Punch (66.1874)

258

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 20, LS74.

GLADSTONE ON PAIR PLAY.

(See Times, June 10th.)

“ Fair Play ! ” says Gladstone, and Punch says it, too ;
Thanks for the lesson needed sore this year.
Gladstonian wisdom on the Miner’s ear

Failing some good may do.

May those that work in caverns black as night,

Gain from thy Davy unexplosive light.

Thou who hast worked away with stress more strenuous,
Than any Miner in the Shire of Chester,

Turning from party-wars to talk with Nestor,

Canst safely be ingenuous,

Saying, “We boast, sons of the Northern Sea,

That in our Isle Minorities are free.”

If in this realm mere numbers are to bind
The ways of men, and their free action fetter,

“ The sooner we get out of it the better,”

And give the immortal mind
Full space to breathe, untrammelled by the panic
Of Hands on Strike, in Freedom’s name tyrannic.

Ah, human nature is a changeless thing!

Put power in horny hands, and soon they are
Swift to “ put down ” as those of sternest Czar,

Or of most Christian King.
Workmen treat Workmen as Cain treated Abel,

And prating Progress Progress prove a fable !

Well, let us hope these Cestrians will grow wiser,
Having, what seldom in these days is found,

Apollo stooping to their common ground,

A Gladstone for adviser:

And may the great truth sound from sea to sea,

England is England only while she’s free.—

King, Priest, Lord, Workman, whoso tyrant be !

LIBERTY v. LICENCE.

Scene—London. Time, 1880. Enter Two Citizens. They embrace.

First Citizen. And so, my friend, you have been round the world
since last we met ?

Second Citizen. Indeed I have ; and as I could get no journal on
my travels, I am anxious to learn the latest news. Bat first let me
give your little son a penny, that he may buy some sweets.

First Citizen. A thousand thanks. But the sweet-stuff shops are
closed at one, and (looking at his watch) it is now past three o’clock.
He shall keep it until to-morrow.

Second Citizen. Let him buy a toy.

First Citizen. The toy-shops do not open until after six.

Second Citizen. Then let him get a bun.

First Citizen. The bakers close at nine, the grocers at eleven, the
milliners (the gods be praised !) at noon.

Second Citizen. Dear, dear ! I promised to buy my wife a bonnet.

First Citizen. They may admit you if you can prove yourself a
bond fide purchaser.

Second Citizen. Anon, anon; but now I faint with heat and
hunger. Pray, my good friend, send to the butcher’s to get me a
steak. Your little son can go. Doubtless he knows the way.

First Citizen. It would be useless. They close at 4 a.m.

Second Citizen. Then is nothing open the livelong day ?

First Citizen. Oh yes—the Cemetery !

[Exit Second Citizen hurriedly, to go round the world again.

Those Wonderful Chatham Guns 3

The Broad Arrow of June 6th informs its readers that, at twelve
o’clock on the Queen's Birthday, the “guns of Fort Amherst com-
menced firing a Royal salute, and afterwards gave three hearty
cheers /” One has heard of these brazen mouths “ speaking,” meta-
phorically, but to hear of them cheering literally is quite new.
This was cannon-ading Chatham to honour the Queen’s birthday
with a vengeance.

“NECESSITY is the mother of INVENTION.”

The Rev. Duodecimus Lazarus Quiverful, finding that his Means are limited in proportion to his rapidly-increasing
Family, adopts a Method whereby he can combine Exercise for himself and them, and Economy for all.