Punch (66.1874)

22

PUNCH, OP THE LONDON CHARIVARI

[January IT, 1874.

A GOODY-GOODY POEM.

“Don’t throw it away on the pavement,” I say;
While your fruit you enjoy, learn for others to feel.

airly proud, Mr.
Punch introduces the
following little gem,
which has been sent
him by an unknown
hut benevolent friend.
The sentiment is so
amiable that it needs
no recommendation.
Refined readers will
please, in considera-
tion of the virtuous
purpose, to forget the
little fact that nobody
eats oranges in the
street except the class
to whom such an ap-
peal would be made in
vain.

“Buy my Oranges,
buy! ” is a winter-
time cry,

That needs to go
with it, “ Take care
with the peel.”

HALT-CROWN V. TLORIN.

Says the Half-Crown to the Florin,

“ You’re un-English to the core—

Your very name is foreign—

As your conduct is, still more.

’Twixt the Crown and its better half
You have thrust your ugly mug in,

And with decimal-system chaff
Fools succeeded in humbuggin’.

“ You ’ve edged the little sixpence
Out of hosts of payments meanly,

Where poor devils used to kicks pence
Must feel the loss of, keenly.

A florin-tip is shabby,

Where a half-crown tip’s the thing
And the curse of the wronged Cabby
Should to your base metal cling !

‘ ‘ The road that you have followed
By long faces one may track—

Here, a flunkey glum and gravelled,

There, a schoolboy looking black !

Your fine decimal relations
No comfort; bring poor men ;

They prefer my deviations
From the iron rule of ten.

“ To the decimal conformity
Of your two hobs I how,

But proudly the enormity
Of sixpence more avow.

Methinks you should feel humbled—

Or, if you don’t, I do,

To be felt for, and forth fumbled,

The sixpence first, then you.

“ But for shillings twain you figure ;

A sixpence more I join ;

So, though not appreciably bigger,

Am one-fifth a better coin.

To say nothing of the lineage
That the Crown and me unites,

Which is not all gammon and spinach,
Whate’er Dllke speaks or writes.

“ No cesthetical perfection
You can claim for your bare face ;
Though to Florence you connection,

Ana your source to Arno, trace.

I say you ’re an impostor;

Whose springs Tower-ditch * can claim,
And all whose Tuscan boasts are
Founded only on a name.

“ You ’re an upstart, whom the nation errs
In breeding from the brain
Of decimal notationers,

To work poor Britons bane.

Till, at last, sole sway contriving,

As nestling cuckoos do,

You ’re to oust the Half-Crown striving,
Who made kindly room for you.

For experience has taught, how, from mere want of thought,
Some very sad accidents happen each day ;

So many, in Town, by the peel are thrown down,

That I hope you will yours in the road throw away.

Just remember—to some, old age has now come,

Who are weak and short-sighted ; yet not these alone:

Some that slip down are young, and you might he among
Those injured for life, by some orange-peel thrown.

Eat the fruit, so you should, it’s delicious and good,

A wholesome dessert it is after a meal;

But if ate in the street, don’t throw under feet
The peel—for I want you for others to feel.

Senex et Sentlis.

An Answer to an Ecclesiastical Correspondent.—'“Gregory's Powder.”
Quite right. You win your bet. The Rev. Mr. Gregory first invented his
own powder, and then, as an appropriate compliment, he was made a Canon.

‘ ‘ But J ohn Bull will not stand it;

Spite of decimals and dodgers,

To Freemantle he ’ll send mandate
To keep his old purse-lodgers.

If or Half-Crown or Florin are
I’ the Mint to be put down,

He ’ll cry, ‘ Exeat the foreigner,

And leave me the Half-Crown ! ’ ”

* On the edge of which stands the Mint.

University Intelligence.

Undergradeatesses at Cambridge. Ladies are to be
admitted as Members of the University. Three Graces
have passed the Senate. Next year the Margaret Pro-
fessorship will be held by a young Lady. So will the
Divinity Professorship. The holder of the latter must
herself be a Divinity.