DOI issue:
May 1, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17763#0209
204 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat i, isoo.
Quoth they, “ A new trick of the Arch-Deluder !
Let us muster and kick out this base intruder.”
rv.
Bat he advanced to the Council table,
And.Please your Worships,” said he, “ I’m able,
By means of a secret charm, to draw
All creatures—with ears—beneath the sun ;
After me they are bound to run
In such a style as you never saw.
I’m willing1,” said he, “to try my charm
On the Tories—they ’re doing the country harm.
I ’in also possessed of a spell, you’ll see,
To strengthen limp Libs, who’ve gone weak at the knee;
The time-serving Bat and the envious Viper ;
And they call me Wandering Willie the Piper.”
And. here they observed that he carried his pipes,
This man of the breeze-blown Galashiels stripes,
And his lingers, they noticed, were ever straying,
As if impatient to be playing. _ _ y
But the Big-Whigs looked just a little bit cool,
Inclined to believe that the man was a fool;
Whilst the Tories yelled “ Yori may do your worst,
And blow away till your Bagpipes burst.”
v.
Into the street the Piper stept,
Smiling a little sardonic smile,
As if he knew what music slept,
In his quiet pipes the while.
Then like a regular Scotch adept,
To blow the pipes his lips he bagged,
His fingers flew, ne’er a moment they lagged,
And e’er three notes the pipes had uttered
You heard as if all Scotland muttered ;
And the muttering grew to a mighty roaring,
And out of their strongholds the Tories came pouring,
With many a grunt and many a groan:
And not the Tory hosts alone,
But the Liberal rats. There were swell rats, seedy rats,
Bold rats, timid rats, plump rats, greedy rats,
Nor the rats and the Tories alone came forth,
But the long-silent Radical hosts of the North,
Willingly, gleefvlly, shouting and cheering,
Heedless of “ fagots,” of jibe, and of jeering,
Grave old plodders, and gay young friskers,
Grandfathers, fathers, sons, uncles, and cousins;
Greybeards, boys with scaree-buddiug whiskers,
Valiant voters, by twos, tens, dozens.
And as still that Piper (a plague on him!) played,
Not the North alone in his train was arrayed,
But the Voters flocked from east, west, south,
And the Midlands, witched by that magical mouth ;
Voters from counties, and cities, and boroughs,
From toil at the furnace, from work at the furrows ;
Voters from mansion, mart, meadow, and mine,
Voters of all sorts and sizes, in fine,
Bushing and crushing, ran eagerly after
That wonderful music, with shouting and laughter.
Then the Big-Whigs stared, and the Tories stood
A s if they were changed into blocks of wood,
Unable to fashion a fetching cry
To raUy those Voters hurrying by—
Could only follow with envious eye,
Hearts in the doldrums and heads on the rack,
That numberless crowd at the Piper’s back,
A mighty flood whose resistless roll
Swept that Piper’s foes from their place at the Poll.
******
So Willie has proved to be surest of wipers
Of scores out with Tories, who hate all such Pipers.
He has piped us free of the Jingoes—they ’re no miss!—
And he promises well. May he keep his promise !
Sally from Below Stairs.
The subject of Vaccination has again turned up, and arguments
are advanced anew for obtaining vaccine lymph from the Calf. Mr.
John Thomas writes to say that he would prefer being vaccinated in
the arm.
Appropriate Performance.— George Barnwell at the Gaiety.
“ Very tragical mirth.”
Now Titles are going, who’s to have the Earldom of Earlswood ?
The Universal
Sarah has
again, under
the gad-fly sting
of criticism,
kicked over the
ropes, and fairly
bolted from the
Frans ais. Her
present address
is St. Addresse,
near Havre. She
is determined to
have so much, at
least, of the saint
about her.
The world has
been informed
that she has
declared her in-
tention of devot-
ing herself to
painting and
sculpture, and
playing no
longer, after she
has fulfilled her
English engagement."! But then (ask these abominable critics again)
at her painting and sculpture has she not been playing till now,
and will she not go on playing as much as ever ? On this point,
as on all, Sarah appeals from her critics to the public.
