Punch (66.1874)

May 16, 1874.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

201

PUNCH’S ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

ast and furious
roared the storm
without, hut
within the courts
of Conservative
Castle, all was,
or at least seem-
ed, serene.

“ ‘ Watchman,
what of the
night?’ Such was
the question
which, roused
from the repose
befitting his good
grey head ‘ by
muffled murmurs,
as of mustering
hosts,’ the an-
cient, hut still fiery Loud Russell addressed to stalwart Lord Derby, warder
on the outer ward of the Castle, on the night of the fourth of May, 1874.

“ ‘ I try to peer into the dark,’ quoth the old Captain, ‘but I see nothing ;
only I can hear France grimly grinding her teeth and her weapons ; the clang of
Germany’s armour, as, season of rest though it be, she plies her sword and buckler
practice; the muffled tramp of Russia, drawing slowly, but surely, nearer
and nearer our Eastern borders ; Austria shifting uneasily, between Germany’s
sword-exercise and the onward drag of the Russian glacier, ‘ Ohne hast, ohne
vast.’ And the lesser Powers—hark, how their teeth chatter, for all their
guarantees! ’

“ ‘ I hear all you hear, my Lord,’ answered the Warder, ‘but I see and know
nothing. _ I can but keep a good look-out, and pass the “All’s well!” from
time to time. Meanwhile, we must trust iu Providence, and keep our powder
dry—what there is of it,’ he added, with a shrug.

“ And so they parted—the Warner and the Warder ! ”

The Blindivorms : a Romance of History. Chapter last hut one.

Lord Russell was going to have asked a question about Uncle Sam’s refusal
of compensation to Canadians for Fenian-raid losses, but forbore, finding U. S.
has given no directions for answering either questions or demands. En
passant, Lord Russell lifts the one hand absolutely clean of the dirt of the
Washington Treaty (kneaded into humble-pie at Geneva for John Bull’s
eating), to arraign the Government that negotiated that Treaty as having
“ tarnished the national honour, lowered the national character, and sacrificed
the national interest.” (Stronger language this, my dear Lord, than we are in
the habit of using, now-a-days, in Peers or Commons either.)

In the Commons, we had a good deal of confused talk; about our White
Elephant on the Gold Coast. Are we to wash our hands of it as clean as we
can, or go on messing, or, if there is a third course, what is it ? Nobody wishes
us to stop. Everybody feels we can’t go, except the Members for Crotchet-
Ville, Sir Wilfred Lawson and Mr. Richard. We have castles (such as they
are), and a trade (such as it is), and treaties (such as never were), with King
Quashes, and King Coffee, and King Bugaboo; and we can’t leave the
White-man’s coast-clearing,—even though it be, a good deal of it, laid down
in White-man’s grave,—to drop back into utter bush and barbarism.

Mr. Knatchbull-Hugessen gave a more full, true, and particular account

of the growth of the Ashantee quarrel than John Bull
has yet had. It seems pretty clear the row couldn’t be
helped. Coffee thought he was more than a match
for us, and had made up his mind to trial by battle, and
only used the Elrnina business as a peg to hang his black
glove on.

Nothing came of the night’s palaver but an adjourn-
ment, and an assurance that Government has nearly
made up its large mind what to do in the matter, and
will let us know the result “before the grouse scatter
the House.”

Tuesday.—The Lords really did a stroke of business
on the Lands Transfer Bill: though they did adjourn at
half-past seven.

Sir G. Bowyer asked a question, and got his answer.
Did Mr. Disraeli know that the Irish Judges all
wanted Irish Appeals left to the House of Lords?
Yes, Mr. Disraeli did know—supposing that is, the
Lords were left with any Appeal Jurisdiction at all. If
not, the Irish Judges wished that the Appellant goose,
of England, Scotland, and Ireland, should, be cooked by
the same cook and with the same sauce.

Mr. Eustace Smith wants a Committee to inquire
into the Marine Department of the Board of Trade.
Lord Eslington told him, and us, how the Department,
in discharge of its recent duties, out of 264 ships de-
tained by it had pronounced 234 unseaworthy, and of
twenty-two stopped for over-loading had lightened every
one.

Sir Charles Adderley deprecated Inquiry Number
Two while Inquiry Number One (under the Duke of
Somerset’s Commission) is still in progress. (Sit down,
Smith, and shut up.)

The Committee o"f Council have lowered the Education
standard which little out-door Paupers must jump over
before they are allowed to earn wages. So, to-night, the
late Educators, Right Honourables Forster and Lowe,
with Kay-Shuttleworth and Playfair, &c., had it out
with Lord Sandon, and divided against him 202 to 265.

Present Committee of Council says Standard five is too
high for decent national school children—only 372,000
out of a million and a quarter jump over even Standard
three. To keep up the standard means keeping little
paupers in school, and out of work till thirteen—which
is absurd.

“ Not so absurd,” say the Educators. It is their only
chance of getting unpauperised. Our school standards
are too low as it is. Lowering still further will be fatal
—the small end of the wedge to split the slowly-growing
tree of knowledge. And so says Punch, who will fight
till he drops on this Education line by the side of his
friend Forster. Meanwhile, the standard is lowered
only for this year and the next. We hate lowering
it at all, in face of the enemy; but many things may
happen before 1875.

Mr. Lowe came out gallantly in his great perform-
ance of the “ Standard-Bearer,” being the first time, if
Punch is not mistaken, that this distinguished artist
has favoured us this season.

Wednesday.—Mr. Mundella moved the Second Read-
ing of his Amended Factory Act—to raise half- timers’ age
from eight to ten; full-timers from thirteen to fourteen;
and reduce working hours, of mill-hands from sixty to
fifty-four.

Mr. Mundella’s statistics and reasons read strong.
Question is, first, should this be done ? and, secondly,
can it be done? Professor Fawcett says “No” to
the first question: but practice and experience are
against him. It is done now, and done, all agree, to
the good of all concerned. Can the movement against
hours long for all, and too long for the weak—(women
and children are both weak, as against men, Professor;
and where is an adult wife’s protection against her own
self-sacrificing love, or a brute of a husband?),—be
carried further without crippling our own production,
and giving our rivals a dangerous pull of us ? Doctors
differ. Many masters (in and out of the House) say
“ No : ” most of the men (and still more of the women
and children, we suspect) say “Yes.”

Mr. Cross—Was there ever such an audacious new
broom!—actually proffers to the disputants something
more specific than “consideration”—a Bill to fix Factory
hours at twelve per day (from six to six, or seven to
seven, at choice) ,_and six on Saturdays, i.e., fifty-six
hours a week,
and then ten.

Half-timers’ age to be nine till 1875,