Punch (32.1857)

March 14, 1857.1 PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 101

COBDEN'S CAPABILITY.

Tune—' ' British Sailors have a Knack."

Richard Cobden has a knack,

Talk away, Yeh-o, boys !
Of hauling down the Union jack,

Assailed by any foe, boys.
Come Pope, come Czar, come Savage—why
1 know not, still his best he'll try
To make old England's colours lie

In degradation low, boys.

Richard Cobden is at sea,

Talk away, Yeh-o, boys!
Upon foreign policy,

A thing he doesn't know, beys.
When he thus has got afloat,
An old simile to quote,
He's like a bear on board a boat

What you call no go, boys.

Richard Cobden runs ashore,
Talk away, Yeh-o, boys !

Richard then becomes a bore,
Troublesome and slow, boys.

Richard Cobden, be content

In your proper element,

That of a commercial gent,

To Devilsdust and Co., boy

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

March 2nd, Monday. " Pheasants crow," says the almanack composer
to Household Words, speaking of this week. Well they may, this
\ March, if they read the papers, and are weak enough to imagine that
if a senator is obliged to waste April and May, he will sit through
September—and October—to make up. But we fear the pheasants are
crowing under an erroneous impression of the patriotism of the British
sportsman, and that when the autumnal crocuses are in blossom, the
poor birds will find out their mistake.

Por—to pack the matter as with a hydraulic press of extra condensing
power—Parliament has been and done it. The House of Commons
which assembled on the 4th of November, 1852, has but a few days to
live. It has deliberately destroyed itself, and Coroner Punch, sitting
upon the moribund body, appeals, by anticipation, to the country for
the verdict once returned by a rustic inquest, " Justifiable suicide and
recommends to mercy, and we wants our money."

The tale is brief and instructive. On the second night of the Chinese
debate, the Attorney-General finished the discussion for that week.
He politely intimated that he should not bother himself with answering
arguments used in the House in which he spoke, but should confute
the Opposition in the Lords, and then he was pretty sure to have
smashed anything that had been advanced by the Commons. And Sir
Richard, haughtily measuring himself against foemen worthy of his
steel, did certainly make out a complete legal case for the Government
On the Monday, the battle was renewed, Dr. Phillimore abused the
Bishops for supporting the Ministry, Sir George Grey called his
conduct indecent. Mr. Robertson (formerly a Canton merchant), told
stories illustrating the cruelty and treachery of the Chinese. Sir John
Pakington felt so ashamed of the bombardment that he could not be
silent, but said nothing of which he should not have felt more ashamed,
vIr. Collier was for going on as we had begun, and Sir Prederig
Thesiger told a marvellous tale of a "voice" which after Nelson's
bombardment of Copenhagen "came out of the ruins, and inquired of
Britain whether it was really She who had been doing that work." He
did not mention whether the "voice" spoke Danish or English, or
Lord Nelson's reply. Sir W. Williams of Kars conceived that the
Chinese insult to the British flag had been premeditated, and Sidney
Herbert, attacking the Government, protested against acting with
party spirit. Si ,i • wr Shee thought the insulted vessel was an
English one, ami upported Government. Then came

Tuesday. A emorable date. The adjourned debate was opened by
Mr. Robert Palmer, who spoke as aDerbyite, as did a Shropshire Con-
servative colonel, Herbert, to whom a Cornish Conservative captain,
Kendall, replied that he preferred Palmerston and Evangelical
Bishops to Lord Derby and High Church. After some peacemongering
from Mr. Milner Gibson, a squib or two from Mr. Bernal Osborne,
a grumble from Mr. Henley, some mock pathos from the other
Phillimore (member for Cornelius Nepos and other elementary
authors who supply quotations), Mr. Chambers pitched point blank
into Mr. Cobden for his peace nonsense, and then Mr. Roebuck and
Mr. Gladstone both attacked Government. Roebuck particularly
grieved that our conduct was unChristian, and Gladstone that it was
not straightforward. The Bottleholder at last rose to reply, and in
a very plain-spoken speech exposed the cant about the Chinese,
expressed his perfect understanding that it only meant that the
Government bench was wanted by his opponents, and cautioned the
House not to sacrifice the honour of their country and the safety of
Englishmen abroad to the greed of a hungry faction. Mr. Disraeli,
feeling the truth of all this, could only answer the charge of coalition
by a vulgar tu quoque, and Mr. Cobden finished the debate with a
flippant answer. The division took place about half-past two m the
morning, and the numbers were:—

Por Hauling down the British Plag, apologising to the
Chinese, and putting Derby, Dizzy, and Gladstone
in office........ . 263

Por maintaining the honour of England, and keeping Pam

in place.........247

Chinese majority , . . . 36

Wednesday. A Bill for Promoting Industrial Schools came before
the Commons at their morning sitting. It was read a second time.
Mr. Edward Ball had the effrontery to say, that if gentlemen spent
less upon dogs and horses, and more upon reformatories, we should
have fewer criminals, an offensive remark for which he would certainly
have been expelled, but for the political crisis then impending.