Some of the former declare that her present retreat to St. Andresse
is mere matter of addrsss.
As the French proverb puts it, “ Elle recide pour mieux sauter /”
or, in the words of the immortal Williams, she makes herself scarce,
that—
“ Being wanted, slie may be more wondered at! ”
The difficulty with this eccentric Lady is not to say, “ die Sard ? ”
but “ che non Sard ? ”
Till she takes herself, her life, and her many arts au serieux,
there can be little chance of the critics doing so. Bn attendant she
must be content, “ grande tragedienne,” as she would be willingly
accepted, to pass for a “farceuse” who likes nothing so much
as to poke fun at the public, and to mystify those who are simple
enough to interest themselves about her vagaries.
NOT TOO LATE YET.
[Apropos of a Monument not yet in the Alley.)
Says the Duke of W. to the Dean of W.,
“ You see how things are going, Mr. Dean,
And e’en at this late hour I ’ll make bold to trouble you,
To ponder what these late elections mean.
“ I must' confess to me it’s as plain as A B C,—
And to you the fact may not seem immaterial,—
That the People’s voice is clear to all who care to hear,
‘ We ’ll have nought to do with anything Imperial.’ ”
Says the Dean of W. to the Duke of W.,
“There’s something in the inference, your Grace;
I am open to conviction, and to stop all further friction,
Suppose we found the Prince another place! ”
Marry in Haste, and Repent at Leisure.
As this is Leap Year, we may remind our marriageable readers of
both sexes that the Germans call April 21 the “Buss-tag,” meaning
the Day of Repentance. Too many a British lad and lass after
the April Fool game of “ Kiss in the Bing,” have had reason to keep
their Buss-tag as a day of repentance ever afterwards !
NO MORE WANTED.
There is said to be an increase this month in one item of our
imports from France—the Article of Jesuits—of which there is only
already too large a stock in this country.
Erratum.—The “ Apropos Anagram ” in our last should have been printed
—“William E. Gladstone—As willing to lead ’em..”
BOLTED AGAIN.
Quoth they, “ A new trick of the Arch-Deluder !
Let us muster and kick out this base intruder.”
rv.
Bat he advanced to the Council table,
And.Please your Worships,” said he, “ I’m able,
By means of a secret charm, to draw
All creatures—with ears—beneath the sun ;
After me they are bound to run
In such a style as you never saw.
I’m willing1,” said he, “to try my charm
On the Tories—they ’re doing the country harm.
I ’in also possessed of a spell, you’ll see,
To strengthen limp Libs, who’ve gone weak at the knee;
The time-serving Bat and the envious Viper ;
And they call me Wandering Willie the Piper.”
And. here they observed that he carried his pipes,
This man of the breeze-blown Galashiels stripes,
And his lingers, they noticed, were ever straying,
As if impatient to be playing. _ _ y
But the Big-Whigs looked just a little bit cool,
Inclined to believe that the man was a fool;
Whilst the Tories yelled “ Yori may do your worst,
And blow away till your Bagpipes burst.”
v.
Into the street the Piper stept,
Smiling a little sardonic smile,
As if he knew what music slept,
In his quiet pipes the while.
Then like a regular Scotch adept,
To blow the pipes his lips he bagged,
His fingers flew, ne’er a moment they lagged,
And e’er three notes the pipes had uttered
You heard as if all Scotland muttered ;
And the muttering grew to a mighty roaring,
And out of their strongholds the Tories came pouring,
With many a grunt and many a groan:
And not the Tory hosts alone,
But the Liberal rats. There were swell rats, seedy rats,
Bold rats, timid rats, plump rats, greedy rats,
Nor the rats and the Tories alone came forth,
But the long-silent Radical hosts of the North,
Willingly, gleefvlly, shouting and cheering,
Heedless of “ fagots,” of jibe, and of jeering,
Grave old plodders, and gay young friskers,
Grandfathers, fathers, sons, uncles, and cousins;
Greybeards, boys with scaree-buddiug whiskers,
Valiant voters, by twos, tens, dozens.
