Punch (64.1873)

44

PUNCH, OR, THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [February l, 1873.

CLASSICAL INTELLIGENCE.

th'-m under the old system. He had only suppressed the useless
drudgery of making Latin verses."

Useless drudgery ! My eye ! Ain't old Jules a jolly
brick ! Fancy what the Doctor would say to any fellow
who called making Latin verses only downright useless
drudgery! And I'm cocksure half our fellows don't
believe it's any better. Poeta nascitur, you know, and
you can't make fellows poets by making them make
verses. Even nonsense verses are a regular beastly
nuisance. Why, 1 got nearly swished, last half, for
putting this for a pentameter,—

" 0 mi hi gemitum ! 0 Senegaglia dwn!"

So I say, Vive Jules Simon! Let's kick out the
Gradus, and so get more time for football.

Tour constant reader and admirer,

Smith, Minimus.

Dr. Swisher's, Tuesday.

lay
teach us

Latin here like the chaps are taught in Paris. Just see what
that jolly old Jules Simon has been doing for them :—

" He never meant to check the study of the noble dead languages, which taught history
and fostered civilisation : but he was persuaded they might be learned quicker and better

Comprehensive.

We see announced for publication a Series of English
Readers, which, it is stated, " will be found to embrace
some entirely new features." What other features,
besides those well-known and old-established ones, the
eyes and mouth, can any set of reading books call into
action ? Perhaps the publishers are not contented with
these, and have some great physiological discovery in
store as a surprise for us all.

fallacy op the faculty.

Physicians often prescribe Change of Air when the
change really required for the poor patient's cure is-
Change of Circumstances.

ABOVE OUR SPHERE.

" A curious book is on the point of publication. The author seriously
professes to give, from actual experience, a matter-of-fact account of the laws,
manners, and customs of a kingdom situated in one of th^ planets of the solar
Bystem. The title of the book is ' Another World.' "•—Athenaeum.

Will the Author of this book—which we observe is now published
—be good enough to gratify a pardonable curiosity, and answer a
few questions respecting our fellow planetants ?

Have they a National Debt ?

Have they any " Old Masters " ?

Are they forbidden to marry their Deceased Wives' Sisters ; or is
it legal to do so in the North-east, and illegal in the South-west?

Do they talk about the weather, or have they any weather to talk
about ?

Do they take a reciprocal interest in us and our proceedings ; and
have they telescopes of sufficient power to make out the course of the
Serpentine, the summit of Primrose Hill, the top of the Duke op
Yoke's Column, &e. ?

Do they make mariages de convenance f

Do they wear beards ?

Have they lawyers ?

Is such a thing as a job known in the upper circles ?

Are any of the following articles in request amongst them—rouge,
false hair, orders for theatres, fiery sherry, morning calls, quack
medicines, bigb black hats, after-dinner speeches, burlesques, Great
Exhibitions, horse-hair wigs, and turtle soup p

Do they make Latin verses ?

Do they learn the dead languages of extinct planets before they
are taught their own ?

Are their railways, or airways, or whatever their means of loco-
motion may be called, as well managed as our own ?

Have they street music ?

Have they trouble with their servants ?

Is the manufacture of umbrellas a flourishing branch of their
trade and commerce p

Have they a Lord Mayor ?
Have they a Punch ?

Decisive.

Mrs. Malapeop, who considers herself a good judge from attend-
ing so many Penny Readings, does not think much of the Pope's
Elocution.

LOGICAL DEMONSTRATION.

A Demonstr ation of Working Men against the Malt-tax came off
the other day upon the Thames Embankment. This demonstration
was distinguished by the unusual merit of being to some extent
logical:—

" A Resolution advocating the total repeal of the ila.t-tax as a further
instalment of the promise ma le bv English Statesmen of a free breakfast,
dinner, and supper table, was Cirried with acclamation."

It may be said with truth that breakfast was the only one of
those three meals of which any Statesman, so called, ever promised
the freedom. More, it may be suggested that whoever promised a.
free breakfast table, not also promising a free dinner and supper
table, was no Statesman. By how much are A.'s tea and sugar more
entitled to emancipation than B.'s wine, beer, and spirits P In no-
degree whatever. Therefore there was logic in the Thames Em-
bankment demonstration against the Malt-tax. The Chancellor
of the Exchequer, certainly, would be unfit for his office if he
allowed the Malt-tax to survive the next Session whereas he could
honestly do without it. But our friends in fustian and flannel
jackets, who have raised the price of meat by consuming it at every
meal, including, in many cases, a fourth every day, ask too much
in asking for free meals at the expense of other people, mostly very
much worse off than themselves. The Minister who would not
scruple to comply with their demand would rob the latter to bribe
the former for their votes. The classes at present subject to direct
taxation and indirect too, with a view to curry additional favour
with those touched only by the latter, would be still more grossly
plundered than they are now by that expedient for effecting the
freedom of tables. The Great Untaxed would owe the free breakfast
table, no less than any other free table realised for them by such
means, to the finance of a rogue.

Taking Care of the Pence.

The Austrians seem to be as close calculators as the Scotch, and
to have a lofty disdain of round numbers. An official estimate has
been prepared at Vienna of the cost of the Great Exhibition which
is to be held there this summer, and a statement put forth that the
entire expenses, up to the time of closing the accounts at the end of
the year, will be " 13,238,396 florins 30 kreuzers." Let us cherish a
hope that this estimate will not be exceeded; and, above all, that
those odd kreuzers may not expand into an additional florin by the
end of the year.