DOI issue:
November 6, 1880
DOI Page / Citation link:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17764#0215
November 6, 1880.] PUNCH, OR
But the Minister lingered. At last he ventured to say,
“ 0 Defender of the Faithful, deign to enlighten the
meanest of thy slaves! Why dost thou issue this Cir-
cular ? ”
“ Because I wish to obtain the sympathy of Europe,
whatever happens,” was the immediate answer.
“But how, 0 Lord of Lord-s ?—how F ”
“How! By paying one per cent, upon my Bonds,
stupid ! ”
“Ah! To he sure! Just so! And what caused
' thee, 0 Sire, to think of such a clever thing?” con-
tinued the obsequious official, impelled by a feeling of
overpowering curiosity.
“This admirable picture!” cried the Sultan, again
pulling the paper from his breast, and kissing it fer-
vently. “ Down on thy knees, dog, and worship it! ”
The Grand Vizier obeyed, and paid respectful homage
to Mr. Punch's Cartoon entitled “ Argumentum ad
Pocketumand bearing date Oct. 9.
THE CITY OF UNMITIGATED POT-HOUSES.
To the (Seldom-at-) Home Secretary.
Sir,—If it is possible for any Minister to spare time
from clumsy attempts to regulate the Universe, and to
learn that one parochial gutter well swept is worth a
hundred foreign dependencies over-governed into mad-
ness, it certainly would be advisable for that Minister
to grapple with our Licensing Chaos. The worship of
the Sacred Jackass is carried a little too far when this
Chaos is dignified with the name of System. Four mil-
lions of wretched rate- a.nd tax-payers, doomed to live in
the most dismal City of Unmitigated Pot-houses on the
face of the earth, are bound over, hand and foot, as far as
their amusements are concerned, to an irresponsible Court
Official and six hundred of the most ignorant, preju-
diced—possibly venal, and certainly narrow-minded-
creatures that a Lord-Lieutenant can pick out from the
dreary ranks of respectability. This unwieldy assembly,
with the exception of the Court Official, is set in motion
by a brutal Act of Parliament that is a notorious disgrace
to a not over-creditable Statute-Book. Originally framed
to stop the singing of Jacobite songs, which the Dutch
monarch of the period feared, but could neither read,
sing, nor understand, and ostensibly directed in the
coarsest terms against the “social evils” of 1750, this
precious sample of antique legislation has descended to
1880, and administered as it is by a body only worthy of
such an Act, it now paralyses the amusements of four
millions of Londoners, ©nee during its long existence it
has been amended or tinkered, but in a way that reflects
the utmost discredit on its timid tinkers. When it was
discovered, about three or four years ago, that, under its
heaven-born provisions, a few harmless old women sitting
at a concert before five o’elock in the afternoon were com-
mitting an indictable offence, it was thought by those
who knew little of the cowardice of weak-kneed Govern-
ments, that the days of this triumph of legislative wisdom
were certainly numbered. They were thoroughly mis-
taken. The ulcer was simply cut out, when the body
ought to have been strangled ; and the 25 Geo. II., cap. 36,
still remains to comfort the true worshippers of the Sacred
J'ackass.
Amongst the countless pot-houses in this City of Pot-
houses, there are about four hundred that hold a music
licence, and perhaps about twenty that hold a music and
dancing licence. The owners of these houses go to one
licensing anthoritv for tobacco, to another for beer, and
to another for the licence to sell wines and spirits. Thanks
to the Omnipotence of Gin and Beer in the councils of
the nation, they have little difficulty in obtaining the
drink licences if they stand well with the two great
drink-producing interests.
Of course the usual hypocrisy is shown in all public
debates, on this question. Every Member—Minister or
no Minister—carefully ignores the fact that one-third of
our enormous national expenditure is drawn from national
drunkenness ; and the unfortunate publicans are snubbed
and lectured, asTif they were criminals, instead of active
feeders of the Revenue. Any attempt to temper Gin
and Beer with Music and Dancing is resisted by the
compact Mawworm class, who rule the Licensing Sessions.
