Punch (32.1857)

February 14, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. Gi

PUNCH'S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EE. 3rd, 1857. Tuesday. Parliament reassembled.
Her Majesty was pleased to have Her own gracious
reason for non-appearance, and Lord Chancellor
Cran worth read the Speecli for Her. Its contents
were as follows :—

Glad to see you.

Treaty of Paris settled.

Prussia v. Switzerland ditto, I hope.

Have cut Eomba.

Central America will be all right.

Am sworn friends with the King of Siam.

Have walked into the Persians.

Have pitched into the Chinese.

Estimates to be as economical as possible.

Law amendments to be proposed.

Currency question must come up.

People content. Trade flourishing.

Soft Soap.

Short prayer.

The bottle of Parliamentary eloquence was naturally opened by
getting Lord Cork oat of the way, and Lord Airlie was also a very
airhe speaker. Lord Derby, in the stereotype phrase of opposition,
professed extreme disgust with the meagreness of the Speech, and
scoffed a good deal at Ministerial foreign pohcy, which Lord
Clarendon defended, intimating that the other Earl talked ridi-
culously, not having read the documents affecting the questions he
discussed. Earl Grey stood up for the Persians, and although Lord
Granville assured him that they had been served quite right, and
Lord Brougham (wishing, however, to know more) was perfectly
satisfied with.-the conduct of Government in the matter, Grey insisted
on taking a division, and was beaten by 15 to 12.

The Chancellor announced that among the Law amendments to be
introduced, one affected the Ecclesiastical Courts, another the law of
Marriage, and a third Breaches of Trust, under the penal provisions of
which last act Mr. Punch, hopes that Ministers will be brought, if
cither of the two other bills should be once more abandoned.

In the Commons Mr. Hayter (the whipper-in) gave notice of
some more Government bills, one of which regarded Transportation,
and another the establishment of Reformatory Schools. This sounds
well. Transport our adult offenders, and reclaim our young ones, and
crime will rapidly diminish. Mr. Punch wishes he could bebeve that
the new measures will be framed upon a national scale. At the present
writing he bebeves nothing of the kind.

The debate on the Address was not a bad one. The echoes in
uniform_ having subsided, Mr. Disraeli clebvered a long and enter-
taining invective against Ministers for everything they had done or not
done since he had last the pleasure of vituperating them. His chief
point was the amiable intimation that they were Humbugs, for that
they had been encouraging Italian aspirations for independence, while
they knew that England had assented to a secret treaty by which
France was bound to preserve to Austria her Itaban spohations. This
statement made a great sensation. Lord Palmerston declared that
there was no such treaty, and assailed Dizzy with Rabelaisian abuse,
calling him a gossip, a gobemouche, and a fly-catcher. But Mr. Disraeli
rephed that he "had seen the treaty." Now the question is, who is

to be bebeved ? Is Pam a Sham, or ought the other's name to be
written in future—Disrae-lie ? Leaving this for the consideration of
the universe, let us proceed to note that Mr. Gladstone assailed
Lord Palmerston as a quarrelsome person, and apphed himself to
the Income-Tax question, on winch (and, we suspect, on some other
matters) he means to lend his honeyed eloquence and valuable vote to
Her. Majesty's opposition. He said, neatly enough, that the people
of England, though impatient of taxation, are reckless of expenditure;
but if he would have the extreme goodness to point out in what,
practical way Brown and Jones can check Government expenditure
under our present system, those gentlemen would be very much in-
debted to him, and would much prefer being so to being indebted to
the tax-collector. However, the fight on the Tax is to come off at no
distant date, and a good sbce of the Tax is to come off also. We
advise the Nimble Ninepence to be as nimble as possible in getting
away. Lord John Russell expressed general dissatisfaction with
most things, and Mr. Milner Gibson made some protests to which
nobody paid any attention. Sir John Pakington got Lord Pal-
merston to alter the address so as to avoid committing the House to
any opinion as to the China business, and then the Address wras
agreed to.

Wednesday. On the next stage of the Address Mr. Hadfield coin-
plained that he never heard in a Speech anything that he did not know
before. Mr. Punch could easily make the honourable and disagreeable
member one winch would not be liable to that censure, but, valuing him-
self on his extreme suavity and pobteness, abstains. Yernon Smith
mentioned that cotton was being satisfactory cultivated in Bombay.
The deficiency in supply has been attributed to the immense quantities,
which, whenever Indian grievances come up, are found to be stuffed
into the ears of the authorities. The House appointed its Kitchen
Committee, and departed to the domestic lunch.

Thursday. In the House of Lords a piteous spectacle was afforded
Poor Lord Cardigan, who has merited and obtained so much casti-
gation that humane people are now inebned to let him alone, has found:
a new enemy in one of his owti order, Major the Honourable Somerset
Calthorpe. In a book on the Crimean Campaign, the Major, a
relative of Lord Raglan, has, according to the Earl, " maligned and
defamed" him. Lord Cardigan, after an historical resume of duelkng,
a touching reference to his own trial for felony, and an impbed lamen-
tation that it was impossible for him to call Calthorpe out, stated that
he had in vain sought reparation from that individual, and therefore
had asked the Duke op Cambridge to bring the Major to a Court-
martial. The Duke refused to be bored with such bosh, having: real
business on his hands, and so Lord Cardigan was driven to ask Lord
Panmure whether such conduct as Major Calthorpe's was right
and proper. Lord Panmure, in reply, blew him up for turning the
House of Lords into a grievance tribunal, and told him that he had
received the thanks of Parliament for his services, and those w'ere an
answer to all attacks. The Major has, of course, written to the papers,
reiterating his charges, and especially reminding Lord Cardigan that
his Lordship wras retreating from the Balaklava Charge whde his men,
were advancing, and that he rides too well to lay the blame upon his
horse.

Li the Commons Mr. Spooner gave notice that his attack on May-
nooth would be renewed in a fortnight. There seems no hope of
escape. If he lived at Notting Hill, or some other retired district—
but no, he resides close to the House, and in the thick of gasbghts
and policemen; besides, it is impossible to regard the Garotte as
constitutional, even in an extreme case bke this. Perhaps, in the
meantime, some beautiful young Cathobc lady may fall in love with
him and convert him to the old faith. We see no pther chance for the
nation, unless this atrocious weather should give him a touch of
bronchitis, which we heartily hope it will not, much as we detest the
annual squabble he raises. There was nothing else worth note, except
that a Select Committee was appointed to consider what is to be done
with the Hudson's Bay Company, which, under old charters, keeps
colonisation out of an enormous piece of our American possessions, m
order to preserve the animals that yield the furs in which the Company
trade. This great wild beast preserve will have to be enfranchised.

Friday. A few of the Lords met, exchanged a quarter-of-an-
hour's chat, and separated. About the only thing^ they did was to
receive a petition from Margate against the Income-Tax. It is a little
surprising that systematic robbery should not find favour with the
Margate lodging-house keepers, especially wmen it is connected with
enormous lying.

In the Commons, Sir Cornewall Lewis explained that in regard
to the Persian war, John Bull and John Company go Yorkshire;
but as regards the Chinese affair, Bull stands Sammy. Reducing this
explanation to vulgar Engbsh, it means that the first outlay is shared
equally between England and the East Indian Company, but that the
country defrays the second. However, as the Company owe us money,
we pay them nothing this year. A long debate then followed upon the
Currency Question, on which, as everybody understands it, no inform-
ation is necessary beyond the statement that Government, instead of
coining forward with a Bdl upon the subject of the Bank Charter, refer