DOI issue:
September 25, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0151
September 25, 1880.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
143
A VERY SHADY SIDE OF PALL MALL.
The superficial observer would suppose that this was
quite the principal street in London. It contains nearly
a dozen English palaces called Clubs, the price for a
back room on the third floor is seldom less than one
hundred a year, and the Prince of Wales lives, at 65.
This ought to be enough to give an aristocratic tone
to the street, but unfortunately it contains an Arcade—
an Opera Arcade—and since the “dark arches” of the
Adelphi have lost their popularity, this Arcade is the
chosen resort of the midnight tramp. A few coffee-
stalls form what an advertiser would call an al fresco
cafe, the steps under the columns are more comfortable
than a three-penny lodging-house, the well-paid cabmen,
on their way back from Pimlico to Theobald’s Road,
supply the “ SweU” element, and the “ gay ” contingent
is represented by a few draggle-tailed female phantoms
whose language comes untranslated from Ratcliffe High-
way. Emboldened by the patronage of Club porters
and gentlemen’s servants, these muddy Venuses and
their companions are very liberal in their attentions to
passers-by, and being so near Scotland Y ard, they enjoy
a freedom from Police interference which would not be
accorded to them in Whitechapel. Perhaps, when. the
Harley Street murder is discovered, and the .Authorities
are not quite so over-worked, they wiR give a little
attention to the Bottom as well as to the Top of the
Gay-Market.
A SAD SHELLEYGSWORTH.
Time was when English maids and wives
Led modest and secluded lives ;
But in these latter days they vie
In seeking base publicity.
The face that once at home would shine—
The glory of the ancient line—
The lips, the sweetest under sun,
That in old days smiled but for one ;
The eyes that veiled themselves always
Beneath the rude observer’s gaze ;
All these, if haply he be willing,—
The Cad can purchase for a shilling!
BY A TRAVELLING EELLOW.
“An Unknown Quantity”—abroad.. The amount of
water required by a Briton for his morning’s bath.
Motto eor Haberdashers (adapted from the Rules
of Vingt-et- Un).—“ Ties pay the dealer.”
A POOR RELATION.
Mrs. Jones—nee JDe Topsawyer (to ragged old Seneschal, who is showing her and
her party the Tomb of William the Conqueror). “ C’est trays anterressong dogs
mwaw, voo savvy. Parsker Je sweez oon dessondont de Gillyome le
CONKYRONG ! ”
Old Seneschal {bowing). “ Et moi aussi, Madame ! ” [Disgust of Mrs. J.
LOOKING LOR A SITE.
The following communications (among thousands of others on the
same subject) have found their way into our letter-box:—
Sir,
Nothing is easier than to find a new site for a Flower
and Vegetable Market. The Royal Commissioners for the Exhi-
bition of 1851 have never been able to utilise profitably a portion of
their land. Now is the time for seizing the opportunity of turning
their greatest incubus to good account.
In a sentence, why not send Mud Salad Market, with its unsavoury
etceteras, to the Gardens of the Royal Horticultural Society, South
Kensington? A Philanthropist.
Sir,
The scandal of the hour (indirectly shared by all London)
affects us very much. Quite a number of carts, laden with vege-
tables, pass every night down the Kensington Road, within a few
hundred yards . of our very windows! Send the Market to Bays-
water. There is a spot specially adapted to the purpose, close to a
house called The Retreat.
A Practical Man.
South Kensington (opposite the Horticultural Gardens).
Sir,
Will you permit us to suggest an alternative site to that
at present occupied by Mud-Salad Market. The new Law Courts
are, from an architectural point of view, a disgrace to the Metropolis.
Surely they might be pulled down and the space utilised for the
erection of a commodious receptacle for fruit, flowers, and vegetables!
The stoppage in Fleet Street caused by the market carts, &c., would
not be much greater than that already arising from the erection of
the new granite substitute for Temple Bar.
We shall be very happy to take the matter in hand professionally,
and can guarantee a satisfactory result to aU parties. Enclosing our
Business Card, we remain, Sir, your obedient servants,
Gothic Chambers, Tudor, Gabel, & Co.,
Westminster. Architects.
Sir,
By all means move Mud-Salad Market. It is easy enough
to find a site. Why not the grounds of Buckingham Palace, or the
Temple Gardens. What on earth can lawyers want with gardens ?
Or.the Zoo ? If the beasts were allowed to remain, they would feel
quite at home in the general row and confusion. Or South Ken-
sington Museum ? It is already full of curiosities, and the market
would be a valuable addition to the collection. Is the Thames
Tunnel large enough ? It would be nice and cool in the summer.
Some of the City Companies would only be too happy to give up
their Halls for such a public benefit. They always are.
Uanwell. Common Sense.
UNHEALTHY EMPLOYMENT.
The occupation of a Reviewer. At his best, when at work, he is
always in a critical condition.