Ten thousand applications for Music and Dancing would
be made to-morrow, if there were anything like freedom
and wisdom in our Licensing Chaos. London would
THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
207
TOO TRUE!
The Colonel. “ What I suffer from is a neglected Education.”
Sir Gorgius Midas (whose main regret is that he was never at a Public School).
“ Neglected Education ? Why, ’ang it, you were brought up at Eton,
weren't you ? ”
The Colonel. “ Yes—that’s just it ! ”
become as sober and cheerful as Paris or Vienna. The sot would become a
singer, the wife-kicker a dancer ; and what would be lost in one way by the
Exchequer, would be gained in another. The million or more sterling now
invested in London Music-halls would be exposed to competition; but, on the
other hand, the owners of this property would feel an unwonted security in
their investments.
We mention These “vested interests,” because we know the weakness and the
composition of Governments ; but there is a broader ground on which to argue
this question—that of public convenience. The four millions of people in this
City of Unmitigated Pot-houses have a right to demand as many music and
dancing-rooms as they think they require; and the supply, we presume, as
usual, will follow the demand. If any one of these rooms is mismanaged, that
may be a reason for punishing the proprietor ; but it is no reason for closing
the rooms, any more than the adulteration of bread would be a reason for the
closing of a bakery. An ignorant and underpaid Policeman is not the proper
person to judge and report upon the management of public amusements, any
more than a sour body of unpaid Puritans—six hundred in number—is a fitting
body to license these amusements. If all the Conventicles of London were put
under the direction of six hundred Comic Singers, divided into a dozen or more
conflicting jurisdictions, it is possible that even the Meddlevex Magistrates, and
the worshippers of the Sacred Jackass would be converted to something like
reason and justice. Punch and Junius.
A LIBERAL OFFER.
Hooray ! Viva Italia ! A chance at last! The Italian Government are
offering £30,000 for a statue to Victor Emmanuel. Send over that amount, and
we will take it upon our responsibility to let you have the Temple Bar Memo-
rialising Gryphon, and, not to be mean, we will throw in a statue or two. You
pay the money, and you shall take your choice.
But the Minister lingered. At last he ventured to say,
“ 0 Defender of the Faithful, deign to enlighten the
meanest of thy slaves! Why dost thou issue this Cir-
cular ? ”
“ Because I wish to obtain the sympathy of Europe,
whatever happens,” was the immediate answer.
“But how, 0 Lord of Lord-s ?—how F ”
“How! By paying one per cent, upon my Bonds,
stupid ! ”
“Ah! To he sure! Just so! And what caused
' thee, 0 Sire, to think of such a clever thing?” con-
tinued the obsequious official, impelled by a feeling of
overpowering curiosity.
“This admirable picture!” cried the Sultan, again
pulling the paper from his breast, and kissing it fer-
vently. “ Down on thy knees, dog, and worship it! ”
The Grand Vizier obeyed, and paid respectful homage
to Mr. Punch's Cartoon entitled “ Argumentum ad
Pocketumand bearing date Oct. 9.
THE CITY OF UNMITIGATED POT-HOUSES.
To the (Seldom-at-) Home Secretary.
