Punch (79.1880)

174 PUNCH, OK THK LONDON CHAKXVAKL [October 16, 1880.

UNSETTLED POLITICAL CONVICTIONS.

Ever singe he was snubbed by the two Duchesses, last Season, Todeson has been an Advanced Liberal, and devoted

HIMSELF TO THAT FAIR DEMOCRAT, LADY CLARA ROBINSON VERB DE VERB), WHO TAKES SUCH AN INTEREST IN THE WORKING

Man, and whose Gilded Saloon is the rendezvous of all the titled Radicals of either Sex, and the Geniuses at whose

FEET THEY MAY BE SITTING. UNFORTUNATELY FOR POOR T., WHENEVER HE RECEIVES AN INVITATION FROM HER LADYSHIP, IT IS
NOT TO MEET THE TITLED RADICALS AND Co. IN THE GlLDED SaLOON, BUT TO TAKE TEA WITH THE WORKING MAN AND HIS FAMILY
in the Garden, and “help to amuse the dear creatures.”

He seriously thinks of turning Conservative again, hang it all !

PXJKITY OP ELECTION.

The Briborough Election Commission commenced yesterday before
Mr. Bumptious, Q,.C., Mr. Ballot (C.), and Mr. Box (jj.)

The case having been shortly opened, Mr. Ballot said the first
witness he would call would be Mr. Toady.

Mr. Box said his friend might call Mr. Toady till he was black in
the face.

Mr. Ballot said he was perfectly aware of that fact, and should
avail himself of his rights if he thought fit. He would call
Mr. Toady.

Mr. Bumptious, CJ.C., said that if the witness didn’t turn up
soon, he would make it lively for him. Where was the man
Toady ?

Mr. Box understood that he had left the town on hearing of these
proceedings.

Mr. Ballot would like to know who instigated him to that das-
tardly course of action.

Mr. Box wanted to know what his friend meant by that F

Mr. Ballot said if the cap fitted his friend, he might wear it.

Mr. Box intimated that there were certain persons who would be
worse fitted by a cap than a strait-waistcoat.

Mr. Ballot appealed to the Chief Commissioner for protection.

Mr. Bumptious, Q..C., threatened to commit everybody unless
something was done. He wasn’t going to sit there all day. He
wanted his lunch.

Mr. Slimb was then called :—

Mr. Ballot asked him if he had received £200 from the Liberal
Member P

Witness. Yes.

Mr. Ballot. Yes? Oh, you have, have you ? How then, be very
careful. What did you do with that ?

Witness. I put some on Robert the Devil-

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. If you dare to swear at me, and use that
bad language, I ’ll let you know where you are!

Witness. It is the name of a race-horse, Sir.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. Then keep your low stable jargon for some-
where else. What did you do with that money ?

Witness. I bought beer, Sir.

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C. Beer! And are you not ashamed of your-
self to stand up there in that box, and say you’ve drunk two hun-
dred pounds’ worth of beer ?

Mr. Ballot. He means that he bought beer to bribe Liberal voters
with.

Mr. Box. I protest against my learned friend’s putting words into
this witness’s mouth.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. I don’t want yqur protestations; and I can
assure you, Mr. Ballot, I can understand the meaning of the Eng-
lish language as well as you can. This man has spent two hundred
pounds in beer. He is evidently a notorious drunkard. He is not
sober now.

Witness. If you please, Sir, I am a teetotaller.

Mr. Bumptious, Q.C. Of course you are—of course. I don’t
think, Sir, you are to be believed on your oath. Leave the Court,
and don’t let me catch you here again.

Witness. It is very hard-

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. It will be very hard labour, if you don’t go.

Mr. Box. With your permission I will ask this witness a few
questions.

Mr. Bumptious, Q. C. Oh, all right—don’t mind me. I am no-
body here. Ask him a thousand, and I wish you joy of his answers.

Mr. Box. The two hundred you received from the Liberal Member
was a loan ?

Witness. Ho, it was not alone.

I Mr. Ballot. You hear that. Sir ? It was not a loan.