Punch (103.1892)

6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 9, 1892.

WHITE LIES.

Frisky Spinster. "How many Dances are totj going to give me to-night, Captain Waxham?"

Captain Waxham. "Oh, I'm so sorry, but there's not enough Men, you know, and I've just been told off by Mrs.
Masham to dance with the Girls who—a—who are not likely to get Partners I"

[Asks the Girl just behind him for three Waltzes and a Polka !

"CLOSED FOR ALTERATIONS AND
REPAIRS."

{A Song of the Theatre Royal, St. Stephen's.)
Am—" Killahe."

Closed ! The long wild whillaloo
That oft smacked of " Killaloe,"
The contagious wrath of Buskin and of

Sock

Hath abated for awhile,
And no more the Emerald Isle

On the stage and in the green-room seems
to shock.
The curtain is rung down,
The comedian and the clown,

With the sombre putter-on of tragic airs,
Are gone, with all the cast,
And the Theatre, at last,

Is " Closed for Alterations and Repairs."

They may cheer for Gladstone hearty,
For Balfour or McCarthy,
This, that, or t'other party,
As it pleases them to do.
They may howl like Maenads crazy,
For policies dark and hazy;
New stars ere long
The stage may throng,
To play in pieces new.

The managerial soul

Though relieved, upon the whole,

From the six years' run, and all its stir
and strain;
Feels anxiety, no doubt,
As to " stars " which may go out,

And others that may probably remain.
He has run a popular play,
Which the Treasury says will pay,

Despite of gallery hisses, groundling blares;
But there's care upon his face,
'Tis a most expensive place,

And 'tis "Closed for Alterations and
Repairs."

They may cheer, &c.

No doubt there has been fun,
But the piece has had its run,
And now from stage and playbill dis-
appears.

Now east, west, north, and south,
The quidnuncs are giving mouth.
Till the Manager would gladly close his
ears.

Two companies, neither loth,
Seek his suffrages, and both
Have a repertoire that half attracts, half
soares.

He's aware it will need nous
To make choice. Meanwhile the House,
Is "Closed for Alterations and Repairs."

They may cheer, &o.

Muoh money must be spent
Ere the public is content.
Says the Manager, "By Jingo, I'm per-
plext.

Shall I keep on Salisburee,
Or engage old W. Gr.,
And what's the piece that I shall put on
next ?

Well, no more need be said,
Till July has fully sped.
And August brings the Autumn Season's
cares,

Then we '11 learn the cast and play—
'Tis sufficient for to-day
That we've 4 Closed for Alterations and
Repairs.'

They may cheer the Old Man hearty,
Brave Balfour, mild McCarthy,
This, that, or t'other party,

As it pleases 'em to do.
Their noise half drives me crazy,
The future 's rather hazy,
But interest strong,
I trust, ere long,
Will crowd my House anew! "

OH, SAUNDERSON, MY COLONEL!
Air—" John Anderson, my Jo!1

Oh, Saunderson, my Colonel,

You 're stout and eloquent,
But boding as the raven.

Knock ninety-nine per cent.
From your Cassandra prophecies,

As bogeyish as eternal,
And you'll be nearer to the truth,

Brave Saunderson, my Colonel!

Oh, Saunderson, my Colonel,

Could you but pull together,
Orange and Green, a truce were seen

To bigotry and blether.
'Tis they that keep the Emerald Isle

In pother so infernal.
Drop hate and fear, try love and trust,

Brave Saunderson, my Colonel!

Obvious. — The Daily News reports the
mysterious disappearance from the Govern-
ment Saw Mills at Portsmouth, of 2,570 feet
of deal. " No one can 6ay," it is added,
"what became of the wood." Why, it
walked off of course, with so many feet the
temptation was irresistible.