Sir,—If it is possible for any Minister to spare time
from clumsy attempts to regulate the Universe, and to
learn that one parochial gutter well swept is worth a
hundred foreign dependencies over-governed into mad-
ness, it certainly would be advisable for that Minister
to grapple with our Licensing Chaos. The worship of
the Sacred Jackass is carried a little too far when this
Chaos is dignified with the name of System. Four mil-
lions of wretched rate- a.nd tax-payers, doomed to live in
the most dismal City of Unmitigated Pot-houses on the
face of the earth, are bound over, hand and foot, as far as
their amusements are concerned, to an irresponsible Court
Official and six hundred of the most ignorant, preju-
diced—possibly venal, and certainly narrow-minded-
creatures that a Lord-Lieutenant can pick out from the
dreary ranks of respectability. This unwieldy assembly,
with the exception of the Court Official, is set in motion
by a brutal Act of Parliament that is a notorious disgrace
to a not over-creditable Statute-Book. Originally framed
to stop the singing of Jacobite songs, which the Dutch
monarch of the period feared, but could neither read,
sing, nor understand, and ostensibly directed in the
coarsest terms against the “social evils” of 1750, this
precious sample of antique legislation has descended to
1880, and administered as it is by a body only worthy of
such an Act, it now paralyses the amusements of four
millions of Londoners, ©nee during its long existence it
has been amended or tinkered, but in a way that reflects
the utmost discredit on its timid tinkers. When it was
discovered, about three or four years ago, that, under its
heaven-born provisions, a few harmless old women sitting
at a concert before five o’elock in the afternoon were com-
mitting an indictable offence, it was thought by those
who knew little of the cowardice of weak-kneed Govern-
ments, that the days of this triumph of legislative wisdom
were certainly numbered. They were thoroughly mis-
taken. The ulcer was simply cut out, when the body
ought to have been strangled ; and the 25 Geo. II., cap. 36,
still remains to comfort the true worshippers of the Sacred
J'ackass.
Amongst the countless pot-houses in this City of Pot-
houses, there are about four hundred that hold a music
licence, and perhaps about twenty that hold a music and
dancing licence. The owners of these houses go to one
licensing anthoritv for tobacco, to another for beer, and
to another for the licence to sell wines and spirits. Thanks
to the Omnipotence of Gin and Beer in the councils of
the nation, they have little difficulty in obtaining the
drink licences if they stand well with the two great
drink-producing interests.
Of course the usual hypocrisy is shown in all public
debates, on this question. Every Member—Minister or
no Minister—carefully ignores the fact that one-third of
our enormous national expenditure is drawn from national
drunkenness ; and the unfortunate publicans are snubbed
and lectured, asTif they were criminals, instead of active
feeders of the Revenue. Any attempt to temper Gin
and Beer with Music and Dancing is resisted by the
compact Mawworm class, who rule the Licensing Sessions.
Ten thousand applications for Music and Dancing would
be made to-morrow, if there were anything like freedom
and wisdom in our Licensing Chaos. London would
THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
207
TOO TRUE!
The Colonel. “ What I suffer from is a neglected Education.”
Sir Gorgius Midas (whose main regret is that he was never at a Public School).
“ Neglected Education ? Why, ’ang it, you were brought up at Eton,
weren't you ? ”
The Colonel. “ Yes—that’s just it ! ”
become as sober and cheerful as Paris or Vienna. The sot would become a
singer, the wife-kicker a dancer ; and what would be lost in one way by the
Exchequer, would be gained in another. The million or more sterling now
invested in London Music-halls would be exposed to competition; but, on the
other hand, the owners of this property would feel an unwonted security in
their investments.
We mention These “vested interests,” because we know the weakness and the
composition of Governments ; but there is a broader ground on which to argue
this question—that of public convenience. The four millions of people in this
City of Unmitigated Pot-houses have a right to demand as many music and
dancing-rooms as they think they require; and the supply, we presume, as
usual, will follow the demand. If any one of these rooms is mismanaged, that
may be a reason for punishing the proprietor ; but it is no reason for closing
the rooms, any more than the adulteration of bread would be a reason for the
closing of a bakery. An ignorant and underpaid Policeman is not the proper
person to judge and report upon the management of public amusements, any
more than a sour body of unpaid Puritans—six hundred in number—is a fitting
body to license these amusements. If all the Conventicles of London were put
under the direction of six hundred Comic Singers, divided into a dozen or more
conflicting jurisdictions, it is possible that even the Meddlevex Magistrates, and
the worshippers of the Sacred Jackass would be converted to something like
reason and justice. Punch and Junius.
A LIBERAL OFFER.
Hooray ! Viva Italia ! A chance at last! The Italian Government are
offering £30,000 for a statue to Victor Emmanuel. Send over that amount, and
we will take it upon our responsibility to let you have the Temple Bar Memo-
rialising Gryphon, and, not to be mean, we will throw in a statue or two. You
pay the money, and you shall take your choice.