A new Hatch’em Case.—The Person who laid an Information is
now sitting on a J ury.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
143
A VERY SHADY SIDE OF PALL MALL.
The superficial observer would suppose that this was
quite the principal street in London. It contains nearly
a dozen English palaces called Clubs, the price for a
back room on the third floor is seldom less than one
hundred a year, and the Prince of Wales lives, at 65.
This ought to be enough to give an aristocratic tone
to the street, but unfortunately it contains an Arcade—
an Opera Arcade—and since the “dark arches” of the
Adelphi have lost their popularity, this Arcade is the
chosen resort of the midnight tramp. A few coffee-
stalls form what an advertiser would call an al fresco
cafe, the steps under the columns are more comfortable
than a three-penny lodging-house, the well-paid cabmen,
on their way back from Pimlico to Theobald’s Road,
supply the “ SweU” element, and the “ gay ” contingent
is represented by a few draggle-tailed female phantoms
whose language comes untranslated from Ratcliffe High-
way. Emboldened by the patronage of Club porters
and gentlemen’s servants, these muddy Venuses and
their companions are very liberal in their attentions to
passers-by, and being so near Scotland Y ard, they enjoy
a freedom from Police interference which would not be
accorded to them in Whitechapel. Perhaps, when. the
Harley Street murder is discovered, and the .Authorities
are not quite so over-worked, they wiR give a little
attention to the Bottom as well as to the Top of the
Gay-Market.
A SAD SHELLEYGSWORTH.
Time was when English maids and wives
Led modest and secluded lives ;
But in these latter days they vie
In seeking base publicity.
The face that once at home would shine—
The glory of the ancient line—
The lips, the sweetest under sun,
That in old days smiled but for one ;
The eyes that veiled themselves always
Beneath the rude observer’s gaze ;
All these, if haply he be willing,—
The Cad can purchase for a shilling!
BY A TRAVELLING EELLOW.
“An Unknown Quantity”—abroad.. The amount of
water required by a Briton for his morning’s bath.
Motto eor Haberdashers (adapted from the Rules
of Vingt-et- Un).—“ Ties pay the dealer.”
A POOR RELATION.
Mrs. Jones—nee JDe Topsawyer (to ragged old Seneschal, who is showing her and
her party the Tomb of William the Conqueror). “ C’est trays anterressong dogs
mwaw, voo savvy. Parsker Je sweez oon dessondont de Gillyome le
CONKYRONG ! ”
Old Seneschal {bowing). “ Et moi aussi, Madame ! ” [Disgust of Mrs. J.
LOOKING LOR A SITE.
The following communications (among thousands of others on the
same subject) have found their way into our letter-box:—
Sir,
Nothing is easier than to find a new site for a Flower
and Vegetable Market. The Royal Commissioners for the Exhi-
bition of 1851 have never been able to utilise profitably a portion of
their land. Now is the time for seizing the opportunity of turning
their greatest incubus to good account.
In a sentence, why not send Mud Salad Market, with its unsavoury
etceteras, to the Gardens of the Royal Horticultural Society, South
Kensington? A Philanthropist.
Sir,
The scandal of the hour (indirectly shared by all London)
affects us very much. Quite a number of carts, laden with vege-
tables, pass every night down the Kensington Road, within a few
hundred yards . of our very windows! Send the Market to Bays-
water. There is a spot specially adapted to the purpose, close to a
house called The Retreat.
A Practical Man.
South Kensington (opposite the Horticultural Gardens).
Sir,
Will you permit us to suggest an alternative site to that
at present occupied by Mud-Salad Market. The new Law Courts
are, from an architectural point of view, a disgrace to the Metropolis.
Surely they might be pulled down and the space utilised for the
erection of a commodious receptacle for fruit, flowers, and vegetables!
The stoppage in Fleet Street caused by the market carts, &c., would
not be much greater than that already arising from the erection of
the new granite substitute for Temple Bar.
We shall be very happy to take the matter in hand professionally,
and can guarantee a satisfactory result to aU parties. Enclosing our
Business Card, we remain, Sir, your obedient servants,
Gothic Chambers, Tudor, Gabel, & Co.,
Westminster. Architects.
Sir,
By all means move Mud-Salad Market. It is easy enough
to find a site. Why not the grounds of Buckingham Palace, or the
Temple Gardens. What on earth can lawyers want with gardens ?
Or.the Zoo ? If the beasts were allowed to remain, they would feel
quite at home in the general row and confusion. Or South Ken-
sington Museum ? It is already full of curiosities, and the market
would be a valuable addition to the collection. Is the Thames
Tunnel large enough ? It would be nice and cool in the summer.
Some of the City Companies would only be too happy to give up
their Halls for such a public benefit. They always are.
Uanwell. Common Sense.
UNHEALTHY EMPLOYMENT.
The occupation of a Reviewer. At his best, when at work, he is
always in a critical condition.
A new Hatch’em Case.—The Person who laid an Information is
now sitting on a J ury.