DOI issue:
January 3, 1874
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.16938#0010
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[January 3, 1874.
THE YEAR 1873.
dopting, partially, the entirely useless and excessively annoying
custom which induces his contemporaries to spoil their New Year’s
Day issue with a recapitulation of the events of the past year,
in lieu of the usual scholarly, suggestive, or smart leading articles,
Mr. Punch devotes a portion of his invaluable space to a brief
but brilliant reference to the leading incidents of the last twelve
months. With his usual consideration and kindness, he begs that
no person will peruse this contrary to his wish, but Mr. Punch
warns every person who omits to read what follows, that he will
never know what he has lost. Inappropriately quoting
“ He that is robbed, not knowing what is stolen,
Let him not know it, he’s not robbed at all,”
to
A Ni e, o U FO N
t> £ L
Mr. Punch now calls upon Mnemosyne to dictate
speak distinctly and mind her stops :—
His Holiness the Pope discovered and announced his own likeness
to Tobit, and some persons who do not usually agree with His
Holiness, approved this comparison, as Tobit became supernaturally
blind for a season. The Challenger discovered that the little fish
called the Gonotryx lived deeper in the Sea than had been supposed,
and a delighted and grateful universe burst into acclamation. The
Peince oe Wales became what Tom Hood called “ Chairman of the Glorious Apollos,” that is, Master of the Apollo Lodge; and the
Loud Chief Justice gave Mu. Onslow and Mu. Whalley a tremendous wigging, and fined each of them £100 for their over
zeal in the cause of their friend the ex-Claimant.
Convocation entirely smoothed the difficulties of those who disapprove the Athanasian Creed, by declaring that it really meant
nothing but what we all hold to be true, and that it is not at all menacing. All parties instantly embraced with a fervour that did
them. infinite honour, and this redintegratio amoris enabled Mu. Gladstone utterly to floor Mu. Miall, and execute a dance upon his
remains. The Shah began to come, and became the most awful nuisance (it was not his fault, however), until he had visited Eng-
land, had caused fathers and husbands more botheration than Persia itself is worth, and had gone away amid the roars of cannon and the
execrations of Paterfamilias. All the hack prophets vented idiotic predictions about the Derby, which we need not say was won by a
horse which no one but Mr. Punch announced would be victor. The Alexandra Palace shared the fate of Persepolis after Alexander’s
Feast. Mu. Hawkins invited a jury to find the ex-Claimant guilty of perjury.
Our American cousins very properly polished off the Modocs, in spite of sentimental ululation from folks who live very far out. of
danger from any savages. The Russians, having quite satisfied the very good-natured Loud Guxnville that they were going to war with
Khiva only to punish offences, and would at once return, went to war, conquered, cleverly annexed an important region, and have
left the very good-natured Loud GuANViLLEto explain to Parliament that he has been done. We held Hospital Sunday, and London
behaved in a very mean way, the people at St. Paul’s giving only £500. However, they elevated themselves by getting on the chairs
to stare at the Puince and Princess of Wales. Mu. Foley’s noble statue of Outuam was placed near the York column, and
excited the admiration of everybody, but before the year was out the work was taken away, to go to India.
Then we began to know that we were going to have an Ashantee war. This was in July. What has followed is fresh enough in
[January 3, 1874.
THE YEAR 1873.
dopting, partially, the entirely useless and excessively annoying
custom which induces his contemporaries to spoil their New Year’s
Day issue with a recapitulation of the events of the past year,
in lieu of the usual scholarly, suggestive, or smart leading articles,
Mr. Punch devotes a portion of his invaluable space to a brief
but brilliant reference to the leading incidents of the last twelve
months. With his usual consideration and kindness, he begs that
no person will peruse this contrary to his wish, but Mr. Punch
warns every person who omits to read what follows, that he will
never know what he has lost. Inappropriately quoting
“ He that is robbed, not knowing what is stolen,
Let him not know it, he’s not robbed at all,”
to
A Ni e, o U FO N
t> £ L
Mr. Punch now calls upon Mnemosyne to dictate
speak distinctly and mind her stops :—
His Holiness the Pope discovered and announced his own likeness
to Tobit, and some persons who do not usually agree with His
Holiness, approved this comparison, as Tobit became supernaturally
blind for a season. The Challenger discovered that the little fish
called the Gonotryx lived deeper in the Sea than had been supposed,
and a delighted and grateful universe burst into acclamation. The
Peince oe Wales became what Tom Hood called “ Chairman of the Glorious Apollos,” that is, Master of the Apollo Lodge; and the
Loud Chief Justice gave Mu. Onslow and Mu. Whalley a tremendous wigging, and fined each of them £100 for their over
zeal in the cause of their friend the ex-Claimant.
Convocation entirely smoothed the difficulties of those who disapprove the Athanasian Creed, by declaring that it really meant
nothing but what we all hold to be true, and that it is not at all menacing. All parties instantly embraced with a fervour that did
them. infinite honour, and this redintegratio amoris enabled Mu. Gladstone utterly to floor Mu. Miall, and execute a dance upon his
remains. The Shah began to come, and became the most awful nuisance (it was not his fault, however), until he had visited Eng-
land, had caused fathers and husbands more botheration than Persia itself is worth, and had gone away amid the roars of cannon and the
execrations of Paterfamilias. All the hack prophets vented idiotic predictions about the Derby, which we need not say was won by a
horse which no one but Mr. Punch announced would be victor. The Alexandra Palace shared the fate of Persepolis after Alexander’s
Feast. Mu. Hawkins invited a jury to find the ex-Claimant guilty of perjury.
Our American cousins very properly polished off the Modocs, in spite of sentimental ululation from folks who live very far out. of
danger from any savages. The Russians, having quite satisfied the very good-natured Loud Guxnville that they were going to war with
Khiva only to punish offences, and would at once return, went to war, conquered, cleverly annexed an important region, and have
left the very good-natured Loud GuANViLLEto explain to Parliament that he has been done. We held Hospital Sunday, and London
behaved in a very mean way, the people at St. Paul’s giving only £500. However, they elevated themselves by getting on the chairs
to stare at the Puince and Princess of Wales. Mu. Foley’s noble statue of Outuam was placed near the York column, and
excited the admiration of everybody, but before the year was out the work was taken away, to go to India.
Then we began to know that we were going to have an Ashantee war. This was in July. What has followed is fresh enough in