Punch (36.1859)

January 22f 1859.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

39

WHO'S WHERE IN 1859 P

, E have what some may
think a difficult task
before us. We have
to criticise a work which
we have never read;
and, highly as we think
of it, we never mean to
read it. All that we
intend to do is just to
glance at its contents,
and on that one glance
we mean to stake our
judgment.

After all, though,
this is no uncommon
thing to do. We will
wager professed critics
are continually doing
it. How many pages
of a book upon an
average are cut, to
enable a reviewer to
furnish his opinion of
it ? There is a species
of clairvoyance by
which the critic gains
an insight into books by just glancing at the title-page and table of con-
tents. Why, if reviewers were obliged to read through what they
criticise, they would never have the time to write down what they
think of it. 'Everybody nowadays is bringing out a book, and nobody
has time to read through anybody else's. A Briarseus of a critic would
find his hundred hands filled daily with new works; and had he the
eves of Argus, he could not possibly do more than get but half a
glimpse at a tithe of what is published.

Kelly's Post-Office Directory for 1859. You have not read it, reader ?
No, we dare bet you have not. Nor, much as we commend it, would
we advise your doing so. We could not in conscience recommend you
to sit down, and not get up till you have finished it; for your lengthened
sedentation might be bodily a bore, and we do not think that mentally
you would be the better for it. Yet the work, we make no doubt, will
be often in your hands, and you will seldom lay it down without being
the wiser for it. It will be little use your trying to master its contents,
they will set the strongest mind and longest memory at defiance. An
occasional dipdnto them is all you can expect; but such dips, you will
find, will sufficiently enbghten you.

To show what interesting subjects are treated in the work, and give
a specimen of the manner in which they are handled, we think the
following extracts will abundantly suffice :—■

" Punch's Pooket-Book (Ann.) . > Q_ mi„„+ a*- „f „ 0,-;
•'Punch (Weekly) . . j-85, Fleet Street, p. 22,5.

" Punch, 85, Fleet Street, Wednesday . . . p. 2276."

There is no circumlocution to complain of here. No tediousness of
detad mars the grandeur of the truths which iiave to be enounced.
The statements to be made are of national importance, and they are
told with a simplicity of words which well befits them. Nor is this
the only instance that, if need were, we could quote. The same admi-
rable conciseness, we find, pervades the book. The Directory is not
generally commended for its humour • vet, if brevity of statement be
the soul of wit, the Directory is certainly the wittiest of works.

To persons who are fond of seeing their names in print, such a book
as the Directory must be one of lively interest; and if a tithe of the
names printed in it were put down in the Subscription List, the pro-
prietors of the work would have no fear for its success. We have set
two of our fastest calculating boys to make an estimate of the sum
which would in this event be realised; but as the work of counting up
the names will take them upwards of a week, the solution of the
problem must stand over till our next. Some idea may be formed of
the labour which is involved in it; if we state that of the " Smiths "
alone there are above eight pages, averaging one hundred and sixty to
a page.

Measuring some six inches thick, and weighing as it does upwards of
half a stone, the Directory may with truth be viewed as a great work ;
and when it is reflected that every name inserted involved a visit to
the local habitation of its owner, and that the Post Office initials are
appended in each case, we think some notion may be had, not only of
the penwork bestowed upon the book, but of the shoe-leather expended

THE NEW PICTUEE-GALLEEY.

{Addressed by the Policeman on Duty there to the Idol of his Affectiofis.)

Erom information, Sarah, which this morning 1 received,
I took up a position, as I kep untd relieved;

It were in Great George Street, Westminster, this station were of

mine,

And the number, if you ask me that, were number XXIX.

There's a dollop of Trusteeses, nearly all in titled names,
Has been buying lots of pictures, which I don't admire the frames>
And each of 'em's a likeness like, some full length and some half,
And the gentleman who's hung 'em up by name is Mr. Scharf.

And to this ouse in Westminster the public they invite
To come quite free and affable and take a pleasing sight.
Loud Stanup and Lord Echo, and Lord Sessle, which is Bob,
And Lord Macawly, which I hear have got a tidy nob.

Likewise does good Lord Lansdown, a pier as I respex,
And Mr. Dissryely too, as knows to jaw and wex,
And Mr. Sidney Erblt, a politely spoken gent,
They all invite the public to walk up and be content.

There's nothing, Sarah, for to pay, but to keep out blagu-ards
The public must resort unto Colnaggy for their cards,
When up they walks promiscuous, and what they will behold
To you, my true love, Sarah, by your true love shad be told.

They '11 see Sir Josher Bjenols, with his hand before his eyes,
As I do in the sunshine when a prig I takes and spies,
And Doctor Parr, but not the one regarding which I've wondered
How taking such a heap of pills he lived to be a underd.

Here's Andle, winch compose the songs they sing at Exter All,
And Captain Cook which circumwented this terrestrial bawl,
And Perceval, as some one shot, and near to him Orn Took,
And Jimmy Tomson which I hear have wrote a pleasing book.

Then, Sarah, comes a female, which have got such eyes and arms,
Excepting one, I never see the ekal of her charms;
That one I needn't name, my dear, because you know it well,
But this sweet party's name is Gwynn, her Christian being Nell.

There's likewise Billy Shakspeare with whom you 're well acquaint,
And Fox the martlelolloger with whom most like you aint,
And Carnal Wolsey, which with me a many times you've seen,
When on duty up in Oxford Street, performer, Mr. Kean.

Brave General Wolfe as was a wolf that made the Erenchmen run,
And bold Btjrdett (how many a time I've took up Mr. Dunn)
And Mr. William Wilbyeor.ce as liberate the nigger,
And Princess Sharlot, dead and gone, a very handsome figure.

Lord Clive, as from his worldly beat I'm told presumed to hook it,
They say he was a cruel cove, and Sarah, don't he look it ?
Then Mrs. Siddings, and her brother, pictures true to natur,
These parties only played in a respectable theaytre.

Then Sir J. Mackintosh, in red, but with a loose white tie,
He invented waterproofs for capes, and bless him, so say I.
And Robert Burns, respecting which they 're getting up a row :
I've heard he made good songs, and such, when foUering of his
plough.

At present about sixty is the number as they've got,

But every day the great folks will be adding to the lot,

And speaking as a constable, I think the thing correct,

It keeps folks out of mischief while such matters they inspect.

I see a heap of swells and nobs upon the private view,
They rub their ands, and says to Mr. Scharf as it will do,
Some day there'll be a splendid show, and in some comer, snug,
Who knows, my Sarah, but they'll stick your true love's noble mug ?

January 14, 1859.

What is the World Coming to

A Lady of Eashion, upon being told that one of her six-footed
in collecting the statistics for it. The labour of compiling such a I Jenkinses had been married the previous day to her lady's-maid at
work as the Directory is not less manual and crural than mental and J the aristocratic church in Hanover Square, was so scandalised, that,
cerebral; and we think the getting up of this its Sixtieth publication, ' forgetting her position, her English, her placidity, and all the other
does great credit to the hands and heads, and also, we may add, to the proprieties of life, she exclaimed most _ bitterly:—" It's too bad, 1
legs which were employed in it. declare, to turn St. Georges' in this way into a low-menial altar/"