And as still that Piper (a plague on him!) played,
Not the North alone in his train was arrayed,
But the Voters flocked from east, west, south,
And the Midlands, witched by that magical mouth ;
Voters from counties, and cities, and boroughs,
From toil at the furnace, from work at the furrows ;
Voters from mansion, mart, meadow, and mine,
Voters of all sorts and sizes, in fine,
Bushing and crushing, ran eagerly after
That wonderful music, with shouting and laughter.
Then the Big-Whigs stared, and the Tories stood
A s if they were changed into blocks of wood,
Unable to fashion a fetching cry
To raUy those Voters hurrying by—
Could only follow with envious eye,
Hearts in the doldrums and heads on the rack,
That numberless crowd at the Piper’s back,
A mighty flood whose resistless roll
Swept that Piper’s foes from their place at the Poll.
******
So Willie has proved to be surest of wipers
Of scores out with Tories, who hate all such Pipers.
He has piped us free of the Jingoes—they ’re no miss!—
And he promises well. May he keep his promise !
Sally from Below Stairs.
The subject of Vaccination has again turned up, and arguments
are advanced anew for obtaining vaccine lymph from the Calf. Mr.
John Thomas writes to say that he would prefer being vaccinated in
the arm.
Appropriate Performance.— George Barnwell at the Gaiety.
“ Very tragical mirth.”
Now Titles are going, who’s to have the Earldom of Earlswood ?
The Universal
Sarah has
again, under
the gad-fly sting
of criticism,
kicked over the
ropes, and fairly
bolted from the
Frans ais. Her
present address
is St. Addresse,
near Havre. She
is determined to
have so much, at
least, of the saint
about her.
The world has
been informed
that she has
declared her in-
tention of devot-
ing herself to
painting and
sculpture, and
playing no
longer, after she
has fulfilled her
English engagement."! But then (ask these abominable critics again)
at her painting and sculpture has she not been playing till now,
and will she not go on playing as much as ever ? On this point,
as on all, Sarah appeals from her critics to the public.
Some of the former declare that her present retreat to St. Andresse
is mere matter of addrsss.
As the French proverb puts it, “ Elle recide pour mieux sauter /”
or, in the words of the immortal Williams, she makes herself scarce,
that—
“ Being wanted, slie may be more wondered at! ”
The difficulty with this eccentric Lady is not to say, “ die Sard ? ”
but “ che non Sard ? ”
Till she takes herself, her life, and her many arts au serieux,
there can be little chance of the critics doing so. Bn attendant she
must be content, “ grande tragedienne,” as she would be willingly
accepted, to pass for a “farceuse” who likes nothing so much
as to poke fun at the public, and to mystify those who are simple
enough to interest themselves about her vagaries.
NOT TOO LATE YET.
[Apropos of a Monument not yet in the Alley.)
Says the Duke of W. to the Dean of W.,
“ You see how things are going, Mr. Dean,
And e’en at this late hour I ’ll make bold to trouble you,
To ponder what these late elections mean.
“ I must' confess to me it’s as plain as A B C,—
And to you the fact may not seem immaterial,—
That the People’s voice is clear to all who care to hear,
‘ We ’ll have nought to do with anything Imperial.’ ”
Says the Dean of W. to the Duke of W.,
“There’s something in the inference, your Grace;
I am open to conviction, and to stop all further friction,
Suppose we found the Prince another place! ”
Marry in Haste, and Repent at Leisure.
As this is Leap Year, we may remind our marriageable readers of
both sexes that the Germans call April 21 the “Buss-tag,” meaning
the Day of Repentance. Too many a British lad and lass after
the April Fool game of “ Kiss in the Bing,” have had reason to keep
their Buss-tag as a day of repentance ever afterwards !
NO MORE WANTED.
There is said to be an increase this month in one item of our
imports from France—the Article of Jesuits—of which there is only
already too large a stock in this country.
Erratum.—The “ Apropos Anagram ” in our last should have been printed
—“William E. Gladstone—As willing to lead ’em..”
BOLTED AGAIN.