) the
responsibilities of life, which the bachelor flirt continually does, always
outraging—as one of our parlour-boarders says—the purest and ike
honest expectations !
" Now, Mr. Punch, you 're always so good, and therefore do fix a
proper rate of taxes on the bachelor flirt. Por instance :
{< How many bouquets ought to signify something like a declaration?
How many squeezes of the wedding-ring finger ought to go for
honourable intentions ?
"How many times going on one knee, and presenting therefrom a
plate of cakes, ought to be taken as "your slave for ever?"
"And none of these intentions properly carried out, do name what
ought to be the rate of tax on the bachelor flirt.
"We remain, dear Mr. Punch, your affectionate readers,
"Mary, Jane, Augusta, Matilda, Anne."
Mr. Punch prints the above two letters from a large number received
on a question of evidently increasing interest—a Bachelor-Tax. He
may possibly feel it his duty to print two or three other epistles on the
same important subject.
THE SWELL'S DICTIONARY OP SNEERING.
Bore, s. (commonly pronounced Baw). Anything,or.anybody claim-
ing attention which a Swell is disinclined to vouchsafe : whosoever or
whatsoever compels him to think.
Demonstrative, a. Expressive, by outward manifestation, of any
emotion whatever except scorn and malice.
Didactic, a. Instructive in any particular wherein a Swell does not
want, or does not wish, to be instructed. Assertive of anything which
he dislikes to have asserted.
Indignation, s. A real emotion of anger, mingled with contempt
and disgust, excited by injustice or insult inflicted on oneself.
Virtue, s. Bosh. Vulgar sentiment cherished by the middle classes.
Virtuous, a. Unreal, fictitious, vulgarly sentimental, snobbish.
Virtuous Indignation, a. and s. An unreal and inconceivable
emotion of anger with which some people pretend that they are affected
by injustice or insult inflicted on others. See Virtue and Virtuous.
The Silent Shell.
A Puff in the corner of a Newspaper, pretending to be a critical
paragraph, commences with the statement following :—
" The narrative of Admiral Napier's Baltic Campaign has burst upon the politi-
cal and naval world like a bombshell."
Yes; very much like one of those bombshells which the gallant
Admiral poured into Cronstadt. The explosion has made a wonder-
fully small noise.