Punch (32.1857)

March 28. 1857.1 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 121

OFFENDED DIGNITY.

Small Boy (to Ex-Cool; who has come about a place). "Is there a Footman kep1
Why o' course there is—I'm the Footman !"

DERBY'S THREE SERVING MEN.

(" When Arthur first in Court began.")

When Derby last on place began

To cast a longing eye,
He entertained three serving men

And all of them were—sly.

The first he was a Jesuit,

The second a Charlatan,
The third he was a Peacemonger,

And all for the Derby ran.

The Jesuit he loved splitting hairs,

The Charlatan an apt rap ;
But the Peacemonger loved downright cant,

Adroitly mixed with clap-trap.

The Jesuit's splitting his hairs in vain,

In vain does the Charlatan rail,
And the Peacemonger hates to be joked on the point,

But—his cant's uncommonly stale.

is

SCOTCH LAW AND SUNDAY.

It is not true that every one of the minor Scotch judges
a Sabbatarian hypocrite. Mr. John Maclaurin, the
Sheriff Substitute of Argyllshire, has shown himself capable,
in a Sunday case, of pronouncing a judgment unbiassed by
fanaticism. This learned gentleman, according to the
Daily Scotsman, has dehvered " an interlocutor and note "
in actions of damages, brought by two Glasgow spirit
dealers, travellers by the Emperor steamer on a Sunday,
against two hotel-keepers in Dunoon, for refusing them
admittance to their hotels on that day, " in consequence,
as the innkeepers stated, of their being ordered by the
local justices to refuse admittance to all travellers by the
Emperor steamer on Sunday, under pain of losing their
licence." Mr. Maclatjrin's sentence awarded the plahitiffs
£1 damages and expenses. It now remains for the defend-
ants to bring their action against the local justices in
consequence of whose tyrannical menaces they have been
subjected to pecuniary ioss, for which, Mr. Maclaiirin
will no doubt decide, they ought to be indemnified by those
stupid and sanctimonious fellows.

A LAWYER OUT OF HIS DEPTH.

Bluebooks about education are occasionally published, contahiing
some curious answers to questions concerning biblical matters, on the
part of parochial children. The catechumens return Barabbas as an
Apostle, for instance, or confound Adam with Alexander the
Coppersmith. An example of erudition on this class of subjects,
closely parallel to those afforded by the juveniles in question, was
exhibited the other day in the Appeal Court of Chancery. In the
course of the case, Stotjrton v. Stotjrton, according to the Times
report—

" Me. Bagshawe, Sen., in reply, denied that the Roman Catholic Church did not
permit the unrestricted use of the Word of God in its authorised version ; for, on
the contrary, it permitted the reading of such parts of the Old Testament as it con-
sidered fit for perusal, that Church, however, holding that there were parts of the
Old Testament, and therein agreeing with St. Paul, which were hard to be
understood."

If the learned gentleman had known what he was talking about, he
would, in the foregoing statement, have been chargeable with robbing
Peter, to give to Paul, and not only that, but with charging other
parties on behalf of Paul, with what Peter had put down to Paul's
account. But he must be acquitted of any wilful partiality to Paul or
injustice to Peter, since it is quite clear that his acquaintance with
them, and with that branch of knowledge which includes such acquaint-
ance, is in inverse ratio to his professional learning. On such a
subject a lawyer may well get out of his depth—perhaps he is out of
his element.

Distinction without a Difference.

^ Brown says he doesn't like too many barristers in Pailiament.
y ones avers that he objects to a superabundance of solicitors. And
Robinson philosophically asks, what is the difference between barrister
and solicitor? Merely the difference between a crocodile and an
alligator.

A TROUBLESOME MAJORITY.

With all their protestations about having been compelled to vote
according to their consciences, we doubt much if the members of the
Coalition—we beg pardon, we should say Fortuitous Concurrence—
would not have somehow smothered those their " still small voices,"
had they known what a trouble their majority would be to them.
Never was a victory more dearly purchased ; in fact, to many of the
conquering heroes, it will prove considerably more harassing than a
defeat. This is clear from the apologising tone of their Election
Addresses, and the nervous way in which they seem endeavouring to
frame excuses for their conduct. The oldest and the boldest of them
hardly dare as yet to glory in their triumph: and instead of being
proud of it, the most of them would fain shirk the subject altogether,
and there is scarcely one in twenty whe^does not seem to be ashamed
of it.

In fact, the Tea-Party just now are in somewhat the position of the
man who held the bottle imp ; and, having their majority, they don't
know what on earth to do with it. Like Frankenstein, they find that
they have made a Monster, which they don't know how to manage;
and the chances are, we think, that as far as their electioneering pros-
pects are concerned, it will most likely be the death of them.

How Extremes Meet.

There is a great difference in the way (we mean, the street) that
different countrymen, when they do differ, fight. If it is an Englishman,
before beginning, he will tuck up his sleeves; but if it is a Frenchman
—mind you notice him wed, the next time—he turns up his trousers !
As Paddy would say, the arms of a Frenchman are in his feet.

The Political Toxophilite.—Mr. Cobden cannot, perhaps, be
accused of shooting with the long bow ; but he has certainly taken a
shot (though he has missed his mark) at the Government with an Arrow